Settling

So I realized that I've been settling for some years now.  Settling on what I have and not what I could have, or even what I deserve.

In my marriage, I settled for being second...second to alcohol. I forgot how it felt to be pursued, to be treasured and wanted.  It seems like every relationship I've had in the past 30 years has been about working so hard to keep what I have.  Maybe because I'm afraid that I won't do any better or get any better.

I've worked so hard to be the woman that a man does not have to "try" around. I'm comfortable, I cook and give the back rubs etc.  But you know what?

I'm not doing it anymore. If a man wants to pursue me, treasure me, and treat me like I'm worth having, then I'll reciprocate.  But it will not be the other way around anymore.  You have to "try" if you want me! I want you guessing about what will keep me by your side.  I don't want you to expect that I'll be there.

You know...I get that life isn't fair, and that you have to work hard to get what you need.  But I've worked hard all of my life.  I've taken care of my family, and I continue to do so. But just once...I want the fantasy.  I want the earth shattering love stuff.  I want curly toes and I want someone who can't wait to be by my side, who can't wait to take me in their arms.  I want it all!!!

And you know what?  At this point in my life...at 50 years of age...I don't think it's too much to ask for...do you?