Pissing and Moaning...

It's a Sunday nite. I'm lying in bed it my iPhone 4 locked in to the "In Your Face" stand (if you don't have one, it's a must!), which is clipped to a coffee table book that is acting as a stand and my keyboard on top, plugging away. I'm sipping a nog on ice that's more brandy than nog.

I was going to rant about a bunch of idiots who want to be politically correct about Christmas carolling at work, but I'm tired of the subject and am tired of wasting my breath. I already warned ya'll that I will be discussing all aspects of divorce, so here goes another aspect.

At what point, when trying to separate yourself from your soon to be ex-partner, do you stop feeling like a complete asshole? I've done most of my Christmas shopping already and I took care of what the Boy was going to receive and I get a text from the EX asking what we're doing for the boy. I said that I've already send him something and I don't know what he's doing for him. I don't want to be a complete bitch about things, but I also want him to take me seriously about separating our lives. It's almost like he wants to separate our lives when he feels like it's making a point (usually about money) but not when it's about "looking like a couple" to the world. Whatup with that???

I'll have to admit that I'm harboring some resentment because I've always done most of the Christmas shopping and planning. I always put up the tree and decorated it. I always made a huge fuss and I enjoyed it for the most part. It would've been nice to have some help, but I love the pomp of it all. Now, when it's time to take care of our own stuff, he wants me to go in on something so he doesn't have to handle it.

I'm just being petty and being a bitch, but sometimes it's just so hard. I'm tired of being responsible. I don't think I've stopped being responsible since I was 10.

My Mom said something today that kinda brought that home. I have a Dr. Appt. tomorrow and she kept asking what kind of appointment it was. I said its routine stuff. She said that Mom's never stop worrying. What is she talking about? She's never worried about me. She's always known that I handle everything. It's like once I got to a certain age, she could abdicate the worrying to me because I'd take care of it...and I have. It must be so convenient to be able to wipe your slate clean and start each day anew. Both my Mom and Sister have that knack...I don't.I remember everything.

Ah well..."And this too shall pass". Took care of some business today, got the laves off the driveway, cut some wood. Getting a cord delivered tomorrow and will be splitting some of that. With all the time off the EX has had, you'd think he'd take care of that too, but no....that's me. "See if you can get a cord of wood and we'll split the cost"...yeah whatever. I need to take a chill pill and find a man with large hands to take this stress off my shoulders. Dare to dream.