Love Actually

On this Thanksgiving, I've finished eating a wonderful meal and am watching the sappy movies I always pull out during this season. As the title of the blog says, I'm watching the movie "Love Actually". But I'll get to that in a minute.

I'm so very thankful for my family and friends. My friends have kept me going when I thought that maybe I don't have the strength to embark on this path I've chosen, or maybe I'm wrong and I should go back to the same ole thing. My friends keep my head on straight and tell me when I'm full of shit or when I'm doing the right thing. And I'm blessed enough to have friends as my family.

As much as I've bitched and ranted, I am thankful for the 18 years of marriage and the 24 years of friendship with Norm. He is a good man and he's behaving honorably through this divorce. He's taught me a lot and no matter what, I know in my heart that love is always there.

So this Thanksgiving was spent on thinking about those very things and eating a nice meal. Now, why watch "Love Actually"?? Well, I always pull out the fun, romantic Christmas movie at Thanksgiving or after. Ok...here's the sappy part. As much as I feel like I've been stomped on and fucked over when it comes to love, there's a tiny spark inside of me that wants to believe that the "sun always shines on TV", that wants to believe in the whole "Happily ever after" crap. My head says that's not going to happen and I need to be smart and sensible. Romance may not be a part of my life, but that doesn't mean I can't live vicariously through these damned movies.

If I fail to find joy in these movies, does that mean magic dies? Does it mean that there's no hope for me, or for my heart? While I loved my husband, he really wasn't much on the romance, or magic side of the relationship. It was me. I created the fun, the sparkle, the romance. the "What if" of it all. I fear that may not actually exist.

But that's why I love the movies I do and I love the holiday season, the magic, etc. I love the possibilities of it all. I love people being nice to each other. I love random acts ov kindness. I love that people will actually care (or pretend to care) about other people around them. There is a spirit in the air. Some people call it the "spirit of Christmas", the season of giving, etc. I'd like to believe it's the spirit that surrounds us all the time. If we just give into the magic, the spirit will fill us too.

Yes, I may wake up in January and ask myself, "what the fuck were you thinking with this blog excerpt"? But even if I do, at least I experienced the magic of the moment. For a brief shining second (as Bill Murray would say in "Scrooged") I'm the person that I could be, that I always wanted to be. Is that so bad?

So. Here's to miracles, the holiday season, the spirit of giving, the magic that we all can breathe in if we just give it a chance. Here's to you, my friends, my loved ones, my heart and soul. I want you to have what I don't. I want the magic for you. I want love everlasting. I want giving and hope and joy. I want miracles and most of all....I want love for you.

Updates...

I got the Beanster for the weekend. What a blast she is. We always have fun when we're together. Although she did put me on the spot with a question. We came in from the garage, and she said "Damian is your Nephew and your son...and I'm your Niece and your daughter". I replied "not exactly, Damian is my nephew and son, but you're my Niece". She replied "What I can't be your Niece and Daughter? Why does Damian get to be both and not me?" I lifted her up in my arms and smooched her and told her that I couldn't love her anymore if she was my daughter and she had nothing to worry about. I think Lucy will have some "splaining" to do in the future.

On Saturday, the man came to the house and helped out, ran stuff to the dump, etc. Beanie asked if he could go to the park with us, so we did, and had fun. On the way home, she asked if we could go to the Ore Cart Saloon for dinner instead of cooking the ribs and if Uncle could go. We ended up taking her...it's hard to resist her and those beautiful blue eyes. Afterward, she asked if Uncle was going to stay the night, and Uncle told her that he needed to head down and stay with his Dad. He was totally cool about the whole thing. I'm not telling Beanster about the Divorce for now, possibly next spring. She has enough to deal with since her mom and boyfriend split. I so appreciated the Man being cool, nice and accepting of the situation.

It seems my first bill to the CH house came in the mail...house insurance. This means that I won't be able to go to Omaha to see my brother for Christmas...(wasn't expecting this bill), but that's ok. I'll go in the spring. Not sure how to go about the whole thing...can we just to to the County Recorder's office and have my name taken off the title of the FH house and His taken off the CH house so that after the divorce is final I don't have to worry about titles? This whole thing is so confusing. I like that the Man just told me about the bill and is accepting our decisions. It just reminds me that although his actions while he's drinking sucks, he's an honorable, good man and I need to respect that.

See??? Even a stubborn bitch like me can learn something.

Tomorrow, I'm having tea in Auburn with some cool ladies. It's been awhile since we've been able to get together. One of our group will be missing (missing man formation needed here) and it won't be the same without her.

Hope this blog finds you all well and satisfied.

Good News???

Well, I was thinking that this whole divorce thing was going to get out of hand after the phone call I received last weekend from the man, stating that he changed his mind on the property due to Dad.  However, after meeting yesterday, not only is the property hashed out, but he agreed to everything on my list.  Was totally reasonable about the whole thing!!!  I'm not sure where the change of heart came from…I can only be thankful that it'll be ok.

 

So now the goal is to have the papers filed this month and move on with it before anything else pollutes the issue.  I know it's sucky of me to file for divorce in our anniversary month, and by the rate it's going, close to our anniversary date, but I think it's important just to have it done and over with. I hope I'm forgiven in the future and if things go along this smoothly, I may be.

 

More good News!!!

