The Night Before.....

Well, I've got my finger tips and ugly ET toes done...made beautiful by the awesome Jen...purchased the wireless keyboard (which allows me to type on my iMac and my iPhone) so I can keep up with my blogging while I'm away, and I've rearranged the suitcase. All said, Dizzy's ready to rock and roll!!!

I got to the other house early and Dad was watching television. I figured this was a good opportunity to talk to him about the divorce, etc, since "The Man" wasn't here. I asked him if the man had talked to him about what was going on. He said "not at all", so I was blunt and just told him that I've asked the man for a divorce. I told him that I do still love them both, but I was unwilling to live all the issues that go into alcohol. He was actually quite gracious about the whole thing. He said that he totally understood where I was coming from and that I had to think about the future. He is worried about his son and the nature of his addiction. Anyway, it was a good conversation, and I'm glad we were able to discuss it.

Now I'm getting ready for sleep. My goal for this trip is to not loose my temper and to be clear and concise when we dialog about our future. I will not raise my voice and yell. Hey....stop laughing!!! Ok, I'll probably be laughing at myself in a week. We'll see.

Updates to come. Goodnight my friends.

Shhhh...the topic is Divorce...

Why is it, when I ask my divorced friends about divorce, it's suddenly a taboo topic. Are they still hurt and bleeding over it, and it's my bad for asking?  I have questions and I want answers and no one seems to want to answer them.  Such as:

1. Will I ever be able to look at my ex as something other than the man that ripped my heart out and stuffed it in alcohol?
2. Will we actually end up friends, or is this a pipe dream I've pulled out of my ass?
3. Will my divorce be easy, or are we going to rip each other to shreds over the crappiest of things like, oh...I don't know...stupid knickknacks I could care less about?
4. Will we survive a month on vacation together, or should I pack it in now?
5. Is he expecting sex?  Cuz it ain't happenin!
6. Will I ever be attractive to the opposite sex?
7. Is there a big huge "D" on my forehead that everyone can see?
8. Will I ever get my self-worth back?  Cuz a man choosing addiction over me, is pretty fucking damaging!
9. Will I change in the eyes of my kid over this?
10. Will I ever be held in someones arms and feel safe again?

I'm just saying...once this is all over, if someone asks me, I'm gonna tell them everything I felt so they'll be prepared.  I just don't feel prepared over this. I think I'm a dreamer over what I'm expecting.  I think the storm is coming and I'm just not ready for it.  I call it the "Sarah Conner Syndrome". Ah, well...I'm going to bed.  2  more work days...one more prep day...and I'm off to Cabo for 30 days with the ex and friends.  Pray for me.  I'm worried about the stuff I can't anticipate.