Family Frustration

What do you do when your mother refuses to grow up? I thought about becoming an alcoholic, but it's not my thing. However, my waistline is expanding as I type. My Mother has started an Internet business (She lives with me...which is a whole nuther RANT). Yea, yea...I know what you're thinking...Oh, how entreprenurial of her...how forward thinking. Let's start from the beginning...

Hmm...ok..last week she asks me if I would check her account for her (I've set up her online banking) so I fire up the 'puter and log into her account. She comes to the computer and says "No, not my bank account....I have an online account". One I haven't set up??? How did the computer illiterate do that? Wow! She's better than I thought. So I have her sit down at the computer and type in the address. "How do I do that?" ...Well Mom...you put your cursor on the url line and type in the address..."where's that?" I show her. She can't find the letters on the keyboard she needs...I end up typing it in. Not found. I try different variations....not found. So I ask her..."Mom, how did you get an Internet account?" "Well, I started an Internet business over the phone. Ok....Do you have the paperwork they sent you Mom?....No. This is getting weirder by the minute.

Ok, Mom...How do you know you have a business if you don't have paperwork? Well, the person on the phone told me how to get to it....Ok Mom, I want you to find the paperwork and when you do, we'll look up the account..."Ok".

Cut to last night....Mom says..."I need you to look up my account for me" as I'm trying to prepare dinner. I say "Oh, you've got the paperwork?" "No, I don't see why I need the paperwork". Well Mom, the last time we tried this, we couldn't find your account, so give me the paperwork and we'll look it up. "Why can't you just look it up without the paperwork?". Mom...you don't have the paperwork...do you? "No, I got the information I needed over the telephone". I ask..."Mom, do you have proof that you have an online business?..."No". Mom..Do you have anything from this company that proves that they've set up an online business for you? "No". Mom...did you pay for this service? "Yes"...Do you have proof of that? "No". Let's break for a moment.....

By now...I am a cartoon caracature. I have steam coming out my ears, my bloodpressure has reached the boiling point because this is stuff I should not be thinking about....and we continue.

I say...Mom, you are 59 years old. By now, you should've learned the law of CYA. So why are you not covering your ass and getting everything you need in writing? "What do you mean?" Mom...how much private information did you give this person on the phone that you have no proof of....did you give them your birthdate and Social Security Number? She says "I don't know"...which means she probably did. Ok Mom...so you have no proof of a business, you've given up your personal number, how do you know your identity hasn't been robbed? How do you know they haven't opened up credit cards in your name and are on a wild spending spree that you'll be holding the bag for? "I don't".

So we go to the computer and type in the address she received over the phone....not found. She asks me to try variations. I how her the variations I've already tried. She's flabbergasted. I tell her to call the people on the phone the next day and have them fax proof of everything. I then ask her...Mom, How did you expect to run an Internet business when you...

1. Don't know how to type
2. Don't know how to use the computer
2. Don't own a computer
4. Can't cover your bases to make sure you're save
5. Can't recognize an Internet scam to save your life?

Well, I thought I could use your old computer..Mom, I told you the old computer was going to the boy (my soldier at FT. Hood who is taking online college classes). Well, I thought I could use his old one....Mom, I told you that the old Mac Power PC is not upgradeable for the DSL line....It's 12 years old.

Well I asked your sister and she said it was upgradeable. This is the sister that at 35 has discovered her new "love of computers" and is taking a trade school course. Now I'm pissed. "Mom, this is the person who just recently discovered computers, has taken a class for less than a year for PCs and knows nothing about Macs". "Why are you taking her word, when I've worked on Macs since 1985, and PCs since 1987 and have over 20 years of working experience on computers?" "I don't know"...

After this kick in the teeth, I tell her that she assumed that I would allow her to run her business on my computer, which I've been telling her for months that I would not allow.

That Margarita is looking mighty fine about now......See ya.