American Sniper

I must admit, the movie had a profound effect on me.  Civilians have no idea what soldiers go through in combat. Civvies don't see the horrors, or experience the depth of evil that humans are capable of.

I've been told on more than one occasion, from men that have been there, that muslim extremists are the most savage people on the face of the earth.  I've heard other things too...things that I won't repeat here, but left me with the knowledge that no one can come away from combat at not be scarred in some way.

It doesn't matter if you're a liberal or conservative.  To bash the movie American Sniper for a political agenda is morally offensive and dead assed wrong!  It is biting the hand of the soldier that fed you your freedom.  Unless you've picked up a weapon and fought for this Country, you need to be respectful and shut the fuck up.

I cannot imagine being the man looking through a rifle scope at a little boy holding a grenade and making the choice to shoot him, knowing that if you don't, he'll run into a group of soldiers and set it off, killing himself and the men fighting with you.   Logically, you take the shot because the boy is already dead, but what kind of toll does it take on your heart?  And what savages would use children to fight their wars for them?

These are the people we are fighting. This is their ideology, and it doesn't make sense to the western world. They are bringing their fight here, to our shores.  What the hell do you think Sharia law is? This is why we cannot be silent when their ideology threatens to take over our laws and Constitution. We cannot be silent when our soldiers are not being taken care of abroad or at home.  Our Vets need our support. We need heroes like Michael Murphy, Danny Dietz, Marcus Luttrell and Chris Kyle. They do the jobs their Nation requires of them.

But most of us only pay lip service.  Too many Americans listen to our crappy Media and are willing to skewer our soldiers to the wall for making tough choices.  Our soldiers shouldn't be basing their decisions on whether or not they'll go to Leavenworth if they kill someone that would give away their position and jeopardize their mission.  Really??  When we do that, the blood of our soldiers is on our hands.

Ok, I need to get some rest.  But I'm thankful I know Chris Kyle's story. I'm thankful I watched the movie.  It put some things into perspective for me...and that is always good.

Did I say Wednesday is my Favorite Day???

Just when I start feeling good about the body, the head, etc…. The work goes to crap.  It seems that there can never be a time when everything is aligned. 

My exercise routine is going well and my body is responding.  I’m tightening up and getting stronger.  Although I don’t “diet”, my food intake is going well.  I’m controlling my Monday through Friday with lots of greens, fruits and protein.  Weekends are mine to do with what I will, i.e. eat whatever I want, within reason.  The only thing I need to curb is the wine drinking, i.e stick to the ‘occasional’ glass during the week.

My head is pretty clear about the men in my life (or lack thereof), and I’m not feeling desperate about being with someone.  However, why is it that when I’m ok with that…the freaks come out of the woodwork?? Ya’ll know I don’t play in my work pond, but I’m still getting a certain someone’s advances.  He’s married for Christ sake!  I won’t do a single or a ménage with him…and I’ve made that quite clear.  The more confident I am, the more attractive I am to the ones that want to swing, the ones that want to cheat, the playa’s, etc.  I accept that I may always be alone, but can we get rid of the riff raff too?

But work..on my favorite day of the week… WHAT THE BLOODY HELL???? Shit hits the fan straight off.  Yesterday my work laptop broke down and today, I still don’t have it.  But that doesn’t stop the contractual issues from happening, nor the meeting with our outside agency, emergency meetings to deal with the contractual issues, etc.  Then I have to run these issues all they way up the management chain. I swear…if there was tequila onsite, it would’ve been gone!

I do enjoy the challenge of project management, and I don’t mind the small issues.  I only have major issues when someone isn’t doing their job.  And it’s because of this person’s lack of attention to detail that I’m having these issues.  I had already voiced my concerns last April, and now this.  And this too shall pass.  The good news is that I may get to take my Friday off, and it will be welcomed…even if this was only a 3 day work week, it feels more like a two-weeker..with weekends included!

I can see that for my own sake, I’ll need to pick up my blogging baton more often.  But on a great note…

Last night I found a square of tissue in my medicine cabinet.  It was from my Beanster and she was thanking me for having her over and she loves me!  That girl, I don’t know what I’d do without her.  She keeps me focused, keeps my head on straight.  I talked with her this weekend about her questions regarding my boytoy and I made it clear to her.  A man is a ‘nice’ to have, not a ‘need’ to have.  We had a good discussion about it and about being independent, which is the same discussion I had with the boy years back. i.e. ‘women being ‘nice’ to have’s not ‘need’ to haves.  I believe it goes both ways. 

