A New Week...

I had a fabulous weekend with my Niece.  We did our yearly roller coaster riding, this time at Great America, and rode the water slides there in their water park as well.  There's something freeing about not worrying what you look like or how wet your hair is.  Yes, I walked around the water park in my bathing suit, and I wasn't hiding.  My Niece was proud to be with me, and I walked like I was the best damned Auntie in the universe...well, I am the best damned Auntie in the Universe.

Now it's time for another week. I have a list a mile long of things to do. And I still have to shop for a nice summer dress for a wedding. Everything is Go, Go, Go. Yeah, I get that I planned it that way, but I could use a bit of a breather. Don't see that happening in the near future.

I could really use some Cabo time.  Just a beach, sand, margarita, tangy salt air, warm sun and friendly people.  I need to dance.  It's been awhile and I could use some Enrique Iglesias, a sarong, a tee and some sweat!  There's always something, someone, some issue.  I'm getting a little tired.

Not to mention that my Sister and I had words today (that was not unexpected). I wish I could be that big sister that she looks up to, but I'm always going to be competition. I'm always going to be the enemy. I'm always going to be 7 years older and an ocean of difference between us. I would like to be friends, but that's never going to happen. It wears on my soul at times.

Ah well.  I'm headed to bed peeps. I hope you had a great weekend and I hope the next week will be fun as well.

Blonde or Brunette?

I am a lot smarter than you take me for....No disrespect to true blondes, or smart dyed blondes.  You think you can feed me the same story with a different twist and I don't know any different?  You think that I've fallen for your line because I nod my head and smile?  You think that because it worked in the past that it will work now? Really???  Did it work??? Just because you think so, doesn't make it reality.

You need to worry.  If you were smart, you'd be sweating right now.  A real, smart woman doesn't show all of her cards just because you smile and say nice things. A real, smart woman is going to hold the Royal Flush close to her chest and wait...wait till the right moment. The moment when you can't hide, you can't pull a bullshit story out of your ass and expect her to buy it.

And by the way Moron...This is the woman you want in your corner. She is the woman that will always have your back.  She has a global perspective and works tirelessly to make sure her man's 6 is covered. She is the woman that doesn't bother you with worthless, froufrou shit.  She is the woman with a backup plan and thinks of you as the "other half" of an unbeatable team.  This is the woman that, when the chips are down, will die for you and anyone else she gives her heart to 100%.

But you are so short-sighted, so jaded that you can't see the gift standing in front of you.  You are pissing away any chance of ever having that one treasure that you can die knowing that you couldn't have done any better.

What you don't realize is that this woman realizes that life is short. She knows that if a man can't appreciate what she has to offer, there is another man out there that will.  She's been through this before. She's had men that didn't realize what was standing in front of them until it was too late and she was gone. And while a piece of her heart might be gone with each of the special men that had their chance, she knows that there will be one man that does know, appreciate and treasures her.

Oh, I'm sorry....you think I'm standing around waiting for you to come to your senses?  Well, yeah..I am....but I'm not waiting alone.  I'm exploring my options. I'm having fun.  I'm reviewing the younger and the smarter alternatives out there. I've got my Girlies, my Guy friends...and my GUY friends to keep me busy. I have goals that I'm out there accomplishing and I'm not letting anyone..including YOU stop me.

And for anyone else reading this...I'm well aware of other things done in the name of looking out for me and protecting me. Don't sell me short and think that this is acceptable and that "what I don't know won't hurt me".  I do know, and I'm pissed off and I do hurt. If you have my back, trust that I will make the right decisions for myself, or I will learn a valuable lesson.  Doing things behind my back only make me question and mistrust you..and you are not the one I want to be mistrusting.

Now that I have had my say (it is my Blog after all), no questions and no comments.

Sister

Ok, now the story.... First a list of the players...

My Cousin by Marriage "S"
My Sister "H"
My Grandmother by Marriage "HG" (she is the bio Grandma to Cousin and Sister)
The AntiChrist "AC" who is the father of Sister, Evil ex-Step father to Me, Uncle to Cousin, Son of Grandmother and Brother to Aunts "K" and "C"
Aunt "K" is the mother to Cousin "S", Daughter of Grandmother "HG", Brother of AntiChrist and Sister "C"
Sister "C"...well, you get it
And last but not least....Uncle J...Dad of Cousin S, Husband of Aunt K, Brother in law to AntiChrist and Aunt C, Son in law to Grandmother HG, and Uncle to Sister H

Last week, HS was hospitalized. She's 93.  She had a bladder infection and dehydration. My Cousin S called me to tell me about it.  As a matter of fact, we were talking about it that Wednesday morning..how she was getting older and not be surprised if she ended up in the hospital.

