It Doesn't Take Long....

After a nice, extended weekend with the Cabo Crew....it doesn't take long for real life to come crashing in and letting you know that it never really left.  It just waited outside the door until you open it and it can smack you back in the face.

First...the July 4th weekend.  OMG, so much fun! R and K really pulled out all the stops and were such great hosts!  They opened their home to all of us, took us boating and to dinner...twice!  The Edgewood buffet for the 4th was the BOMB!  Delicious food, great company and the scenery in Tahoe is to die for.  Don't forget the fireworks...awesome.  It was my only opportunity to get really smashed (as I did a lot of designated driving...and I'm totally ok with that) and I didn't disappoint.

It's rare for me to get so wasted to the point that I cry...but I did.  Although I remember why.  We're sitting in the cab for the ride home, I got a hot ginger on my lap, but I realize that everyone in the Cab has someone.  They're looking at their significant others and are happy, laughing, sharing the moment...Even the single buddy of mine is texting her guy on her cell...and I don't have anyone.  Worse, the two guys who's interest I do have are complete morons!  One in a state of transition, and the other, I walked away from, but he just doesn't want to let me go.  On top of that, he won't stop contacting me, but he won't follow through.  So I ignore him, but it hurts.  With everything going crazy in my life, it would be nice to have a guy that's totally into me and can prove it....a guy that puts me first, and I don't think I've ever had that.

So this realization smacked me in the face...and tequila pushed me over the edge, and I'm crying about it. When we get back to the house, I realize I need to walk this shit off and suck it up.  My friends are having fun and I'm bringing them down. So that's what I do.  I crank up the Rock, and walk.  I feel better when I get back, but the rest of the weekend, I was looking at my friends in a whole new light...watching how they interact with their significant others, and how content they are.  I'm envious but not jealous.  I have to believe that it will happen for me one day.

My friends bought my lunch on the last day, and my two copper mugs for Moscow Mules.  How awesome is that? I hated to see them leave.  It's so hard to believe that we could meet a group of people on a Cabo vacation...and still be friends two years later.  That is a blessing.

When I get back...I'm dealing with all of the work stuff, having to bring the hammer down and light the fires...but that is what Project Managers do.  I have the draft will ready for the ex, so he'll be by with his girlfriend tomorrow and we'll discuss it. My Mom is having rent issues, so I'm having to battle the manager of her place.  I pay the rent, but they want to tell me my bank didn't pay on time (I've done autopay for the last 6 years and never had an issue)..WTF!

The cousin still has issues, and although I've thrown out a reasonable solution..I don't think she'll take it.  But I have to walk away and let her do what she's gonna do.  The boy's birthday is next week, the anniversary of my nephew's death is the week after, and I'm still thinking about the MIL's death anniversary from last month (June 23rd).

It's her home I live in...although I've made it my own.,..AND I LOVE IT!!! But I think of her all of the time. I miss her. I miss the Mom figure that totally got me and embraced me and truly loved me.  I'll never again have that, and I miss it and really want a Mom right now.  I'm 50 fucking years old, and want a Mommy to hug!  I want all the issues to miraculously vanish...at least for a little while. If wishes were horses...then dreamers would ride.