Thankful

Today was a busy day!!  We had someone celebrate their 25 year anniversary with the State, so we celebrated with punch, cake and stuff.  We got to meet her family...they all came to see her get a plaque and clock.  It was a lot of fun.

Then I attended a retirement luncheon and met up with SW3.  She knows him.  It was a lively group and was fun to just relax and bid a fond farewell to a man that has worked on a couple of my project teams.  He's a cool guy and will be missed.

I headed home to meet up with a co-worker and her daughter. They had never seen the house and I had promised to help her, etc. It was so cool.  This co-worker is one of the few people that know just about everything about me. I wish I could describe the feeling I had, but she is a ray of sunshine and always brings smiles and good feelings when I'm around her.

Do you sometimes get the feeling that the future is ever changing and fluid? I'm totally into Florida Georgia Line's song Dirt.  It just brings up these feelings of past and future.  I don't know.  But I'm thankful for what I've been given, for what I've had, what I do have. Sometimes I forget to be thankful. I get caught up in the day-to-day, the bills, the job, the heart...and I forget to just stop for a second and close my eyes and give thanks for what I have. I must be more diligent about that.

Compliment

I received the nicest compliment today.  I was walking through the parking lot at work.  I got really close to the door, when a rude blonde woman with a rolling work bag cut in front of me because she was in such a hurry to get to the door.  Had she let me get to the door first, I would’ve opened the door for her and she wouldn’t have wasted her momentum (whatever). So she goes off, through the cafeteria in such a hurry. 

I’m a little behind her.  She badges through and I’m up next.  I badge in and I say “Good Morning, how are you today?” to the Security Guard.  She looks at me and says “Honey, you just made my day”.  I laugh and ask her why and she says that the woman ahead of me (the Blonde) badged in, was rude, had a mean look on her face, and when the Security Guard wished her a “Good Morning” said nothing as she breezed past.  She looks at me and says “You say Good Morning to me every morning and ask how I am…even before I ask you.  And you wait to hear my answer because you really want to know.  It makes my day.”  Wow.  She made me feel so good.  But I’m a little sad to think that so many people breeze past each other every day…the same people…and miss the treasures that are staring them in the face.

I work with some amazing people and they’re janitors, cafeteria workers, cashiers, etc.  One lady “A” takes a month off every year and visits her family in Mexico. Another gentleman “E” has seen me around the building for 15 years and we talk about his two daughters (he’s very proud…they’re both college graduates), his ailments (he had eye surgery not long ago) and life in general as he’s emptying the trash cans around here. He says that in the 15 years that he’s known me, that I haven’t changed one bit in my looks. Can you tell he’s a sweetheart and one of my favorites?

We rush around in our day-to-day lives and forget that there are so many around us that contribute to our wellbeing.  I remember in my 20’s…I was in the workplace (different company) and someone had asked if I knew the name of the person who dumped my trash every day.  I didn’t…and I didn’t like that I didn’t know. It bothered the crap out of me. I vowed that would never happen again, and I make it a point to who that person is and a little about them. I’m really glad that I do because I’m blessed with really cool people that are thoughtful and caring….and I know them!!! How lucky is that?

After I got home though...all hell broke loose.  Needed to leave and help someone move.  I'm up way past my bedtime.  Ah well.  G'nite my friends!

Jesse Ventura vs Chris Kyle

Jesse Ventura won his defamation case against Chris Kyle.  But did he win?  Kyle is dead and therefore his testimony (face to face) is unavailable.  There are opinions on both sides as to whether or not there was a fight between the two of them.  But I feel that Jesse lost far more than he bargained for. 

From the sofrep website:  "Lots of lessons can be learned from Jesse’s lawsuit. The main takeaway is that family should be off limits; if you have an issue with a teammate then take it behind the proverbial mil van (Navy talk for behind the woodshed), and don’t drag uninterested parties involved.

Read more: http://sofrep.com/36086/truth-jesse-venturas-navy-seal-status/#ixzz38vFSZqX3"
He may have won 1.8 million dollars and vindication, but he lost the Brotherhood of the SEALs.  Which is more important? He pissed on what the SEALs believe in, and therefore lost them.  With them goes the court of public opinion.  He lost his good name because he sued Kyle's widow and the Estate (he added Kyle's widow after Kyle's death).  Whether or not it was to clear his name no longer matters.  And if he thinks to continue his political career...well, I think he could kiss it goodbye. 

