Damn Conspiring Fate...

Do you ever get this feeling every once in a while that fate is conspiring against you and that maybe, no matter what you do, you just can’t change it? I can beat my head against a wall, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that wall will give in and I’ll finally break through.  Chances are….I’m gonna crack my skull against it.

 

What’s that saying about the definition of insanity…Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I guess that I just have to accept that some things will never change…people will never change, situations will never change…I just have a real difficult time with that concept. And I know that sooner or later, I’m gonna have to embrace it. 

 

I fought this concept with my marriage, thinking that my husband could change…he couldn’t. I fought this concept with my sister…surely she could change, I mean, wouldn’t any mother change for the sake of their children (This also applies to my mother)?  No.  But then I started thinking…what is the common denominator in all of these instances…and the ones I haven’t named…?

 

Hmmmm.  That would be me. I am the common denominator and maybe they are the ones that don’t need to change.  Maybe I’m the one that needs to change. I need to make different choices, I need to extract myself from these situations and change them for me.  But then again…there I go, trying to initiate change…yet again.  It’s like this vicious circle that I can’t seem to get out of.  Ah well…