The Boy

Well I finally heard from the Boy today. He has not called since he left on March 3rd. Seems he isn't doing as well. He's walking with a cane and is on muscle relaxers. He also takes Ambien and is apparently hallucinating at night and scaring his young wife. He says he's having memory problems and has to carry around a note book so he doesn't forget things. It bothers me that the military hasn't figured out what is wrong with my boy. It bothers me more that my boy is not pro-active about his health.

I asked him what he's doing to help himself...has he researched his symptoms on the web? Does his doctor have a prognosis? What about physical therapy? Has he looked into any Holistic answers? The boy has done nothing, really. I know his hands are tied by the military and he's trying to get a CAT scan to see if that may be something, but, he should be researching the web for as much information as he can possibly find.

I explained to him that "he's not even 20 yet and he's walking with a cane. He still has 70 to 80 years left to live...Is this the way he wants to live them? Some day he's going to have kids, doesn't he want to play with them and be an active parent?" I told him that he needs to be far more aggressive in his health and his life. "You are the Captain of your ship and you have to steer your course...I can't do that for you". "You've told me that you're an adult and that you can handle your business, so you need to do that...I can't do the research for you!" I think he got what I was saying, but he's still young and has to learn that no one can do it for you. You have to bust ass to do it yourself.

Parents....

The parental unit is giving me problems again. She keeps insinuating herself into the whole Clear Lake trailer issue. This is something I don't want her help in. When she's involved, it's always a hearsay issue...i.e. he said, she said. I never get a straight story. Plus, after the way she was treated by the owner's mother, I'd just assume take their sorry butts to court and get back rent, pain and suffering for trying to blackmail me.

I really couldn't give a rats ass if I end up having to pull the trailer out for demolition. There are 3 grown trees that will have to come down which will make the trailer lot look like crap. I DON'T CARE! I wish my mother would just let this go and let me handle it. I took the responsibility and put it in my name.

Ah well. I guess it really doesn't matter. She does whatever she wants anyway. Just as long as she does it away from me!

Moanday

Today went well, but the 3-mile walk was a drudge walk. I did not stop, but man, it sure hurt. I got back and attended a conference call for work. I sure like my job. I'm learning all kinds of stuff, which is cool. It's fresh and exciting.

Not much going on today...yet, but the day isn't over. I'm glad things are quiet on the homefront. It's been so long and lots of turmoil, and now...quiet. Makes me wonder what's around the corner...;-)

Raking Leaves

Today was work in the yard day. I raked leaves and cut back the rose branches on the trellis. As I was raking, I looked down and saw a birds nest with an egg and two freshly hatched babies. I don't know where the nest came from, I think it fell from a tree. I felt so bad. I put the nest in a tree, and am hoping that Mama bird finds them.

I ended up with 6 blisters on one hand. Guess I need to do more physical labor. I got softie hands. The man was grouchy all day. Not encouraging, nothing nice to say. He was exasperating. I tried to stay out of his way...know what I mean.

WooHoo

Today was a big day. After doing my 3 mile walk, I got on the scale and.....I'm down a total of 30 lbs since January. Yea!!! Man oh man, I was happy. I went to my nutrition class and was on cloud nine. Afterward I met the man and Mom and Dad at ...Pasquale T's in Auburn. It's Dad's favorite restaurant and it's his 74th birthday. I tried to be good, but had a little fun. I had the antipasto salad and an appetizer of Calamari. I ended up eating half the calamari. I did however have the toasted Garlic Bread...which I should've said no to. It was decadent, buttery, garlicy...Hmmm.

Fortunately I'm not a big bread person, so I should be alright. We'll see.

Frantic

Last night I was having the best sleep. I listened to my relaxation tape, set my alarm clock for 3:00 a.m. and was out like a light. The husband got up sometime in the middle of the night, and I was vaguely thinking that I should look at my alarm clock. I told myself “No, you set it, don’t worry about it. Enjoy the sleep”, so back to sleep I went. The next time I woke up, I rolled over and looked at the clock. “OMG, it’s 5 a.m.! I should’ve left for work 10 minutes ago! “ I’ve missed my morning workout and now I’m 10 minutes late to the carpool!

I run to the kitchen where I have my Treo juicing, and pick it up to text the buddies, but it starts vibrating in my hand. Ah, one of the carpoolers is not on board…no need to tell him what a screw-up I am. I text the other one and tell her that I’m running 10 minutes late. No shower, slug down my protein drink and zoom off. While in transit I sent the following message to her “I’m driving” to let her know that I’ll be driving us. It’s too bad I didn’t finish the sentence cuz she took that to mean I’m driving myself and you’re on your own Sista! What a dope I am. When I get to the meet spot and realize she’s not there, I call her and she’s already in the commute. I figure since I’m running late anyway, I might as well pick up the coffee creamer.
Since I’ve been on this healthy kick, it bums me out not to exercise.