So I told my Cousin I would be there after work. She's been through a lot with her Mom, Aunt K being in the hospital for the entire month of December and going through her own journey.  Now with her Grandma HG in the hospital...well, it's a lot for one person to bear. So I go to the hospital and they're still in Emergency since 10:30 a.m.  Aunt K is getting tired so I volunteer to stay with Grandma HG until she gets situated in a room and fed.  This doesn't happen till around 9 p.m., but we had ourselves a hell of a singsong and I learned some new and interesting things about this woman.

After I left the hospital, I called my Cousin to let her know all was well, and update her on the current situation. The next morning I send a text to my boy to let him know that his Great Grandma was in the hospital, but that she's ok and she'll be out soon.  As a courtesy, I texted my sister to let her know because if she found out the boy knew and she wasn't told, it would become a serious issue.

The next update comes from my Cousin.  Apparently, my sister was at the hospital to visit, and brought roses.  When she walks in, she sees my cousin and says hello.  Then proceeds to say hello to Aunt K, but she calls her Aunt C.  Aunt K corrects her.  After the niceties are dispensed with, my sister proceeds to tell my (Her biological) Cousin that she doesn't feel that it's right that she's informed of  Grandma's condition by a "Third Party".  She then proceeds to regale cousin S with the sordid tale of her bad, mean, rotten sister (ME) keeping from her the fact that her favorite Uncle in the whole world had passed away,...they were so close, and since her mean sister (Me) would do something like that, Cousin S needs to make sure that she informs my sister directly of anything happening in the family.

SIDEBAR - Yes, there was an incident. But what happened was this "uncle" had passed away like three years before I found out. When I did find out, I happened to mention it to my sister and mother. My sister became unglued that I hadn't informed her.  I told her that:
1.  I didn't know he'd passed away 3 years earlier
2.  That this was her side of the family and was not my responsibility to keep her informed
3.  That if she wants to know what's going on on her side of the family, maybe she should keep in touch, and
4.  Her own father knew of the uncles passing and didn't tell her. So if she's gonna be pissed, be pissed at him!

Back to the story - So Cousin told her that she hadn't informed anyone in the family and that the reason why I was called was not for Grandma HS...but for her, as her support.  After the course of the visit, both Cousin S and Aunt K asked my sister not to mention that Grandma HS was in the hospital to her father, the AntiChrist. They needed more information, and he's in no condition to drive and worry about something he can't change. So let's wait till we know more information.  My sister agrees and then leaves.

Next thing my Cousin knows...she's getting a call from her Mother that evening.  The AntiChrist has called her and demanded to know her daughter S's relationship to me.  Are we close? Do we do things together?  Why do I know whats going on with HG before his own daughter does?  She's upset and confused by the barrage of questioning that the AntiChrist has unleashed on his own sister.  Cousin is upset! Is it not enough that she's dealing with her Grandma, and her Mom, but now she has to deal with this shit? She texts me to let me know what's going on and breaks down the story for me.

Wait a sec...I refused to tell my sister about her favorite beloved Uncle passing away???  I call my Cousin and remind her..."Do you remember about me telling you about this?  THIS IS YOUR DAD SHE'S TALKING ABOUT...UNCLE J!!!"  WTF???  She is royally pissed now!  She says "You didn't know my Dad died till after the fact.  We weren't talking and when we finally connected, and I told you, you were heartbroken.  You loved my Dad.  She was never around...didn't know where we lived, never called or anything!  How could this be her favorite, beloved Uncle?"  She remembered me telling her about the situation, and now she's even more pissed off!  She vows to call my sister the next day.

The next morning, I call my boy and tell him "My telling your Mother about Great Grandma HS has unleashed a shit storm, so from here on out...because you're my Son, I will tell you everything. But I will no longer tell your mother anything.  She's ruined whatever nice gestures I'd do for her in the future.  While I will not involve you with the details, just know that if you choose to pass on the information to her, that will be your choice...not mine.  If Cousin S wants to tell your mother anything, she will do it, not me.  Ok?"  He agreed and said that he understood.

