A Love Even Time Will Lie Down And Be Still For

“I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still, sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing…I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen.”  Sally Owens – Practical Magic

 

I remember when I first heard this quote back in 1998, how much it resonated in me.  Maybe because love, for me, was never calm or soothing.  You hear some people speak of love as a safe harbor, of feeling protected, but I never really got that.  Love has always been exposing, tumultuous, a back and forth struggle to be happy.  Yes, there were happy moments, but it was hard won, it was a fight to get it.  

 

I know my Ex never saw it that way because in his mind, we were always happy, never fought and there were no troubles.  Alcohol has a way of providing a blissful fog where the details are not as sharp or cutting as they should be.  I resented that I felt it more than he did, but I digress….

 

I get frustrated with the whole online dating thing because it isn’t easy.  It isn’t peaceful. Some of the profiles I read are men looking for a woman that can dress up or down, she’s cultured, she’s slim and athletic, funny, etc.  However, most of these profiles are not the same as what they’re requesting.  I think something happens when we get older and the women become more calm and accepting and men become needy and high maintenance.  They are not soothing or comforting. 

 

Or maybe…I just haven’t found “the one”.  Perhaps online dating isn’t where I’ll find him.  But I know I don’t want to find him in a bar.  And I don’t want to pull an Arthur Fonzarelli and purposely crash my shopping cart into some poor, unsuspecting  handsome guy at my local Bel Air Grocery store…not that it wouldn’t work, but….. 

 

The bottom line is I’m 51.  I’d like to be in a committed relationship with a faithful guy who adores me and spend my last years in blissful peace, warm wind and a love that time will lie down and be still for.