Good News

So I got the results back today.  Seems I'm in the clear.  Will have to go back in 6 months to be retested again, but I dodged a bullet and I'm happy about it.

I'm just feeling a little spent.  I should be happier, but I think I'm just tired and worn out. It's no ones fault but my  own.  Keeping busy helps me to not think about the things I don't want to.  But there's so much to do...in the yard; in the house; at work; etc.  Someone reminded me that it's not my responsibility to solve all the problems of the world..true, but sometimes, if I know I can help, I feel better doing it than not.  Know what I mean?

I do have to have boundaries and I've been getting better at the personal ones. I'm pretty great at the work ones. I do have problems with people who don't bother to take my advice for the past 9 months and only want to bitch about it.  They're feeling a level of desperation but they're not using their ability to find the tools and help they desperately need. I really feel for them, but there's not much I can do.  What do you do if someone doesn't really want to help themselves?  Or maybe they do.

Tired....

My brother has been going through a lot lately. He now has temporary custody of my Nephew and his step-daughter who's 14.  Seems her Mother has been allowing her to have a sexual relationship with a 20 year old, and supplying her alcohol. WTF???  Has this world gone crazy?

He's going to have to change jobs because he has a job that has him up at 2 am and home by 8 pm. He needs to be home to take the kids to school and pick them up. He now has to file 3 different lawsuits to arrange permanent custody, so he's retained a lawyer and it's gonna cost.  The last of my savings will be leaving tomorrow.  Things are going to get a little tight.  It is what it is.

I had my colposcopy done today.  I'm still feeling a little yickky, but it'll pass.  I was surprised because my doc said my last colposcopy was done in 2005.  I remember the one in 97 (the infamous DMV episode), but forgot about that one.  Guess I've been having issues for awhile. Damn the bad luck.  Ah well...with a little luck, everything will be ok.

Tomorrow, I need to go by my Mom's house and help her clean.  I'm still working on my own crib.  I guess hard work never ends, does it.  I have hair all over the damn house.  I changed my sheets last night and there was hair under the pillows.  Very frustrating.  However, I could swear that I lost just a little bit less hair this morning...but I'll keep my optimism in check...just in case.

Ok..I'm tired.  I'm headed for bed. G'nite peeps.

Taking the Good with the Bad

It's been a hell of a week.  First with the Dr. appts, news about the hair loss, 4 birthdays, new phone, transferring the old phone to the Niece and challenges to the love life... One woman at work said she wanted to be me because I'm always doing something. Quite frankly, I'm tired, which was the whole point anyway.

I had a heck of a time wiping the old phone and setting it up for my Niece, but she's happy as a clam and already face timing and texting her Auntie up a storm.  I gave her my brand new ear buds from my new iPhone, but she says they don't work on her phone. Hmmm...that I find unusual.  Like to test that out, and I should've before they left. Ah well.

I got most of the blood work back and my Kidneys are back to normal, my iron is a little low and my cholesterol a little high.  I started taking more specialized vitamins for my hair loss and low iron.  But the real news didn't come till Friday evening...just before 5.

Seems my pap smear came back abnormal.  Remember, this happened once before in 96/97. So, I have to go back in for a colposcopy...yeah, I'm not happy about it. This is where they go in with a big fat needle and numb my Uterine wall, take a tissue sample, etc.  Not happy about it, and while it is not the time to start worrying about cancer and all that other stuff, it is still scary.  I know 3 people battling cancer right now, and just lost a friend a couple of months ago.  Your mind can't help but jump to conclusions. I was lucky last time, so I have to hold to that and just hope I have one of those things that test abnormally.  UGH!!!

Note to self...Don't forget to pop a couple of pain pills ahead of time. Oh, and buy some grannie panties...don't think I have any.  FRACK! Welcome to 50!

Thoughts Racing 'Round My Balding Head

Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit, but let's just say...lighter head.  I noticed today, as the wind was blowing my hair around that the weight of my head/hair is much lighter.  Although most people still haven't noticed (which is good), I can now finish showering, drying and styling my hair in under 50 minutes. I used to take me at least 30 to 40 minutes just to blow dry my hair.  The whole showering, drying and styling was about 1 and a quarter to 1 and a half hours.  Good and bad.