Had a heated discussion about it on FB and I just couldn't get the arguers to see my side. They're of the mindset that "right is right".  One of them went so far as to say to me "Well that is a separate issue...Kyle had every chance to come clean...He ruined someone elses life by lying...Dead or alive he needed to be accountable...and he was... Knowing you, you would have never let someone do that to you..."

My reply was "If you knew me, you'd know better. I believe that sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. I would've called the person a liar, I would've put it out there so people could hear my side and I would've let it go after he died. If you really knew me...you'd know that I've had to bite my tongue and suck up shit for the good of certain people who didn't choose to be in the position they were in. Even though I knew certain people had spread lies and positioned themselves to make themselves look great...because I could bear the weight of the shit...and the defenseless could not. I do not regret my choice because Karma has a way of coming around and finishing it for me...and in the end, I got the better part of the deal."

Yes, he truly doesn't know what it's like to let something go for the good of someone else.  I could've sat on my self-righteousness and demanded/proved that the other person was a piece of shit, but the lives/future of children was involved.  And there is no amount of shit I wouldn't eat for them.  

Ventura should've let this go for the sake of Kyle's wife and family...for the sake of the SEALs, he should've been the bigger person, but now the majority of the military family will only see him as someone who picked on a family during a tragedy.  

Again...was it worth it?  Only Jesse can answer that.

Tough Mudder

Signed up for parking today. Tough Mudder is in 3 weeks.  So far, it looks like I'm doing the Mudder alone...and that's ok.  It's indicative of my state of mind, my status.  I'm entering my 50's doing a challenge that I'm not ready for, but like everything else in my life, I'm never really "ready".  I just take it as it comes...just like everyone else does.

I did have a buddy volunteer to be my cheering section, but its kinda silly for her to go so early...and she really wouldn't see me doing the course.  She'd be waiting for my muddy ass at the finish line 2+ hours later.  I appreciate her offer though.  She's a down chick!

So why the hell would I sign up for Tough Mudder?  Why would I pick something hard as my first foray into the world of obstacle courses? I don't know.  I'm thinking the first half century of my life has been a challenge. May as well exit it with a challenge.  If I can do this...there really isn't anything I can't accomplish.  Who knows what the second half of my life will bring.

Right now though, the future is uncertain. My heart is uncertain, but I do know that I'm headed for some killer concerts, skinned knees, roller coasters and love (attending a wedding) before the summer is over.

What a Weekend

It started early Friday morning with texts from the Cowboy. It figures...on Mom's birthday, that's how the day would roll. I won't go into detail about those. But basically I hit the ground running.

Had an awesome visit with my Dentist and kicked some ass...Just 2's and 3's.  I love my Dentist! I'm holding on to my teeth as long as possible.

Visited with my girl Jen.  I absolutely adore her and then prepared for my evening.  It was fun and I had a good time.

Saturday, I made Garlic, Cilantro Lime rice and it turned out really well.  I took it over to my buddies house and we swam, drank and just were just chill. Got home around 12:30 and hit the hay.

My Mom came over for dinner and brought my niece. A surprise...but then she proceeded to crash and I didn't really visit with her at all.  My Niece and I had a great time, but my mom was snoozing forever.

Got an invite from "T" for Friday night, which I had to refuse because I have concert tickets.  I felt really bad because it seems like every time he invites me to do something, I've got plans.  As a matter of fact...my weekends are pretty much booked for the next 5 weeks. I'm purposely keeping myself busy and the really sad thing is...a lot of the activities I have scheduled are for two people! Who do I bring?

I'm also feeling frustrated because due to someone's choices and procrastination, they're going through a really tough time...of their own making.  I think that I shouldn't bail them out because they really need to step up their game and "get it done". But so far, I haven't seen them do what they need to do.  There's always an excuse.  What do I do?  I don't know, but I'd better get to bed since morning comes so quickly.

Maybe I'll wake up and everything will just fall into place....and maybe

The 23rd

Went to visit my Nephew and have lunch with him today.  Its the 3rd anniversary of his passing. I stopped at Lira's in RioVista and picked up a sandwich and water.  We just kinda hung together.  I sang songs (that's what I do) and I talked about where everyone is in their lives...his brother, his sister, etc. As I'm sitting Indian style on the grass, who should pull up...his Mom, his Auntie and his Mom's Boyfriend (he is a really cool guy).  I didn't think I was going to see her, but my Nephew always has a way of bringing us together.

