So the men in my life (with the exception of the youngest)
has been causing me grief. We’re gonna have to break this down Dizzy style and
see if we can make any sense to it.
Let’s start with the
one I’ve know the longest, ET. ET I’ve known since my junior/senior year of
high school. He was the best friend of my GF’s BF, so we ended up a lot of
places together. We never hooked up, but
we knew how to have fun. Fast forward to
about 6 years ago. Ended up finding each
other on FB and meeting up together with my GF to reminisce about the old
times. We’ve stayed fast friends…perhaps
a bit more than friends. We’ve played
around, etc. We have fun together and
I’ve helped him out of some tough situations, but when it comes down to pulling
the trigger, he’s self-conscious about the fact that he isn’t as established as
I am, and his career in the medical field is just now coming to fruition. He always says that he wants more to offer
me, and I continually tell him that I’m self sufficient. As long as he takes care of himself and his
daughter, he doesn’t have to worry about me.
So he takes me to dinner on Sunday night, and we have a great time. Although we do not do the ‘naughty’, we do
smooch, etc. He tells me I’m a real
woman, but again, he tells me that he has nothing to offer me. Oh and, do I know how much he loves me? What?
If you love someone, don’t you want to do everything you can to be with
that person? I’m not buying it.
Then we have the Cabo Cowboy. He’s not really in the picture, because I
needed to move on and he was unwilling to sacrifice for the relationship. It is what it is. However, he continues to contact me, email,
send music videos, etc. He says he still cares for me, wants to be in the
picture, but again…blah blah blah blah. Actions speak louder than words my
friend. No action? No deal!
Enter Cabo 2013. He’s
been in and out of the picture for the past couple of years. First he’s
interested, then he’s got a girlfriend.
When I give him the space he needs for this girlfriend, he calls me up
drunk telling me he doesn’t want to be friends because I stopped calling him.
When I explain that I still want to be friends, but I didn’t want to encroach
upon his new relationship, he gets it and all is forgiven. They only last a couple of months and then
it’s over, so 2013 starts back in the “when are we gonna get together”
track. I’ve written about our series of
mishaps, but to make a long story short….I’ve been to his neck of the woods 3
times. The first night of the first time
was freaking awesome (it was a 4 nite trip).
Everything after that didn’t happen…and it was due to his unwillingness
to ask, pursue, etc , and dealing with the loss of his wife.
Now he says that he would be receptive to a
visit from me and we’ll make things happen…Oh, but no guarantees. And I’m his until someone better comes along
for him. What??? Are you kidding me? So I’m completely honest with him and tell
him how I feel. I tell him that after a
life of pursing and trying to please the men in my life, I’ve had enough. I want to feel wanted, I want to be
pursued. I’ve already been to see you
three times in the past year, you haven’t come to see me once. I get that this is a long distance
relationship, but we agreed long ago that we were not making any promises to
each other and it didn’t need to be said…nor did the ‘someone else’
comment. I’m rather pissed about the
whole thing because basically, I’m ok to have sex with, as long as I go to
him. I’m not worth traveling for. Well, I’m sorry Baby, but when I weigh paying
$300+ for a plane ticket to see you for sex, not to mention the other things I’ll be spending money on, versus
getting it for free locally, well….it’s a no brainer. You’ve done nothing to
distinguish why it would be worth it.
You don’t even treat me like a good friend.
Ok, I saved the best for last. The youngest. He’s 35, fun, great looking,
good job, lives locally (right??? I’m
growing up..kinda) and he’s taken the time to get to know me and pursue
me. Yes, he knows there’s a 15 year age
difference between us, but when I ask him about it, he says its part of the
appeal. It turns him on. We talked for 2 months before we got
together. And OMG, this guy is HOT! I
don’t need to get into detail here, but youth is a freaking fantastic thing!
This guy can go all night, and is confident enough to let me do me.
Now that I’ve reached the age that I have, I
have not been inhibited in the bedroom. I just let it go because, quite
frankly, it is what it is. My body is what it is, and if my partner is turned
off by it, there’s the door. This guy
keeps coming back for more. He’s constantly calling and sending me sweet texts, naughty
texts, fun texts, and we just have fun laughing. Plus, he’s a lifetime NRA
member. What’s not to love? Don’t get me wrong folks…I’m aware that this
is not the “Happily Ever After” relationship.
This is the “Let’s have fun and see how long it lasts”
relationship”. Letting go of
expectations is making this one fun ride.
Bottom line is…I need to make some adjustments to the way I
do things because “I am the common denominator” in all of these relationships.
I’m not sure what it is that I need to tweak on myself, but I do know that I’m
putting my foot down and not doing the pursuing and saving of the relationships
anymore. Stick a fork in my ass and call
me done! I’m realistic enough to know that I don’t possess Ms. America looks,
or Paris Hilton money, but I’m decent looking, I’m smart, I make my own money, I
own my own home (well…the bank does, but you know…), I have a wicked sense of
humor and I’m fun. I’m not clingy, I
don’t harp, and I’m pretty laid back. If
these guys want a woman that is high maintenance, so be it. I’m not changing myself to be that person. Fuck that Shit! I know there’s someone out there for me that
will appreciate what I have to offer, and vice versa.
Rant over...G'nite Peeps!!
Posts
