What Does It Take?

Things are going ok.  And I have these moments where I look around and think that it can't be any better than it is at this moment.  But I also wonder...why do things happen the way that they do?

I have a cousin that is disrespectful and thinks the world revolves around her. She's too good to apologize because she has every reason in the book to act the way that she does.

I have a man that after almost 3 years, he's unwilling to let me go, but unwilling to pull the trigger.  I've made it clear that I'm not waiting around and that I'm seeing other people.

I have another man that is obtuse!  He can't see beyond his nose and doesn't think twice about the way he treats me.  I'm not sure if it's just me, or all women.

And I have a young man that I'm just not sure where it's headed.  I think it's just sex and we have fun together.  But then he shows his "Dad" side and gives this picture of his life that...well, you wouldn't necessarily do if it's just sex.  I don't know. Maybe what confuses me is...ME.  Am I narrow minded in thinking that there couldn't be anything between us other than sex?  The age difference is huge, and I saw first hand what it did to my in-laws.  Yes, I know what he sees in me, but that could change with time. Time is the enemy of the body and the mind.

And then there's the Ex.  I got a call from the boy yesterday, and I can tell from his voice that he's not happy with his Dad. His Dad hasn't been calling him back, even though he's been leaving messages. He's really upset because of something I caused and didn't realize.  I was talking to the ex and asked if he'd talked to the boy and heard the news.  He said no, and I said that we knew what the sex of our Grandchild was.  I went ahead and told him, kind of feeling bad that it wasn't the boy doing it.  When I confessed to the boy what I did, he told me that he had already told his Dad and that he was upset that his Dad didn't remember. He's still upset about it and I can feel the hurt.  This is what I've tried to prevent all of these years. I worked my ass off so the boy would never know what a raging alcoholic his Dad was.

Now, I can't stop the hemorrhaging that's happening right before my eyes.  I can't stop my boy from hurting over the only Dad that's ever meant anything to him, and I can't stop his Dad from ruining the only relationship worth holding tight to.  He's already kissed our marriage goodbye, but the boy chose us to be his parents. He CHOSE as an adult for us to adopt him. Now, due to my husband's addiction, he doesn't see the harm he's causing our boy...and I feel powerless to stop the damage that's being done. We are going to be Grandparents, and the ex is missing the whole adventure.

Some things are spinning out of control. And I'm admitting that I'm powerless to stop it.  And I hate being powerless.  But it is what it is.