Cousin calls sister and asks if she has a moment to talk to her.  Sister says yes and asks if Cousin needs help with Grandma.  Cousin says no..the reason she's calling is to find out why Sister lied to her and her Aunt and told her father (the AntiChrist) about Grandma HS.  My sister said that she felt that her Dad had a right to know about his mother.  Cousin says "If that's the case, why didn't you just tell us that you would do that...and why would tell your Dad about "Dizzy" (Me) knowing about HS before you?  She then informs my sister about the shit storm unleashed on her mother by the AntiChrist and how her Mothers health isn't that great and should not be exposed to the barrage that her Dad put her through.  My sister makes excuses and says that her Dad had a right to know.  My Cousin tells her that she wanted to believe my sister has changed, but now realizes that it's not the case...she's as self-centered as always. My sister gets indignant and asks my cousin if she's called to "bitch her out or have a calm conversation"?  My cousin replies..."No, I pretty much called to bitch you out".  Cousin then points out the obvious to her....If it wasn't all about you (my sister), you would've called your Dad and told him about his mother..and that's it!  You would've never mentioned your sister (me, Dizzy), and the fact that she knew before you.  Once again...it's all about you, and not our Grandma!  It get's heated and swear words are flying.

The fun part of this is...Cousin never had a chance to call sister out on her "Beloved Uncle" story.  So my sister has NO idea that everyone knows she's full of shit.  She has NO idea that the beloved Uncle that she's told everyone her sister has deprived her of the information....is the father to her cousin, whom she told this crap story to.  I wonder what's going to happen when she finds out that she's outed herself on her lies.  Hmmmm...  I don't know, but hold on to your asses, cuz this is gonna get really good!!!

Something tells me that I'm going to do a bit of suffering between my Niece and I over this, but it won't last long.  My sister is smart enough to realize that if she tries to keep my Niece from me, she's old enough to know what's going on and resent her mother for it. She can't afford to lose yet another child over her stupid decisions...after all, she lost the first two.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "As Dizzy's World Turns".

Mudder or Sister

Not sure which to blog about first...the Mudder or the Sister.  Although the shit hit the fan with the sister....I think I'm going to blog about Mudder first.

Ok, so I get up on Tough Mudder day and put on sunscreen, choose my clothes, pack an extra set of clothes, check oil, water and windshield wiper fluid, etc. Pick up two large PowerAide drinks and head out into the sunset.  I get to Rocklin and the engine starts acting funky.  Kind of choking...Uh Oh!!!  I'm close to my Girlie's "K's" crib, so I pull in and start calling..trying to figure out what to do. K comes walking up and we're chatting. She offers me her Honda Civic to drive to the Tough Mudder at Northstar Tahoe.  What???  I really want to accept, but that's a huge favor. On the other hand...this is the goal before I turn 50. How bad do I want this?  I accept and head out.

Yeah, I'm running late, and my start time is 12:20 p.m.  I get there and have to do some creative parking due to the lot being full. After that, it's total chaos.  Gotta get my number and my wrist bands...one is for a free beer and the other matches my bib number. Then I have to ride a chairlift to the Mudder Village. Check in my gear and get ready.

Needless to say, nothing ever goes as expected.  I missed my original start time, but I'm in the warm up area.  By the time we did warm up and get started...there's a second start area. We don't actually get on the mountain till about 2 p.m.  We're jogging downhill and I keep my pace extremely slow, knowing I've got 10 miles of this shit, but not knowing that it's 10 miles of 2850 vertical feet.  WTF??? We jog about 3 quarters of a mile downhill and then it is all up hill.  OMG...I'm wheezing like an SOB, snot running down my nose, heart racing....basically I have 5 miles of uphill climbing to go before I can begin to go downhill...not to mention the obstacles coming up.

Climb over walls, slide thru tubes into muddy water, jump into a mud pit that has 8 mud walls to climb over.  Thank God the Mudder spirit is about helping others because without a partner, I couldn't get over those walls. Fortunately for me, a couple came along that helped me.  When she'd boost me up, I'd stand on the top and lift her up. Total teamwork. Then I make the mistake of trying to wipe the snot from my face with a muddy hand....great.

Onward and upward. It's getting really hard and people are passing me. No worries there, but I start seeing dark spots and feeling like I'm gonna black out. NO!  I don't have time for this!  I start chanting to myself "Marcus Luttrell"  over and over.  Unfortunately, I don't realize I'm talking out loud, so this group coming up on me asked what I was chanting.  I told them, and they asked why.  So I said "If Marcus Luttrell can drag himself through mountainous territory with a broken back to escape those effing terrorists out to kill him, I can damn well get my ass up this effing mountain". They looked at me for a second, and said "Yes, you can".

