More trouble in Paradise

So yesterday started off like any other day in Cabo (Geez, I sound like a jaded bitch) and we had fun at the pool. Tina, Norm and I did some sunbathing and Rog and Kel went and had fun in the Jeep looking at cool properties in Los Cabos. Since we only had the Jeep for one more day, we decided to go back to Cabo San Lucas and hit Mangoes and the Office to see how things were and grab some appetizers. Afterward, we hit couple of other places and drove home.

We decided to take the party up to the bar at the top of the road from the resort, and they were playing some great music. I danced (Hello, it was ACDC with Bonn Scott, how could I not), then sat down. The soon-to-be-ex was acting all possessive, blocking me into a corner so everyone would know I was with him, calling me "Babe", etc (Remember what Pam Anderson did to men that called her "Babe" in her movie Barb Wire???). Any way, he leans over and asked me if it's too late to ask for dance. I'm thinking to myself, which I basically blurt out to him, Hell yes it's too late, you've lost all privilidges, which includes asking me to dance, touching me, calling me babe, etc. It's OVER! He says that we need to talk tomorrow, and I say, why put off what can be done right now? I throw money down on the table to cover my drink (ok, enough to cover everyone's) and head out the door. He joins me and we end up on the beach.

He basically says I'm giving him mixed messages, because I said that I would dance with him but he lost his chance. I told him that he was confusing the message. My stance hasn't changed. He lost his chance to dance with me when he broke his promise (due to drinking), busted his femur and ended the marriage. Where is the mixed message? Basically it's the same fight we've been having, all re-hashed. i'm not willing to go there. He chose his addiction over me, and I finally have enough self-worth to say I'm done. I have to believe that there is man out there that will want me for me and choose me over crap like alcohol or any other addiction. I'm worth that, and fuck you if you don't think I am.

I find it hard to believe that he's going to stick out the entire 4 weeks togther. Even after I told him it was a mistake on my part to think we could get along. I'll give him this...he's a glutton for punishment.

Don't get me wrong. This is my blog, and here is where I get to vent about his bullshit. He's basically a good man...faithful, kind-hearted, just a true-blue kind of guy. I can't live with his addiction because he allows it to interfere with our lives. He make shitty decisions that are influenced by alcohol and doesn't think about the future. I'm tired of living in a precarious position....wondering if we'll be able to retire and travel, wondering if he'll live and not drink his liver away, wondering if there will be any inheritance left for our kid. It's a shitty way to live, and for those of you who know what I'm talking about, you know what it's like to not sleep at night and feel insecure about everything. It's bad enough that I don't have strong arms to wrap around me, but now I have to feel insecure about the future? About retirement? About our home? I don't think so.

Now he's trying to play games on this trip and try to alienate me. He thinks if I'm left out of things that I'll sit around the Condo and pout. Sorry...he, of all people, should know that Dizzy doesn't sit around pouting for long. She get' down to getting busy, and you may not like the activity she finds to keep her occupied.

Ok...poison leeched and out of the system. Time for bed.

P.S. Got to connect with an old friend today, who re-located to Vegas. Looks like he's doing well and networking successfully for his career. Please keep good thoughts and prayers in mind for him as he continues on this journey. He's got the talent to make it.