How Young Is Too Young?

So I’m at work talking with a couple of guy friends about the Super Bowl and our bets that we lost, etc. These guys are in their early 30’s to give you a perspective on their opinions. When I tell them that my bet consisted of a nice, home cooked dinner for a guy friend, they automatically assumed that there would be some pillow action to go with it. I laughed and said “No, that isn’t happening, he’s too young for me”! One of them made the comment that 17 and younger is too young and that basically anything 18 and over is open season.

I busted out laughing. Ewwww! The thought of any guy younger than my Boy (24) is disgusting to me. I told them that I’ve been dating guys within a 10 year age range (up or down) but anything over that is my own personal limit. They said that I was limiting my experience and that I should just go for it. Do the whole “Cougar Action”. I pointed out that I wouldn’t be attracting guys that young, and they disagreed (how sweet…or maybe they’re just trying to get on my good side) and said that I wouldn’t have a problem. To which I replied “This is fodder for the next blog”!

So the question is…”How young is too young?” My own Mother married a guy that was 2 years older than I was. She made some offhanded comment about me having a new step-father, and I put her in her place really fast! I told her that just because she marries some guy a couple of years older than her eldest child doesn’t make him my step-father. The age difference caught up with them and they divorced.

My MIL was 14 years older than my FIL and lied about her age to land him. She shaved off 5 years, and managed to keep it a secret the whole time, until I started doing her taxes. She even took late retirement so no one would know. They divorced and then lived together until she passed away in 2010. In 2008 we took a trip to Mexico and they were sitting on a lounge chair by the pool together. It was then, that I could see the difference in their ages and it was quite telling. She was frail and he was in good shape. She was 86 and he was 72. Because of their age differences, they didn’t do a lot of things together, which I think caused a lot of issues in their marriage. She was 40 when she adopted my ex…my FIL was 26. That’s pretty huge.

Am I saying that May/December relationships don’t work? No, I’m not. But I am saying that it becomes complicated. Especially if it’s a long term relationship, then age indeed becomes a factor. It’s interesting how acceptable it is for a man to be 14 years older, and not a woman. But while I do think that dynamic is changing, is it something that I feel ok in doing?

Actress Juliet Mills and Actor Maxwell Caulfield have an 18 year age difference. They've been married since 1980. And she says "Everybody is always interested in the fact that I am married to someone who is a lot younger than I am ... There are no rules, and that's what I believe, because age doesn't really matter. If you meet someone that you're really close to, someone that you love, stick with that."

I can’t say “never” because I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes things change, but I would have to say that for me to go for a guy that’s more than 10 years younger than I am (outside of a booty call, and even then….), well we would have to really rock each other’s fucking world so the feeling of being gobsmacked never wore off! And that, my friends, would take a lot! I kind of put that in the same category as “Happily Ever After” and you know from past blogs how I feel about that.

I met a guy this weekend that was totally charming. Every time he saw that my wine glass was empty, he would take my glass and refill it (may have contributed to my state of inebriation, but OMG, what a way to go!). He was very handsome, articulate and he showed me his weapon (get your minds out of the gutter) aka gun that he traveled with. Noice! Alas, according to my calculations, he’s 13 years younger than I am. DOH! Yeah, I don’t think this is going to work.

Now granted, the rumor is that women reach their sexual prime later than men do, and I’m inclined to believe that. I want sex all of the time and men my age, not necessarily. As a matter of fact (shhh…this is a secret…), my ex-boyfriend who was four years younger than I am, couldn’t keep up. Granted, he had some mad skillz, but… So in that sense, I could see why some women prefer younger men. But more than 10 years? Hmmmm.

A guy that I had a crush on in Jr. High just sent me this message on FaceBook: "FYI: You're pretty / sexy / elegant / and you look delicious ... I am happy to see that smile back on your face Dar Dar ... use it to get what you want in life ... I'm tellin' ya now ... you look good! What are friends for right? I have no motive in telling you this - other than to wish you glad tidings - I'm serious - now's the time to make your move - you look great"

While that is a huge stoke to my ego, should I use my looks, or more specifically my smile, to get younger men? Or even to get what I want out of life? Why can't it just be my scintillating personality (Unless my personality equals that of a dyed dumb blonde trying to alphabetize M&Ms), my skills, my intelligence?

Anyway, I’m always looking to see what you guys think. Feel free to comment. Am I off my rocker? Does age matter? Does it only matter during a certain window, and once you reach a certain age all bets are off? Is each circumstance different and should be judged differently? Do I ask questions like a 5-year old? Just seeing if you’re paying attention….