I won't lie peeps, there were about 3 occasions where I thought to myself "It's time to pack it in"...but the thought of giving up and DA not wearing the outfit I had in mind drove me onward. By the time I hit mile 6, I started going downward.  My calves were cramping, my ass ached, but I had no idea how difficult downhill could be.  It was all loose ground, so I had to step carefully, which engaged my knees.  By mile 8, my knees were aching. They saved the Arctic Enema for the last 3 miles, so you jump into a vat of ice water, dive under the barrier and come up the other side. That wasn't so bad.

For me the hardest one was the electrical shock at the end. All the teams lined up and linked arms.  We had to traverse this net of electrical wires hanging down and tromp through the mud to the end, which was about 30 feet away.  So I lined up and I'm by myself.  I get to the front and am going next, when these two guys came up and asked me if I was alone.  I said yes, and they said "Not anymore".  They linked their arms with mine and asked me if I wanted to run or what.  After watching, I realized that the ones that ran, slipped in the mud and fell and were in the pit longer, so I said "let's just walk fast". They agreed and off we went.  The first shock that hit hurt and I could feel my muscles spasm. It's a snap kind of pain and then the shock hits you.  I kept my head down and kept moving because I was not going to bring these two wonderful good-looking guys down with me. We were almost to the end when the shock made my right calf spasm and I felt it cramp and I stumbled.  I didn't go down, but I let out a silent plea to God, "please let that be the last one cuz I don't think my calf will withstand another". He heard me. It was done.

I completed the Tough Mudder in around 5 hours....yeah, I know, I wasn't that fast, but I did it! They put the band around my head, and a beer in my hand! WooHoo!!!  Then it was off to the open showers.  Damned cold at 7 p.m. in higher elevations!  I did what I needed to do, collected my stuff and headed home.

After swapping the Civic for my truck, I ended up at home around 11 p.m. Jumped in the shower to rinse off all the mud in the places you can't see and then soaked in the tub. I ended up in my awesome, fantastic bed around 12:20 a.m. and I was OUT!!!

The next day I basically stayed on the down low. My muscles hurt so I was walking like a damned drunk zombie. I basically let people know I was alive, but didn't really talk to anyone because I was so out of it.  The only person I did FaceTime with was DA.  We did three shots of tequila that evening to celebrate. His advice really helped me finish. Ah well.

Today, I took the day off of work to get my truck fixed.  Thought it might be really expensive. Turned out to be a sensor that cost me $230 to fix. Thank God, cuz this weekend is roller coasters with the Niece! Off to bed for me.  Gotta work tomorrow.  G'nite peeps!

A Week

Almost a week since I last blogged.  Sorry about that. I have a lot going on. Trying to get ready for Mudder, and I spent the weekend in Tahoe for the Slash/Aerosmith concert.  I got some fabulous pictures, some much needed relaxation and sun, great food and drink.  What more can a girl ask for?

Well, she can ask for the moon. And it was a full moon by the way. It seems the more I walk away from men, the more they come back like a boomerang.  I'm not going to get into details because I've learned that I need to keep the love-interest stuff close to the vest. But it's just interesting that the more you don't give a shit and just let it go, they sense that this is it, and they're not happy with that.

And no, I don't just mean one...I mean three.  Three men are reacting the exact same way when I basically throw up my hand and give up. Why do I have to get to a point where I'm ready to swear off men before they wake up and realize that maybe I might be the woman for them?  Are they trying to make it difficult for me?

Well, I'm home until the Mudder.  I just cooked up some meat for the next batch of spaghetti sauce. The first crockpot went to JP because he had his knee replaced and won't be going out for meals.  The second batch is for KV. She lost her MIL and will be busy with family and won't have time to cook.  It's kind of selfish really....I love to cook and it keeps my mind off of things.

Anyway...time to wrap this up and head to bed.  Gotta be up and exercising.  I've given up alcohol and caffeine for the next week to prep my body.  Now I gotta get Gatorade (I hate that stuff) and build up the electrolytes in my system.  Yeah, I don't expect to do all that great, but I do expect to finish. Wish me luck.

The Choice to be Happy!

I spoke with someone today who chooses to be mad, angry, bitter.  Does she have a right to be? Absolutely!  However, she made the comment that she'll never smile again and that "Evil has won the day".  I told her that it's ok to be angry, to wallow in your misery...however, sooner or later she has a choice to make...the choice to be Happy!