We all hugged, talked, reminisced and just enjoyed each other. His Mom asked if I was up for an Elephant hunt...and of course, I was.  Off we head to Fosters Big Horn for wine and conversation.  She was talking about her guy (yes, he was listening) and how much he loves to dance, music, etc. And I started to cry.  I'm so happy she's happy, but there were other things behind the tears.  She was describing things that I've experienced for the first time and it was painful.  Nothing is ever as you planned and life goes on.

We made plans to get together on August 6th for dinner.  It'll be a bit of a hike for me, so I'll have to get off of work early, but there's no one more worth that than her.  She is the sister I should've been born with, but God brought to me. It's funny how life goes.  I'm just happy the brothers met and got to know each other a bit.

The drive home was hard. However, I talked with D and she updated me on the wedding (yeah...the one on my 50th) and let me know the family details, etc.  It's gonna be a hell of a shindig in Tennessee!!!  We're going Country all the way.  Fireball, tequila (good Lord, am I gonna be able to keep up?  Yes, I'll be eating) and all kinds of great things.  I've got my own cabin, so that'll be awesome.

I was almost home and I received two texts...one from my upcoming date on Friday night and the other from...the Cowboy.  Yeah....I don't know Peeps. I'm just gonna let things roll. I'm not in control, so I have to hope that my Nephew will be my guardian angel and just look over me.

But....

The evening is perfect, I'm listening to great music on the patio, sipping on wine (yeah, I know its a school nite...but we're making an exception), the fan is going.... All in all, I'm doing ok.

Camping WA Style!

I had a great time camping.  Let's start with day 1.  My flight came in late, so the WA Marine (WAM)and I didn't have dinner with the other couple, like we planned. So we had dinner at Famous Dave's and headed to his home. After having the tour, we headed to bed.

The next morning we got up and proceeded to prepare to leave for camping.  Didn't eat breakfast (bad Diz) and took off.  Saw some stunning sights and took pics and did a grocery run for some tequila and Fireball (bad Diz) and off we go.  Around 11, we stop at a convenience store for something to eat.  It mostly had crap, so I ended up with a corn dog.  We got to the camp site and it was really cool. And proceeded to set up our site.  I met the Son of one of the Cabo Crew and his friend, and we waited for the others to show.

What fun it was to greet the ole Crew and say hello.  As the day wore on, as more people showed, the drinks flowed and I worked on setting up two other peeps camp sites.  I ended up getting my eye smacked by a rope, and while it didn't hurt too bad, it began to swell. Ah well. There's tequila for that. I started meeting more and more new people and I was totally out of my element.  Each site I visited offered me food, and I didn't accept (bad Diz) because I didn't realize that was the MO for this trip, and I thought the person I was with would be cooking dinner.  So, feeling out of place, eye smacked and people noticing it was bleeding, and drinking tequila...well...I got so offing drunk...I haven't been this drunk in YEARS!  I mean, I was so drunk, someone had to put me to bed!!! OMG, this is not putting my best foot forward.

Needless to say, I heard from the grapevine that the person I came with was pissed!  Ah well... The next day was good.  No hangover, and I woke up early and headed to the creek where he was fishing. We chatted, and everything seemed ok. I got ribbed a lot by the others, but all-in-all, they treated me as one of their own, to which I'm extremely thankful for.  In the afternoon, a group of us (not including WAM) headed for a 20 minute drive to Mt. St. Helens, which in reality was 1 hr 20 min drive.  The sights were incredible!  The devastation of that eruption is still so obvious after 34 years.

I got lots of pics and we headed back. So slightly over 3 hours later, we arrive at camp.  WAM informs me that since I was plastered the night before, now it's his turn.  Fine, I'm totally cool with that, and he's most of the way there.  We ended up taking a girl "K" fishing and "B" gave her lessons. It was so cool to see him interact with her (she's his son's GF). He was totally patient. WAM, on the other hand, ended up falling twice while we were there, but he was ok. We ended up making the rounds to the camps when we got back. We headed to bed around 11.

The next day we packed up and said our goodbyes and made plans for next year (which they graciously included the drunk Diz on) and possible plans to visit Cali...and off we went. We headed to  Beacon Rock to hike up it.  It's a rock that rises almost 900 ft in the air, so it's a hell of a lot of stair climbing.  But the great thing is that I did it in a constant, fluid motion and no ass or thigh cramps...all the way to the top! And the pics I got were awesome.

