Coming Out The Other Side

The one thing about addiction that they never tell you is that the addicted person both during and post addiction are the same…and they’re not. Confusing, huh?

BDDS

First..they’re the same. What I mean is that they still have that addictive personality and just because they stop their habit doesn’t mean they stop the behavior that they had while they were using.  This can be extremely hard to live with because it’s not like you can tell them to stop using…they already have. How do you change the personality so that they don’t exhibit the same behavior and drive you up the wall?

Second…they’re different.  Well, because of the damage that their addiction has wreaked on their bodies, they’re unable to do the things they used to do, or think the way they used to think. There are side effects and consequences to the choices they have made. Sometimes it’s extremely severe. We’re talking brain impairment, walking and unable to enjoy the simple things in life.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not pointing any of these things out to make myself look better.  On the contrary, I think I can speak to these things due to my own addiction.  However, I was lucky…my addiction was not as severe.  Yes, I’m talking about my food addiction. It’s as every bit an addiction as alcohol, heroin, crack…etc.  It causes morbid obesity, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, high stress to joints, exhaustion, low self-esteem and in extreme cases, death…and the list goes on.

I daily fight my behavior that goes hand in hand with my addiction, because I know that without the “head work”, I’ll revert back to the person I was…weight and all. I also struggle with not transferring my addiction to something else, i.e. alcohol and spending money. For some reason, these two things could easily take the place of eating, so I have to watch it.

I am different in that the side effects for me were body damage and esteem issues.  Fortunately, my muscles and strength are better than before, but my skin took a heavy toll. I had the excess skin removed, but my scars and the issues involved with the healing will be permanent reminders of the road that I took.  I still have issues on whether or not I’m “good enough” and I take far too many “selfies” to assure myself that I’m ok looking.  Why am I hashing this out?

Well, I have a family member that will be coming out the other side of her alcohol addiction and we don’t know the person she will be.  We don’t know if she’ll have permanent brain damage, and the physical shape she’ll be in. Sitting by her side at the hospital is a stark reminder to me of how lucky I am, and how much worse it could’ve been. I’m optimistic that she’ll come out ok, but I don’t think she’ll ever be completely the same.  The one thing I hope for was that this episode is her “bottom”…the point to where the only direct for her is up.  If it isn’t, she might not be so lucky next time.