We all do.  We make choices everyday.  Imagine my surprise to discover I have the choice to not be miserable, and get out of a bad marriage.  Imagine my surprise to discover that I have the choice to be alone, or the choice to share my life with someone.

Every day, we are confronted with choices. They are difficult, they can break your heart, but once you make them...you can make new choices, ones that will make you happy; ones that can make others happy.  I am making choices right now. I am choosing to stand up for myself. I am choosing to draw lines in the sand. I am choosing to be more discrete. I am choosing to be vocal.

Don't get me wrong.  If I choose to be unhappy, it is because of the choices I made.  Yes, I made the choice to stay in my marriage far too long. I made the choice to overeat and gain weight. Granted, there's a ton of other things that go into those decisions...but the bottom line is I have to take responsibilities for my choices.  And I do.  I've made BAD choices. But I learn every day. And hopefully, God willing, I'm getting smarter.  However I will continue to make mistakes and bad choices...and I will make good ones too.

So I can listen to you for awhile while you're upset and angry...but just know...sooner or later I will choose to cut you off and not listen, because I will choose to be around happy people, and you will need to choose what you want to be.

Skinny Girl - Drink Like A Lady?

I resent the whole "Skinny Girl" line of drinks...wine, drink mixes, etc.

     Number one...in my opinion..they SUCK.  They really taste like crap.  No amount of torture would ever force me to drink them. I don't care how fat I get drinking real drinks.

     Number two...You're implying that if I'm not skinny...I'm not a Lady.  Really?

     Number three..."Drink Like a Lady"...How does a Lady drink?  If I belt back a shot of whiskey, does that make me less of a Lady?  If I have a top shelf margarita, does that make me less of a Lady? Oh, if I consume calories...I'm not a Lady???

"Skinny Girl' preys on every person's phobia that perhaps they're just not good enough so perhaps if I drink these sucky drinks and lose a couple of pounds, I'll be a better person.  They prey on the definition of a Lady.  I'm sorry, but each woman will define "Lady" for herself.  Do you hear me Ladies???  Let me repeat that...

YOU WILL DEFINE THE WORD "LADY" FOR YOURSELF!!!

No one in this world will define it for you.  You can be a voluptuous, whiskey belting Lady, You can be a very thin Merlot sipping Lady, You can be an athletic, water sipping lady.  I know for me, I won't compromise on taste...so if I have to work out to have a good tasting glass of wine, or a top self drink, that's what I'm going to do.  The same thing applies to food.

I used to buy all of the low calorie stuff thinking that was the way to go, but the crap they put in it usually isn't healthy. Don't get me wrong..I look at labels now and some low calorie things I will eat.  But I got rid of Splenda, I don't use margarine, I eat more fruits and vegetables.  But I also eat the fun stuff.  I eat chips and salsa, Cheezy poofs, popcorn, etc.  I just try to do it on the weekends and eat the appropriate amounts. I think the key thing I learned is...I am unique and what works for someone else, doesn't necessarily work for me....and vice versa.

You are unique and what defines you doesn't necessarily define anyone else.  So you get to choose what makes you "you"; what makes you a Lady....and it sure the hell isn't some sucky tasting line of alcoholic beverages that makes you feel bad before you even crack open the bottle!!!

Who Filled Up My Dance Card???

It seems like I have activities going on forever.  Tonight it's Brad Paisley/Randy Houser Concert and a BBQ tomorrow. Next weekend it's Tahoe and Slash/Aerosmith concert.  Weekend after that is Tough Mudder. And then Roller Coasters with the Niece.  I might get a break after that, but then I fly to Tennessee, and the following weekend will be my Nieces birthday.

I'm feeling confident and I like that I'm not bored.  The love life is going ok, but it is also a roller coaster.  These guys can never seem to be straightforward.  They're always conflicted and one second it's all out fun and adventure...and the next second they're not sure what's going on.  Whatever!!!

Tonight, I'm wearing a watermelon crochet halter sun dress, boots and a cowboy hat for the concert.  I'm gonna have some serious fun.

Tomorrow morning, I need to get down to some serious business and finish making some drafts of the graduation announcement for a friend.  The pictures are really cool and I'm looking forward to seeing what the finished product will be.

I'll write again tomorrow night.  Right now, I'm gonna get my boy band fix on and get ready to roll.