I really needed this hike to prove to myself that maybe Tough Mudder is not out of the realm for me.

And I really felt good that after we got to the top, WAM was sitting down drinking water, while I was taking pictures and stuff.  So, I kept up with a Marine...and possibly slightly kicked his butt!  OoFuckingRah!

We left there and headed back to his home, where we proceeded to unload and shower, etc.  I won't go into detail about the rest of the evening except to say that his actions lead me to believe that there are other things at work and that we're probably going to remain good friends until those things are resolved (which was not the actions I observed on Thursday night).  It is what it is, so we went to bed, got up early the next morning and headed to the airport.  All-in-all though, he was a good sport and a gracious host and I had a blast.  So I'm glad I as able to visit and have fun.

When I got back though, I had messages waiting for me, and now I have a date on Friday night.  Hmmm...see what happens when the Cowboy and anyone else slacks off? I'm thankful that I'm still dateable...but sometimes I wonder.  Ok Peeps.  I have not caught up on my rest, and it's time I did so. So, I bid you all a good night.

Just got done overhearing...

"I could totally cover that... Three times over". Really, you pretentious asshole? So this is your way of letting me know you have money. Who the fuck cares? 

I'm a woman that can take care of herself. While having your kind of money would be nice...News Flash...I DONT NEED IT.  I could tell you what you can do with this airplane we're on...but instead, I'm gonna use my standard answer...

GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

Wondering

About a lot of things.  It's not the same anymore, and the thing is..once you leave one day behind, you can never go back, can't change things, and each day is different.  There is so much for me to say, but I feel like I can't.  I just have to move forward, smile, work hard and believe that each day will get better and better.

It's a jagged little pill.

And Things Keep Moving Forward

3 Days till camping, and I'm so looking forward to it.  I'm scared though that it's gonna cause a dilemma in my life...once again.  Do I need to open the door to another long distance relationship? Have I gotten over the last one?

My friend says "Don't worry about it...you're just having fun". But believe it or not, I can be a little straight-laced.  I have the good girl side and the bad girl side (at least I like to think so). And the good girl side says to step away for awhile and to not do the naughty with anyone.  The bad girl side says "Hey, if the opportunity is there, do it and get it out of your system".

I'm just as conflicted as I ever was. I want the fairytale...why is that so impossible?  Does anyone get the fairytale? Or maybe that's why they call it the fairytale...I don't know. Damn it!

Anyway, the box for the boy's birthday is packed, but I'm certainly not...and I have to get that done. So many responsibilities, so many things to do, etc.  I have a couple of things to get off of my plate at work and then I should be good to go.

Off to bed I go...I'm up way past my bedtime!

Why?

So I spent the evening with some friends.  It was a good evening.  But as the night wore on, I began to wonder why?  It seems that I can have the men I set my mind to with the exception of one.

I seem to have no problems with the Yin/Yang boys and now with a past flame...but the one person who should see what he's missing out on, doesn't see it.  Yeah, yeah....he says that we belong together and we'll be revisiting our spots, etc...but Gentlemen...just so you know..

We women know when you're full of shit.  Want to know how we know?  Because talk without action is nothing but crap.  If we mean the world to you...you'll find a way to let us know.  You'll prove it.  You will show us.  Other than that....it's all bullshit.

Headed for Trouble....

But what else is new?  I wouldn't be Dizzy if I wasn't headed for some kind of trouble.  It's a perfect evening.  I'm on the patio with my tequila lights on..music is playing...got a frozen tequila sunrise at my side and the temp couldn't be more perfect.  It's my Friday, so I cal sleep in a little and mow my lawns in the morning while it's cool.

It's been an interesting day today. Heard from someone that I didn't expect to hear from, and since I changed the ringtone...didn't realize it was him.  I can see that this summer will be a roller coaster ride.

I also submitted my application for a Leadership Academy I'm interested in.  I didn't know that my Department had a self-imposed deadline of June 29th to submit it.  I was going off of the application date of July 15th.  I had re-written the damn thing a million times.  UGH!  But they went ahead and accepted it.  So with a little luck, it'll be considered.

I was looking at pictures of my beloved JazzyKat.  God I miss her. I'm constantly debating whether or not I should get another cat...and I talk myself out of it every time.  But sometimes, the night is so quiet and I miss her purring.