Tired

Ok, I was going to go on a long-winded rant about "dumb-assed morons", but I'm just too tired. Plus, I've plateau'd on the weight again. Why won't just keep moving down? Must stay on the stairs to nowhere....

It's All About Me!

Today was an "all about me" day. I worked out in the morning, worked half the day, took the rest off and...Got my hair colored and got the nails done. It's so nice to be pampered once in awhile. You Ladies out there know what I'm talking about. You get so wrapped up in work, home, kids (if ya got em...Kristie) and sometimes you have to take time out and smell the sterling silver roses.

Today is my 1 year anniversary with the Network Management Bureau at my job. I love my job. I miss my ole e-file buddies, but I'm learning every day and it's still new and exciting. The Network guys are totally cool, and they don't mind explaining stuff that I'm still trying to grasp.

Had a kick-ass workout when I got home. I went the usual half hour and thought "I'm stepping it up to level 3", which I did for 10 minutes. That had me good and sweaty (somehow I think that phrase would only appeal to a man). Ah well, this is a short blog today. I'm off to shower, eat and go to bed...yes, I did sleep pretty well last night. It was hard to get my sorry ass out of bed.

Kicking Zombie Ass, but No Sleep!

So last night I couldn’t sleep. Started the CPAP machine at 9:00 p.m. By 12:00 I was still wide awake, so I yanked off the face mask and shut off the machine. The man had the living room television loud, so he could hear it when he came to bed. There he was, snoring up a storm and I was awake. So at 1:00 a.m. I got up and shut it off. I finally fell asleep, only to dream of some kind of zombie experiment gone awry and having to save my kitty. Woke up about 2 a.m. and stayed that way till the alarm went off.

Wondered how I was going to do on the stair machine, but once I put on my workout music, the ½ hour went by fast! I made a new playlist with fast rocking women and I love it. Made me feel like a butt-kicking femme fatale! At least I finally feel like I have a routine in place. I don’t like working out at 3:15 a.m., but I accept that I need to…damn the bad luck!

Everyone has advice on what I should eat and what I shouldn’t. I’ve told everyone at work that I’m on a lifestyle change, which I am, not a DIET! I’ve been bringing my healthy lunches, etc. Can you imagine if I even entertained the idea of bariatric surgery with most of my co-workers? The comments I would get. Not so sure I’m ready for all of that.

Got home and got on the machine and you'd never believe it. I was on it for 61 minutes at level 2. Not that I intended to do that but when I finally opened my eyes to look at the minutes, I was at 47 minutes. Then I thought..."Hell, I can do 3 minutes more". Once I got there I figured I was too close to an hour not to do it. Got to 61 minutes. Damn, I hope to hell it makes me sleep like the dead!

The Dreaded "Diet" word!

I've been on this "weight loss" journey since I was nine years old. My Mother, who had always been skinny, gave up cigarettes for God when I was about 5. She gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy with my sister and after her birth made it her mission to lose weight. Of course, she couldn't do it alone so I had to diet with her...thus started my rollercoaster ride with diet and food.

I still remember the dreaded Cottage Cheese and Hamburger diet...that's all we ate. To this day, I can't eat the two of them together. During my teen years, I wasn't really fat, but thought I was. That carried into my twenties. I was always dieting, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Susanne Summers, Southbeach,...The rollercoaster became more dramatic, up-down. God, I swear, I've lost somewhere in the neighborhood of over 500 lbs over the years. Lose 25, gain 30...lose 30, gain 45...lose 30 gain 60..it never stops. One day, going through some old pictures my husband had taken (we were friends for awhile before we hooked up), I came across a picture of me in a black one piece bathing suit, standing in Gurlie Creek. OMG...I was not FAT! I actually looked damned good! I ran screaming to the man, with the picture clutched in my hand..."Look, Look, I'm not Fat!" He started laughing and said "No, what made you think you were?" "I've always been fat! Ever since I was little".

I went back to look at old pictures, and no, I wasn't fat. There were times when I was a little chubby, but nothing major. Not like what's been in my head for years. And now I am fat and I let the thin me go, without ever realizing I had her. My self-loathing never let me see what was actually in front of my face.

So I started back on the journey last August, but let myself be waylaid by the holidays and the family crap that goes with it. I ate a lot this past Christmas. I was upset and I let it get the best of me, reaching my all-time weight high in January. I got back on the routine and have since lost 25 lbs. Along with that comes trying to accept me for me. I read an interesting blog, where one person said that they run their hands over their stomach every morning to feel the changes, and I started to laugh. Someone does the same thing I do!

I don't "diet" anymore. I'm changing eating habits. The funny thing is, I actually eat quite healthy. My husband is always looking at labels, and 90% of the stuff in our home is good stuff. I just like too much of a good thing. When the man cooks a superb prime rib and gives you this 1 1/2 inch slab on your plate, it's hard to stop. The funny thing is lately...I have been. I've been researching my weightloss options and thinking about what's out there. My fear is that I will work so hard to take it off and rollercoaster back up. I've thought of Gastric bypass but that's a little too dramatic for me. I've also looked at the Lap band and read a lot of the blogs out there. At first, I thought I was "cheating" if I took that option, but I'm working so hard to take it off. That does not change with the band. I still have to work at it.

