Funk

I've been in a funk.  I'm doing all the right things. I prepped for the pending storm today. Got the ladder out and pounded nails into a tarp to cover the hole in the roof of the shed. I covered my beloved Weber grill. Battened down the hatches. Moved the green waste cans that I filled with leaves over the past few days, so they won't fall over and release all of my hard work.

I'm working hard at work, and the project is coming together. We're in the protest period for the bid, so we should be on track in January to get the ball rolling on the actual project implementation. I almost punched a co-worker in the face today.  This morning she comes up and says "Hey, you want some breakfast?" Picks up the homemade cookies I brought in for everyone and shoves them in my face....literally touching my nose.  My mind is spinning...Do I punch her? She pulls the bag away from my face and is watching for my reaction.  She can literally see the thoughts of hurting her run over my face, but basically I look at her and say "What the fuck do you have up your ass this morning?"  She knows she's avoided a beating and goes through some lengthy explanation. Bitch!

I'm getting ready for my trip and making plans with the Cabo Crew, although one of them is only going to be there three nights out of the seven. Fine. It isn't like I don't already have plans with a couple of other people once I get there.

I just don't know peeps. The things I thought were tangible are no longer.  I feel like I'm not any good at my relationships at the moment.  Not talking just about the opposite sex, but my friendships, family and stuff too.

This Saturday is my Nephew N's birthday.  His Mom has invited me to her home so that we can go together to the restaurant and celebrate with his friends.  I think it's so cool that even though he's no longer with us, his friends still love him enough to celebrate his birthday. I love that she thinks of me and invites me.  I had planned on going to the hill anyway to see him and have a chitchat.

I miss him. I miss the possibilities of him. And it's another reminder of missing the people I've lost over the past few years. Time is short, and I need to make the most of it. Am I just being reflective due to my age? Am I being reflective due to the decisions I've made over the past few weeks? Or is it due to the people I've lost.

I have a new co-worker who reminds me of D...the guy I just said goodbye to on November 7th.  He's as thin and around the same age and has the same mannerisms.  It's kind of painful. I don't know.

Time for bed. I'm teleworking tomorrow due to the storm and have about 5 things I need to complete. Not to mention my necessary walk through the storm.  Perhaps it will kick my ass enough to remove this funk.  We'll see.  G'nite!