It's gonna be a good summer...whether I like it or not.  I have tickets to see Brad Paisley, Aerosmith with Slash, and hopefully I'll get Sammy squeezed in here somewhere.  I've got Tough Mudder coming up....fuck no, I'm not ready..but that doesn't mean it will stop me.  I got camping next week and Tennessee in September.  My buddy R even volunteered to drive from his place in GA to TN to be my +1...how sweet is that.  He's awesome.

My miss my beloved Mexico.  I really want to go back badly, but I'm boycotting until they release our Marine!  I really hope I can pull off retirement and settle there.  I think I could be happy...as long as they don't incarcerate my Marine Corps. Then it'll be time to kick some ass and take some names. Feel me?

Ok...Dizzy needs a refill.  Hope all ya'll are enjoying your evening like I'm enjoying mine. G'nite Peeps!

Therapy

I’ve probably written about this before, but I write letters I’m never gonna send.  I do it for therapy. You’ve already read about my passion for writing letters (the right pen, the ink flow on the paper, etc), and although I blog…writing is the ultimate satisfaction.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately.  I’ve been releasing my angst to paper in the hopes that it’ll purge the ill feelings and anger that I have.  Don’t get me wrong people, I’m doing pretty well, and I think it’s because of the writing that I’m doing ok.  But sometimes, when it’s really late, I’m lying in bed and I can’t shut the turning wheels down…I have to get it out before it consumes me.   I write out all the little details…I call the recipient of my fury all kinds of horrible 4 letter names…Ok, some of them are 6 and 8 letters…and if I’m feeling a little hoity toity..could be more! I write all the things I would say if that person were standing in front of me. 

Don’t get me wrong people….just because I don’t send the letters, doesn’t mean that the idiot doesn’t deserve them or that I wouldn’t say those things face-to-face.  I would.  It’s because I can’t say them face-to-face that it all comes out on the paper.  In some instances, logistics is the reason behind not personally delivering the message.  In other instances, it isn’t prudent…or the right time to say the things I need to say…so it’s a waiting game.  And in order to keep my patience, I write.

Writing gives me peace. Ok, it may be a temporary peace, but I'll take it. My serenity swings back and forth like a pendulum. But I will say this....

It's so nice to feel wanted. Yes, I'm writing as therapy...but a couple of gentlemen are also giving me some therapy.  I don't know what the future holds or where it will take me...but it is nice to be wanted.

Hmmmm

Not sure what to write about...especially since I slacked off for the Fourth.  I spent it in Tahoe, and I really enjoyed it.  It was peaceful and relaxing. I'm always humbled when I think about this holiday and the sacrifices made for my freedom...and don't even get me started on the Fireworks!!  My buds K and R got us right on the border, so nothing was stopping our view of the fireworks on the water.  Stunning!

Now I'm back home and thinking of the list of things that need to be done and when I'm going to do them.  I'm also thinking about my responsibilities.

I'm watching an old movie (1945) "Meet me in St. Louis" and sipping on a frozen tequila sunrise.  Judy Garland can sing!  I've been singing her songs since I was born!  I always watched the old movies growing up.  I would dance around and say I was Cyd Charisse...I would sing Garland, Crosby, Horne, and I just knew that I'd be doing vaudeville if I was of the right age.

Sometimes I think that maybe life was much more simple then...but maybe it was just as difficult..if not more, with the war, etc.  I don't know.

Ok...I'm done.

Work Frustration

So now there's a week delay on my document.  The group that has been delaying my project promised me a release date of today.  At times I just want to scream out loud and vent my frustration at people who don't care enough about their job and the outcome and affect MY job!!

I'm at work early this morning (yes, earlier than 6 a.m.) to check out a document and make my changes before the group that has my document gets their hands on it. I do my changes, and later get a notification that there's a week delay.  Then, a last minute meeting from 2:30 to 3:30...meaning I won't get out early...and the meeting runs late.  Really?

It truly felt like a Monday.  Plus, I'm taking Thursday off, but at this rate, I'm thinking they'll want me to stay...and I have 3 appointments that day!  Then to top it off, some bitch turns right into my lane as I'm making a left turn.  I flip her off (not my usual MO) and she turns on her windshield spray to get me truck...I started laughing!  Sorry hunny....after the last sprinkle..I still haven't washed my truck yet...I can't give a rats ass what your spray does to my truck!

I need to find my inner peace.  Time to pay bills...