Intoxication

Talked with someone today regarding a girl, "Miss California" who slept her way through a few guys and how this person wondered about this girl.

The funny thing was that I totally identified with her. Why??? Well, you don't go from losing 120 lbs and having no self confidence to suddenly having guys interested in you and not identifying with her. But you're always wondering....do they want the body, or do they want the whole package.

The feeling of  pursuit is wonderful.  OMG, Guys suddenly want me...and they don't have too. They're not married to me, or engaged, or committed....so either they want me or they don't.  So how do you take this interest? Well, I'm flattered, but always wondering. It is my lack of self confidence...I can't deny that. Part of me knows it's just sex and the other part wants to believe it is something more...but knows better.

I want to believe that I'm a femme fatale...but what woman doesn't want to believe that?? The truth is, I'm an ordinary Jane that has glimmers of something more. Nothing more, nothing less....and that's ok. If you're too beautiful..everyone expects you to be on top of your game. If you're too plain, everyone doesn't expect anything. If you're in the middle, everyone leaves you alone and if you happen to do something out of the ordinary...well, they shrug their shoulders and let you have that fluke of a chance, cuz it'll never happen again.

Yeah, you may see my opinion as being pessimistic, but I see it as being totally optimistic. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'm not that special (well, except in my mind, of course),  but as long as people underestimate my potential, then I have all the power to succeed or fail. There are no limitations and people cannot limit me..only I can limit myself...and I rather like it that way.

But there is always some tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if I'm good enough. If maybe everyone else is right. Do I have it....or don't I? Ah well....