Sure, I want a man to compliment my life and wake up to..but I can get along fine without it too.  For too many years, the fear of being alone stopped me from doing the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still get those fears, but I work through them and generally come out fine on the other end.  I want my Beanie to have confidence, make her own money and call her own shots.  And I believe she will.  Can you tell this is an important subject for me???  G’nite peeps!

TITANIUM

There are always times in my life when I need strength and inspiration. And while my true friends provide that to me, I always turn to music.

I don't know what I'd do without it.  Music heals me, song is my blood, the right lyrics are soul lifting.  One of the songs that I added to my repertoire a couple of years back is "Titanium". When I hear this song, it kicks me in the ass and tells me to get the fuck up. There is no man on this earth that can bring me down, that can stop me from reaching my potential.

I had a conversation with my 12 year old niece this past weekend.  She was worried about me and said that she didn't want me to be sad..over a man!  Well, this weekend I set her straight.  I told her that "Men are not 'need-to-have's' they're 'nice-to-have's".  I explained that I don't need a man to be successful or happy. But a man compliments my life.  I told her that it's important for a woman to know how to take care of herself, to have her own power.  When a woman has this, the man in her life just brings it to another level.  My wish for her is to be happy, smart, successful, and to call her own shots. She needs to make her own money and control her own future, and any man will be fucking lucky to have her!!!

Don't get me wrong Peeps.  I am NOT a militant feminist! The same rules that apply to me, apply to all men.  They don't NEED women.  Women should be nice to have's, not NEED to haves.  When two independent people come together, they should bring magic. So it doesn't matter if its two women, two men, or a man and a woman.  Bring your own magic. The rest should fall into place.

TITANIUM

You shout it out
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized
But all your bullets ricochet
Shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

Cut me down
But it's you who'll have further to fall
Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium

Stone-hard, machine gun
Firing at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass

You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium

Intimidating???

So I was talking with D about B and his new bride about a month back.  She tells me that his bride is intimidated by me. What???  What is there to be intimidated about?  I'm a laid back chick and I try to be friends with everyone (until it's not possible...but I try).  I don't worry about past loves because I loved them for a reason, and there's really no reason for me to hate them.  I was friends, I am still a friend and I will continue to be a friend and I can respect their new partners.  I would never intentionally intimidate their partner.

In talking with my ex, he says his new girl is intimidated by me also.  What???  I am not the intimidator.  I guess it kind of baffles me.  I hear this on the outside, but in the inside, I feel like small and insignificant.  Sometimes I feel like I don't matter.  I know everyone feels this at some time or another.  But I'm not here to intimidate people.  I want them to be happy.  Does that sound weird?

I was telling this to my buddy J. And she says "Well, duh! You fucking rock.  Of course you're intimidating!"  What's strange is because I've been feeling small, to hear her say that made me feel like a million bucks, even though it still felt strange.  And the thing is, she's this beautiful, statuesque blonde goddess.  If she can say that about me, I guess I need to just accept the compliment with a smile. Because she is all that and more.

So, it was a strange compliment, but I feel a little more confident again.  Thanks J.

Answering the Hard Questions

There are parts of this single life that sucks.  One of them is knowing when to introduce your guy to the family and most importantly, your niece.

September of 2013...my guy wants to visit the same weekend as my Niece's birthday.  I'm hesitant.  He senses that and says "You don't want me to meet your family?" As if I'm the one hiding him and keeping him a secret (turned out to be the other way around).  So I agree to it, and he fucking nails it. By the time the birthday evening is over, my 11 year old Niece is in love with him, her slumber party GFs think he's amazing and my Mother wants to know where she can find one like him.

Cut to a year and a half later.  My Niece texts me tonight and asks if I've seen "J" lately.  "No Baby, Not lately." "Are you and "J" on or...."  "Who knows my Beanie.  I think we're just gonna be good friends." She replies with quite the grown up answer...."That's better than trying to make things work and ending up mad at each other forever."  When did she get so wise???  I replied "If you truly love someone, sometimes you just have to let things roll.  Don't worry about this kind of stuff, ok?"  She replies "Okay, I just want you to be happy."  I replied "Don't worry Baby. You make me happy!  I just don't want you to be sad."  She replied "Okay! I love you."

When did she grow up to be so wise?  What hurts me the most is that she really loves him and it not working out between us hurts her. I have to be more careful in the future.  I cannot risk her heart being broken.  My heart is mine to do with what I will and if I take the risk, it's on me.  But to hurt hers due to my selfishness.  I can't bear the thought that I exposed her to that, and I feel such guilt over it.

Another lesson learned...the hard way.