It’s Christmas time…time of happiness and good cheer. I’m starting to feel the stress of it all. I hate shopping and I hate crowds…unless we’re all banded together to enjoy a concert or witness something grand.
I always feel like I’m under pressure, but this year it feels a bit stronger. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and while I know it’s just perception, I do not need stuff happening a week before Christmas. Received a call from my mother.
I couldn’t take it at the time she called because I had a guest, but after the guest left, I listened to her message. She’s crying about my brother having two additional heart stents inserted and wanted to know why she was left out of the loop. She doesn’t understand what’s going on and to please call.
This is coming off the heels of the prior night’s discussion, which was about the orb spirits in her home and her quest to find out why they’re there and whatharm might come to her. She posted a couple of videos of the orbs on FaceBook and I had to tell her that the general public will consider her crazy and she shouldn’t have posted them. Come to find out that she thought that tagging me in the post would mean that only I could see them….NOPE! She then goes on to say that she’s afraid that she’ll be abducted…yes, by aliens.
Now it’s about my brother and death. I called her and let her vent. Of course she wanted to know when I knew, etc. I told her that I knew about the doctor visit ahead of time, but had no idea what the outcome would be (stents? Open heart surgery? Nothing?) and didn’t find out about the stents until FaceBook..and my brother posted within a couple of hours.
Her argument is that she isn’t always on FaceBook and someone should’ve called her. Yeah, well stand in line Mom. I should’ve had the call before you…being that I’m the Advance Directive Designee. She also blames the fact that my brother has his heart issues due to his drug use and the choices he made. It pissed me off that she’d automatically throw him under the bus when:
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1. He learned his drug use from her
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2. They’d done drugs together in the past.
3. He quit using drugs a number of years ago…BEFORE SHE DID!
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4. We have a history of heart disease in our family
It’s so convenient to forget your part in his early drug use…isn’t it! So I reminded her of where he learned about his drug use, and that she needs to accept the possibility that my brother may not live to be an old man.
She did not like the sound of that. I told her that during the years when she and I didn’t speak, it was because I needed to accept that she may kill herself with the habits and drug use, and that I didn’t need to watch her do it. There just comes a time when you have to let go and live with what you have. I also told her that the current world record for heart stents is 34 and my brother has 19. He still has a ways to go.
That news made her feel better. She says I have a way of using logic to calm her. Yeah, logic is absent in her and my sister. My brother and I got most of it (although the boy and the niece are extremely logical….there’s hope for the next generation).
Its times like these that I turn to the Serenity Prayer…but I tell ya Peeps, it’s a little difficult to accept Cray Cray!
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