Being Driven Insane

So today, a certain someone was trying to get me worked up…yeah, in a decidedly sexual way. Describing tight shirts, snug camo pants, etc.  There is only so much a girl can take…especially since she hasn’t had it in a little while.  Worse, this person is doing this in the morning so they’re practically guaranteeing that I’m uncomfortable all day.  So not fair!

So I paid a visit to my friend “H”.  H is a guy that bats for the other team. He always has good insight, good suggestions, etc.  But the thing about H is that he’s always impeccably dressed and always smells like heaven.  What is it about gay men and cologne?  They always seems to know how to pick the right scents, they never put too much on and know how to layer (Ok, for you straight guys, layering a scent means to use bath products like shower gel, body lotion or aftershave lotion in the same scent. After you shower using the shower gel, while skin is still damp, you slather on the scented body lotion. Then you take your cologne or perfume and spritz on your pulse points i.e. wrists, sides of neck, back of knees for women, hollow of the collar bone, back of the neck at base of skull, etc. You can also lightly spray the inside of your shirt and let it dry for several minutes. This technique can be used on lingerie also. Fragrance will last all day).

H always smells good and I just felt this need to smell a guy with great cologne. So I paid him a visit and told him why I was there…which was pretty risky in my work environment, but we’re great friends.  When I asked him if he considered that harassment, he said “absolutely not”.  I even told him why, i.e.  my guy has been teasing me, I really miss him, I’d really like to smell a good smelling guy so I don’t go too crazy, etc.  He was happy to be my substitute.  Because, Ladies and Gentlemen, my guy does know how to wear cologne and smells awesome!  It’s so rare to find a guy that that can do that…and be straight!!! He even spritzed my pillow before he left me so I could smell him a couple of days later.  Sweet agony! But I digress.

So H and I talked about my guy and whether or not we have a future together, etc. And then we discussed where to buy fragrance, how expensive it is, what he was wearing (just in case I wanted to get some for my guy, but while H smelled fabulous, my guy has a decidedly more masculine scent), online purchases versus department store costs.  We just had one hell of a singsong.

I did text my guy to let him know what I’d done, and he says he does that with the women he works with.  I clarified that it had better be lesbian women, i.e. one lesbian woman, because I only do that with one gay guy I work with. Other than that, I want him to be the straight guy I bury my nose in.  Yes People…I do actually work for a living, and I manage to get things done, but every once in a while, a girl has to take time to smell the roses…literally!

I came out of the women’s restroom this morning and ran smack dab into a different guy co-worker, who looked me up and down and said “You hit a home run with that outfit today”. Whoa!  Wasn’t expecting that! I grinned and said thank you and kept walking. I took a risk and wore one of my see-through polka dot shirts from Victoria’s Secret with a solid cami underneath (don’t need to be showing off the bra or belly skin at work), a skirt and pantyhose.  Guess the combo worked, but God, I hate pantyhose!!  Some man thought that crap up to torture us women!  I rarely wear them except for meetings and important events.  I only put them on this morning because my legs were cold, and I couldn’t wear the same slacks that my Buddy “A” had last seen me in (we got together after work cuz she’s retired now). 

I swear, women’s undergarments are an effort in futility! You men think we look fabulous in them, but I dare you to put them on…day after day…and enjoy it!  The only time I really enjoy it is when I’m doing it for my guy.  I know the effect it will have on him as I take off my clothes, and I know the fun I’ll have after those things come off..so.  Other than that, what a pain!

Ok, I’m done bellyaching. Happy Thursday Everyone.  My Beanster comes to stay with me this weekend, so I’m not sure how much I’ll be posting.