Anyway, just sharing thoughts, purging the soul (no, never been a binge and purge person...did binge in my 20's but that was it...kept it in). This is part of the process for me. Have to rid myself of the crap. But let's leave this on a great note. I did my walk today and it was GREAT! I'm getting faster and faster up the hills...still a struggle, but getting better. One day, I will run up those hills and they won't stop me.

In love with my iPod

Are you dependent upon your iPod when you work out? Ever had your iPod die while working out?

I don’t know about you, but I’m totally dependent upon my tunes. My level of exertion is equal to the beat of the song. The slower the song, the slower I’m stepping. If I step slow..then I want off the damned machine. You feel me?

So it’s 3:20 in the morning and I hop on the machine…I’ve got “Jet” playing and I’m maybe 3 minutes into the workout when the iPod dies. I’ve been having problems holding a charge, but I’ve had the iPod forever. I’m thinking “Crap, no music, no workout” when I remember the iPod I bought the man is sitting in the spare bedroom. Serene used it to watch a movie.

I load my workout playlist on and jump back onto the machine. By the time I’m back on it’s 3:40….Now I’m behind…gotta leave the house by 4:45. Needless to say, I went to work with wet hair, but at least I did it.

I have a love affair with my iPod…I use it every day. If not working out, then in the truck…it’s wired for iPod. I listen to PodCasts, my music, I have Disney music for Serene that we sing together. I’m thinking if this battery situation keeps coming up, I may have to get a new one. I didn’t want to because eventually I want the iPhone when it has more storage, etc. This way, I can keep the old iPod in the truck. Hope I hear an announcement in June….”Steve Jobs…oh Stevie Pooh…Hello my MacDaddy. I’d like an iPhone that offers 64 gig, 3G, WiFi, Bluetooth, 3rd party apps, a removable battery…delivered to my door by Vin Diesel”. Ah well, I guess it isn’t Christmas time yet. I’m holding out for June. I think we’ll hear some news then. The big question will be…can I afford it? Gotta get rid of my mother’s trailer….

Spasms...NO, Not those kind!

OK, so have you ever suffered a right buttock muscle spasm while on your workout machine? I seem to be getting them frequently. I think I favor my right leg while climbing the stairs to nowhere (StairMaster) and my butt cheek is complaining.

When it hits, I’ve been trying to push more with the left and making a concerted effort to move them both at the same time, but somehow when you zone out while listening to music, you forget. Thank God I know how to stretch this muscle out, or else I’d be in serious trouble. However, I did give the husband cause to raise his eyebrow when I got out the percussion back massager and started going to town on the butt cheek. That was painful.

Could you imagine peeking in our sliding glass window and seeing a woman using one of those things on her tushie and screaming out in pain? I think you’d probably misconstrue that as a different kind of scream and be laughing about what turns me on…. Ah, I digress.

Poor bastard…he’s had to put up with quite a few weird things from me. How about when your leg cramps up in the middle of the night…waking you from a dead sleep and you start screaming like there’s someone in the bedroom trying to kill you. Oh man, does that hurt! You can’t even enjoy scaring the hell out of your spouse when that happens.
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My Year...Damn it!

So I’m on this journey to get healthy. I decided last year that 2008 was going to be my year. It’s my year to enlighten myself spiritually, to get my mental ducks in order and to physically get into shape. It seems like for years, it’s been about everyone else. When you have kids, that’s a necessity, but once they’re grown, you let go (easier said than done). When family is involved, it’s much more difficult.

I have health issues that come from putting me second. Stress eating has caused me to put on many pounds over the years and that has caused high blood pressure, sleep apnea, lower back pain, etc. So I’ve finally reached my breaking point.

Since February 26th, I’ve been on a routine. Tuesday – Friday I exercise on the StairMaster (affectionately named “Vin” except when I’m protesting…then it’s A$$hole) twice a day…A half hour in the morning and a half hour in the evening. On Saturdays and Mondays I do a three mile walk up and down hills (I live in the Sierra’s). I’ve finally gotten to the point where I don’t have to stop on an incline..(you should’ve seen me gasping for air like a cigarette junkie climbing a flight of stairs…too funny).

On Sunday’s it’s “God’s Day” …a day of rest. Ok, ya’ll know I believe in God, but am not deeply religious. I’m gonna use any excuse to have a day to sleep in, etc.

I’ve been packing my lunch and eating a salad every day…sometimes two salads. Gave up the carbonated drinks. Lightened up on the margaritas. And I limit myself to a half glass of wine. So far, I’ve lost 25 lbs. I gotta ways to go, so I’ll be taking you along on my journey.