"Don't Wanna Be More Dead Than Alive"

"She says 'Baby, I don't wanna be more dead than alive'" - Gavin Rossdale

I can honestly say that I've reached a point in my life where I'm more alive than I ever have been.  While visiting relatives, F kept saying that the difference in me was huge. She kept saying over and over how unhappy I was, but I'd always thought I did an ok job of hiding that.  It's something I never wanted my kid to see. And I sincerely hope he didn't.

I may want certain things I'll never have, but that won't stop me from living and being in the here and the now. It's not about the money (God knows, I don't have it) or the possessions, it's always about the people in my life.  They will always be the ones that make it better, and if they don't, well, they don't necessarily have to be a part of it...right?

I've learned that people come into our lives for a reason.  I may not know what that reason is, but I have to accept the gift at face value.  I find eventually that the purpose becomes clear or the lesson learned. The controlling part of me hates the fact that I can't always manipulate the outcomes of things, but knowing that there usually is a reason is ok. Sometimes, you never know the frakking reason and then you just have to give it up. 

Enough waxing philosophical here...I'm enjoying my last evenings here and can't seem to keep the door to the outside balcony closed.  I love the sound of the Ocean waves, the rush of wind, and the fresh salty air.  Even though it makes the room cold, I've been keeping the doors and windows open.  I just turn on the fireplace...good thing its gas, but I must be costing them a fortune...ha, ha.  Be home soon peeps!