Roll with the Changes

We all make decisions that can change our lives. Sometimes we don't know we're making them, or the impact that it will have until much later. I'm rolling with my changes. There's a lot for me to do and although I think I have to do them quickly, maybe I don't. Maybe I can just take my time and savor the feeling.

It's Christmas time, and the lights are out and people generally have a feeling of good will. Although you always hear the mall stories about people fighting over the last toy. Thank God, I was never that kind of obsessed shopper. I love the smells in the air and the Christmas music, I love watching people do nice things for others. I love performing random acts of kindness and watch the rippling effect. Although to be honest, I do the random stuff all year around so I can selfishly enjoy it. This next year will be very different for me. Although I'm never alone because I'm lucky enough to have friends as family, it will be different not having that significant other by my side. It will be one of many challenges that I will face for 2011.

I know that all of you have challenges to face this next year also. I'm looking forward to facing them together. So while we're all enjoying our Christmas dinners, let's make sure to say a prayer for our service men and women who won't make it home and their families that support their efforts. We are truly a blessed nation, despite our faults and our troops fight to make sure we stay that way. If I don't get the chance to blog before hand, Merry Christmas my friends. Each of you are my greatest gift and I couldn't want for more with you by my side.

Pissing and Moaning...

It's a Sunday nite. I'm lying in bed it my iPhone 4 locked in to the "In Your Face" stand (if you don't have one, it's a must!), which is clipped to a coffee table book that is acting as a stand and my keyboard on top, plugging away. I'm sipping a nog on ice that's more brandy than nog.

I was going to rant about a bunch of idiots who want to be politically correct about Christmas carolling at work, but I'm tired of the subject and am tired of wasting my breath. I already warned ya'll that I will be discussing all aspects of divorce, so here goes another aspect.

At what point, when trying to separate yourself from your soon to be ex-partner, do you stop feeling like a complete asshole? I've done most of my Christmas shopping already and I took care of what the Boy was going to receive and I get a text from the EX asking what we're doing for the boy. I said that I've already send him something and I don't know what he's doing for him. I don't want to be a complete bitch about things, but I also want him to take me seriously about separating our lives. It's almost like he wants to separate our lives when he feels like it's making a point (usually about money) but not when it's about "looking like a couple" to the world. Whatup with that???

I'll have to admit that I'm harboring some resentment because I've always done most of the Christmas shopping and planning. I always put up the tree and decorated it. I always made a huge fuss and I enjoyed it for the most part. It would've been nice to have some help, but I love the pomp of it all. Now, when it's time to take care of our own stuff, he wants me to go in on something so he doesn't have to handle it.

I'm just being petty and being a bitch, but sometimes it's just so hard. I'm tired of being responsible. I don't think I've stopped being responsible since I was 10.

My Mom said something today that kinda brought that home. I have a Dr. Appt. tomorrow and she kept asking what kind of appointment it was. I said its routine stuff. She said that Mom's never stop worrying. What is she talking about? She's never worried about me. She's always known that I handle everything. It's like once I got to a certain age, she could abdicate the worrying to me because I'd take care of it...and I have. It must be so convenient to be able to wipe your slate clean and start each day anew. Both my Mom and Sister have that knack...I don't.I remember everything.

Ah well..."And this too shall pass". Took care of some business today, got the laves off the driveway, cut some wood. Getting a cord delivered tomorrow and will be splitting some of that. With all the time off the EX has had, you'd think he'd take care of that too, but no....that's me. "See if you can get a cord of wood and we'll split the cost"...yeah whatever. I need to take a chill pill and find a man with large hands to take this stress off my shoulders. Dare to dream.

Sexting

Ok, so I've been initiated into the world of "sexting".  Ok, it wasn't recently, I'll say in the past year or so.  But it's happening more and more frequently.  Now those of you who know me, know that I love to write.  I like the old fashioned pen-to-paper writing, the scratching sound, the smell of paper, finding just the right pen with the proper ink flow, etc. 

 

This sexting is a genre of its own.  Is it healthy to sext? Can it come back and bite you in the ass? Is there any way to program your sexts to self-destruct after the reader has enjoyed it and lit their cigarette? In this world of technology, do I really want a trace of my warped, sexual fantasies flowing around in the techno ether?   Will the reader respect me in the morning…Ok, that's a loaded question; they may have never respected me… But I think you see what I'm getting at.  It was one thing to call someone and give them a verbal spanking/etc, but it's an entirely different matter to leave physical evidence of it.

 

I'm nervous when I do it because I'm not sure what's going to happen with those naughty little tidbits I put out there.  It requires a certain amount of trust. That's something I have a difficult time with.  On the other hand…

 

I won't catch a disease sexting, well, not a physical one anyway;

I don't have to worry about who picks up the check,

I don't have to gnaw my arm off to get away,

I don't have to cuddle…unless my kitty is up for it…

There's no commitment, marriage, expectations, etc,

It doesn't matter if I'm having a bad hair day,

I can drink a margarita, watch a movie and sext at the same time…wait a minute…

 

Sent from Diz's iPhone