One of those nights....

It's one of those nights where I'm alone with my thoughts and there's no alcohol to quiet the voices inside my head. NO...not the crazy voices, the other ones!

Our guests have gone home and we're waiting for the newest arrivals...on Saturday. And I realize how incredibly lonely I am. Yes, I've made my choices and I don't regret them, but I hate the loneliness of my choice. It's too quiet, and I don't have my kitties to cuddle with.

I can hear the Karaoke going on down in the restaurant, the crash of the waves, see the moonlight over the water and I know that I desperately want someone to hold my hand, and take me down to the water and kick the sand around. I want to dance under the moonlight and be that one special person, even for a moment, to the person that is holding me.

It was fun watching my friends Rog and Kell, cuz you could see magic in the way that they relate to one another. You know, when you look at Rog, that there isn't anything he wouldn't do for his Lady, and that she comes first. If you don't have that kind of relationship, when you see it, you're a little jealous, cuz you have proof that it exists and you know that you don't have it yourself.

Love isn't perfect...I know that. But when you are in the presence of it, you know when it's true. I don't know that I'll ever have that. What I have to be careful of is what I substitute for it.

I'm not a drug girl, but I do love tequila. Right now, I'm keeping that in check and have been pretty good on this trip. I don't want it to be food, because I've been battling that substitution for years, and with help, finally got a grip on it (for now). I'm thinking it's gonna be sex that I'm gonna have to be careful of. Sex and partners. For now, I'm fine, but what's it gonna be in 6 months? Am I the type of person that will have lots of sex with lots of partners so I won't be lonely? Hmmm...food for thought.

In the meantime, it'll be work. I have 3 projects going on that I'm gonna need to focus on. A divorce I need to complete, a home I need to build and a life I need to live. Thank God for good friends!