 

I'm picking up my niece Serene for the weekend.  Yes, Serenie Beanie, aka Beanster is mine for two days.  I ask her what she wants for dinner those two nights and her answer is "Shrimp and TV Dinner" (she is 8 years old).  I ask her why TV Dinner, that I would be happy to cook for her and she thinks about it and changes her mind to "Ribs".  She also reminded me to not forget the "cocktail sauce".  So I'll pick her up tonight and we'll do shrimp first, along with a "make our own baked potato" entrée.  I don't know about you, but I love creating the ultimate baked potato.  The last one I made was a spin on the "Cobb Salad" so I stacked my baked potato with blue cheese crumbles, bacon crumbles, hardboiled egg, tomato, avocado, fresh minced garlic and green onions!  Yes, the angels sang as I bit into that little slice of heaven!  I'm interested in seeing what the Beanster's choices will be for her potato toppings. Chilli? Cheese? We shall see and I'll report back.

 

Yes, this blog update is a yippie skippie one, so if you were looking for doom and gloom or political diatribe…sorry to disappoint ya! NOT!

Sent from Diz's iPhone

“Oh I’m newly Calibrated…all Shiny and Clean”

Weird, but I'm feeling a lot like that song quote above.  The bank came through yesterday and gave me back the $1,000 that was missing.  Woohoo…breathing room! I finally got a full night of sleep, after cleaning the kitchen and mopping the floor, including the entry way.  I think I know how to proceed on this divorce thing, so I feel relieved about that.  I made plans for 4th of July and a week in Mexico for Thanksgiving next year with some special friends.  I'm feeling like everything will be ok. Yes, I know that I'll come down from this vacation euphoria and that I'll get gobsmacked with bad days, but for now I'm blowing sunshine out my…well, you know.

 

On tap for the weekend, raking in the yard, vacuuming the house, getting in a couple of hours of bedroom cleaning,  some laundry, but most important…hanging with friends!!!  Tonight I'm getting together with Kel and Vicster…they're always a blast. Sunday I'm getting together with Timmaaayyy and his wife Vicki.  How blessed can I be to have great friends to spend time with?  With a little luck, I can get the Beanster next weekend and all will be right with my little world.

 

Next question on the list…What to do for Thanksgiving?  My Mom has Thanksgiving invitations, so that is good.  I'm thinking about blowing off Thanksgiving this year, getting in the truck and just driving.  Where?  Don't know.  I love to cook and stuff, but the thought of it not quite being the same is a little daunting. There's always friends to spend it with, which is extremely cool, but I just don't know.  Any suggestions out there? 

 

Also thinking about the possibilities of the CH house I'll be living in next year.  What do I want to do with it?  What kind of renovation?  I'm thinking that I want to enclose the yard and make a courtyard out of it for entertaining friends, and myself.  Plus, JazzyKat will feel safer about lounging in the yard if it's enclosed.  I'm thinking an outdoor firepit, a new grill, lights in the trees, etc.  How much will that cost?  If I enclose the Carport and expand the house a bit, and redo the inside, how much will that cost? I have a friend that will do my floors for me…so I feel good about that.  How much will it cost to put of a 3-4 foot wall around the property?  It won't need to go all the way around, just on the two facing roads.  How much can I do myself? How much will I save doing it?  Where do I find all this information and read up on it?  Why am I asking questions like a two-year old?

 

Ah well.  We shall see what the future will bring.

Sent from Diz's iPhone

Are you ready for the next Revolution?

 I'm back from Cabo. Although I didn't get down time Saturday nite and Sunday morning, the rest of Sunday was mine!  I should've done more with it than I did, but that's ok.  I discovered Sunday that my ATM was used fraudulently in Mexico and that I needed to cancel it, which I did.  Monday was spent going to the bank, turning in the old card and ordering a new one.  I also visited Jen…Ya'll know Jen.  She owns the nails I wear on my fingers.  I think I did her proud cuz they were still on after a month of no "Jen Care"…unlike Obama Care, Jen Care actually works! I also dropped off the radio that I borrowed from Rog and Kel. They totally spoiled us on the trip…actually all of our guests totally spoiled us on the trip.  I am blessed with great friends!

 

Tuesday found me back at work dear blog readers!  Damn the bad luck, but I actually had a tough time getting my sorry tushie out of bed!  It was a productive day, but I found out that two of the charges to my account actually went through and I'm a thousand dollars short.  Dizzy was not a happy camper, but I actually took the news quite well..I think the vacation paid off. I headed down to my bank and filled out the fraud paperwork.  The bad news is that it may take 10 business days to resolve, which is not good for Dizzy.  After the 18 months of furlough and exhausting my savings, I don't have a lot of disposable cash to fall back on…add being in Cabo for 30 days and there may be some tough times ahead. Ah well, "And this too shall pass". 

 

Note…diatribe coming……

 

I did take the time to "Rock My Vote" but I gotta tell ya, I'm sick of living in such a damned liberal state. The majority of California voters never read what the hell they're voting in.  They also never treat the voter ballot like a check book.  Does California have money for this proposition…No?  Guess I can't vote for it.  They think California is going to start growing Money Trees or something.  How come they never equate the CA checkbook to their own situation.  Gee, I'd really love to have that iPad, but I've maxed out all of my credit cards and I only have $100 to spend on food and gas for the rest of the month.  Unless the money tree out back starts sprouting, guess I have to pass!!!  I also cannot stomach voting for the lesser of two evils.  Why can't I vote for a qualified candidate and feel comfortable that no matter which way the vote goes, a reasonable person will take over the helm.  I may not agree with their agenda, but I can feel comfortable that they'll pass the budget, keep the legislature in line and put California before any special interests or big corporations.  In California…NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!  I think I'm gonna have to move my fiscally conservative butt to Montana, hunker down on a plot of land and defend it with my right to own arms.  Too bad I'm unable to retire anytime soon…darn it.

 

Until the next blog…..

Sent from Diz's iPhone