Love Actually

On this Thanksgiving, I've finished eating a wonderful meal and am watching the sappy movies I always pull out during this season. As the title of the blog says, I'm watching the movie "Love Actually". But I'll get to that in a minute.

I'm so very thankful for my family and friends. My friends have kept me going when I thought that maybe I don't have the strength to embark on this path I've chosen, or maybe I'm wrong and I should go back to the same ole thing. My friends keep my head on straight and tell me when I'm full of shit or when I'm doing the right thing. And I'm blessed enough to have friends as my family.

As much as I've bitched and ranted, I am thankful for the 18 years of marriage and the 24 years of friendship with Norm. He is a good man and he's behaving honorably through this divorce. He's taught me a lot and no matter what, I know in my heart that love is always there.

So this Thanksgiving was spent on thinking about those very things and eating a nice meal. Now, why watch "Love Actually"?? Well, I always pull out the fun, romantic Christmas movie at Thanksgiving or after. Ok...here's the sappy part. As much as I feel like I've been stomped on and fucked over when it comes to love, there's a tiny spark inside of me that wants to believe that the "sun always shines on TV", that wants to believe in the whole "Happily ever after" crap. My head says that's not going to happen and I need to be smart and sensible. Romance may not be a part of my life, but that doesn't mean I can't live vicariously through these damned movies.

If I fail to find joy in these movies, does that mean magic dies? Does it mean that there's no hope for me, or for my heart? While I loved my husband, he really wasn't much on the romance, or magic side of the relationship. It was me. I created the fun, the sparkle, the romance. the "What if" of it all. I fear that may not actually exist.

But that's why I love the movies I do and I love the holiday season, the magic, etc. I love the possibilities of it all. I love people being nice to each other. I love random acts ov kindness. I love that people will actually care (or pretend to care) about other people around them. There is a spirit in the air. Some people call it the "spirit of Christmas", the season of giving, etc. I'd like to believe it's the spirit that surrounds us all the time. If we just give into the magic, the spirit will fill us too.

Yes, I may wake up in January and ask myself, "what the fuck were you thinking with this blog excerpt"? But even if I do, at least I experienced the magic of the moment. For a brief shining second (as Bill Murray would say in "Scrooged") I'm the person that I could be, that I always wanted to be. Is that so bad?

So. Here's to miracles, the holiday season, the spirit of giving, the magic that we all can breathe in if we just give it a chance. Here's to you, my friends, my loved ones, my heart and soul. I want you to have what I don't. I want the magic for you. I want love everlasting. I want giving and hope and joy. I want miracles and most of all....I want love for you.