Choices...

So I’m at a dilemma and not sure what to do about it.

The work Marine saw a lawyer today for his divorce.  He’s unhappy and wanted to talk, so he called me at work. He basically asked to have Margarita’s at my house tonight so he can discuss it.  Well, that of course is OUT, because I do not do that stuff in front of my Niece, and she’s never met him, and I don’t want her confused and thinking that this is my boyfriend or something, when she’s already met my boyfriend (and absolutely worships and adores him).  The Beanster always comes first!

However, he asked about Sunday night after the Beanster goes home.  Here’s my dilemma.  In the past, I would’ve said, “sure, come on over”.  However, from my previous blog, you’ll remember that he’s made it clear that he’s hoping to date me in the future, even though he knows I have a boyfriend, so we truly can’t be the kind of friends where we get together and drink, because he’s thinking of me in a different light.  But I do truly understand the difficulty of divorce and needed my friends to bounce things off of.  I don’t want to seem callous and uncaring.  But then again, he has other friends, right? Guy friends that should be able to help him through this.

Is he taking advantage of the fact that I’m a nice person and always want to make sure everyone is ok, etc? Does he truly need someone to bounce? I did give him the advice of trying to work it out with the ex and not do lawyers.  I didLegalZoom.com because we saw what the lawyers did with my In-Laws and how much they raked in.  Of course, both parties have to be willing to compromise and I know I could’ve walked away with a lot more, but it wasn’t worth it to me in the end. I got what I needed and that is enough. He didn’t necessarily seem receptive to the idea, but he hasn’t been married that long…4 years maybe? 

I think I’m being played, but I’m not sure. At the very least, while I’m happy to be a sounding board for general stuff, exercise, motivation…I don’t know that I’m up for the divorce stuff.  I’m enough removed from my own divorce, but hashing through the emotions, decisions and the baggage of someone else’s weighs heavily on the spirit and I haven’t known this person long enough to take the brunt of that.

I think I’ve made my decision.  See how helpful you guys are?  I’m gonna pass.  I think it would be ok if other people were there, but just the two of us is not a good idea.

I think I need to be careful. I don’t know where my relationship with the Cowboy is going (but I am having fun). He lives far away and that leaves me vulnerable. Before, I didn’t think too much about it, but after Cabo, I’m distinctly aware of my surroundings and the people entering my circle.  A couple of things happened that I didn’t talk to anyone about (still haven’t) and the incidents left me feeling….trying to find the right word here….disconcerted?  Where you think you know the person you’re with, but later you have the distinct feeling that something wasn’t right and that maybe you were lucky that you walked away from the situation.  I don’t know, I can’t quite put my finger on it.  I just know what my gut feels, and that it threw me off my mental game.

To be honest, I think that’s why my week has been off, because I keep replaying these incidents in my mind and wondering. I feel like, while I made the right decisions, that I was close to something that unnerved me. That had I not made those decisions, something bad would’ve happened.

Ok…I’m done. Don’t wanna think about it anymore.