The job is going ok, but I'd like things on my project to be progressing faster.  One of the things I'm practicing is...patience.  Yeah, not one of my strong points, but a valuable lesson. On a good note, everything is done, and I'll be on my way to Oracle Open World at the end of the month.  I booked my timeshare last year in SF in the hopes that I'd be able to go this year, so I'm really excited.

Last year the hotel cost was $330 a night, which I paid half of.  I got that price only because I booked early.  The closer to the convention start the higher the prices, up too $1200 a night!!!  So last year I booked the timeshare.  I figured, if I don't get to go next year, I could rent the timeshare and make money, vacation that week and not attend or cancel it early enough and not get a penalty.  So, this is pretty cool.  Moscone Center is walking distance from the timeshare, so I'm in the heart of everything.  Totally worth it.

I signed up for some killer classes, i.e. cloud, mobile, public sector, women's conference....It'll be so awesome!  This is a rare thing in State Service, so I'm really lucky and blessed. Since I have the Timeshare for a week, and I have Friday off...I'm spending 3 days just having fun in the City!  The only drawback???  I'm by myself.  Not that it would stop me or anything, but San Francisco is a city to be shared with someone special.  Ah well.

So many things going on...can you believe??? 4 fracking birthdays in 1 week.  Exhausting!  My wallet has taken such a huge it these past 2 months.  Ah well.  Tomorrow I pick up my new phone and repurpose my old one for my Beanster!  Let's Roll!!!

Hmmm

Found out that I'm going to lose my favorite Doctor in 66 days. I've been with him for the last 16 years and he's going to retire.  I really don't know what I'd do without him. He was there for all of the infertility drama, divorce drama, etc. And now he's retiring.  I'm broken hearted.

He did, however, offer me some insight on my hair loss...not what I wanted to hear, but more informed then the other doctor I saw last week.  He said that the Mudder probably pushed my body physically, so I'm reacting by shedding my hair.  He said it would last for 4 to 6 months, then the growth would kick in.  I asked.."Am I gonna be bald?" He said that "No, you'll have short hair". Hmmmm  do you know how long it told to grow what I've got?  Not what I needed to hear.  But, it is what it is.  My ego has taken a hit.

Could be because of the issues I'm having with Men at the moment. My faith is a little shaken that I'll find what I'm looking for and be happy.  I get that I chose this, but men these days seem to be so high maintenance.

In the meantime, I had fun this past weekend.  I was treated to a wine tour and lunch at Chevy's on the river. I was treated to VIP treatment at the Sammy Hagar concert in Roseville (free food and beer in the VIP section), a special acoustical jam at the Bar and Grill afterward.  I got to spend time with R's cousin N.  She's a hoot!

Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.  I'm just missing a little sugar.

Losing It

I'm losing my hair.  I've always had the thickest hair around. How thick? Well, one time, while it was french braided, someone put an ice cube on top of the braid at the top of my head. 15 minutes later, everyone was commenting that I must be drunk because I didn't notice the ice. but when we felt under the braid..the moisture hadn't sunk through.

Ever since Tough Mudder, my hair has been coming out in massive amounts (at least to me). No one notices because my hair is so thick.  But this morning, as I was combing through my hair after the shower...using an extremely wide tooth comb...a big amount came out.  Enough to really scare me.  Is it stress related?  Did I stress out my body with Tough Mudder and haven't recouped yet?  I don't know.

To top it off, I have some pigmentation issues with  my skin that's freaking me out. White circles that stand out against my olive complexion skin.  When the sun gets to it, they turn red...they don't tan.  That scares me too.  So I've scheduled a doctor appointment for the day after I get back.  I just feel like the hits keep coming.

For every accomplishment I'm making, there's something else setting me back. Now with the sensor, brakes on the car, tree removal, car insurance, etc...money is flying out the window and my cash reserve is about gone.  Not good. I'm about sick of men, and although a good friend volunteered to meet me in Tennessee for the wedding, so I'd have someone with me for my 50th...I'm so sick of men, I just don't want any encumbrances.

On the other hand, I've completed the Mudder...my Goal for 50.  I turn 50 in a couple of days, I have good friends including the one willing to drive 4 hours to spend my birthday with me. I'm going to Oracle Open World, which I didn't expect my work send me, and although my project is delayed, I have a great team.

Time to suck it up!