Compliments

So I was talking with my work “J” today. He was razzing me about having a different flavor of cowboy every week, etc. I laughed because that is such an over-exaggeration! I had to set him straight and tell him that most of my nights are spent alone. Just because I’ve had a couple of adventures…that doesn’t necessarily make me the social swinger of the decade!

He leans over and tells me that I’m the only woman he’ll break his marriage vows for, and it would be a hell of an 8 second ride (bull riding term). I joke and say that no 8 second ride is worth breaking your marriage vows or risking your boys for. He looks at me and says “8 seconds, 8 minutes, 8 hours, 8 days or a month…whatever it takes”. I just turned all shades of red (and I usually don’t react that way) and said “J, we’ve been friends for 20 years, and this could be the death of that friendship. I can’t afford to lose you over something like this.” He says that would happen only if we let it.

I can see that I’m going to have to let a little time go by before we talk again. I can’t break Rule #1 and Rule #2. That just wouldn’t be right! Quite frankly, I’m gob smacked and humbled that a man would say that and risk his home life for me. I find it unbelievable because I had a man that gave up our home life together for his addiction.

I was also gob smacked last night when a wonderful man paid me the ultimate compliment…”You’re flawed and imperfect and beautiful and fantastic.” Wow! I love this compliment because it gives a nod to my bad side and makes me feel that I could be beautiful and fantastic despite those physical and mental flaws that I possess in spades! With this guy, I’d be breaking Rule #6 (my jury is out on Rule #6, but I already had an incident happen that leads me to believe it’s a good rule). Personally, I think both men are sniffing industrial glue, but I’m thankful all the same.

Is it a “girl thing” the inability to accept compliments? Is it a “girl thing” to question the sincerity and the message of the compliment? I already know that women tear themselves down and critique their every flaw, usually in front of their men. My nose is too big, I’m fat, my butt is too big, etc. I try pretty hard not to point out my flaws because you’ll figure them out sooner or later. I do have a flat butt, but that’s really only compared to my family and a couple of girlfriends. Men are totally confused when we rip ourselves to shreds because they’re trying to figure out the best way to react so we won’t be set off.

But make no mistake…men tear themselves down also…they’re just more subtle about it. Women have a hard time picking up on what they’re saying unless they’re really paying attention and most of the time…they’re not. Most women are too concerned with themselves or the day to day stuff that’s going on. They think men don’t have misgivings about themselves, the relationship or trying to figure us women out (we’re foreign). It’s not always what men say, it’s what they do that should clue you into the doubts that they’re having. If your man compares himself to other men, he’s having some doubts. Do something about it.

Men enjoy receiving compliments and sometimes we forget that or don’t realize it. Men don’t always acknowledge the compliment you give them right away. Sometimes you think they didn’t hear it. What they do is process the compliment and then comment on it later. “You said I’m delicious” (damn right I did).

They also have this innate gift of knowing when your compliment is sincere, or when you want something out of them. I love to compliment men because when I do it, I’m sincere and I don’t give a standard compliment. What would you prefer to hear…”You look really nice tonight” or “Damn, the way your shirt stretches across your chest…Mmmmm”. You do the math.

I’m actually a woman that will compliment other women too. Why do women feel so threatened about acknowledging each other? Why do we have a desire to tear other women down? I love to say something when another woman is wearing something cool, or has an attractive hairstyle, nice shoes, etc. Granted, I get that some women may feel like I’m coming on to them or something, but that should make you feel good too, i.e. “Everybody wants me…YEAH!” A woman once asked me what I thought of some shoes she was trying on, and I said that if she didn’t buy them, I would. She couldn’t believe that I would compliment her instead of sabotaging her to get to the shoes. Not my style!

Where am I going with this thread? Compliments, being able to give and receive them, etc.. That’s right. I know that the compliments I receive and my inability to accept them are my hang-ups. Yes, I’m usually decent looking (I have my bad days just like everyone else does) and that’s genetics. It’s the “I’ll screw around on my wife for you” compliments that are difficult to react to. If I didn’t know this guy as well as I did, I’d say that he was full of it and just wanted one thing (and that would be from anyone…not just me).

Ah well...As you know (if you know me), I collect military hats.  I simply cannot pass a Veteran by whose selling these awesome hats, knowing what they've done for my freedom.  I just added to my collection today. So I'm posting the latest addition first, then a group pic of my hats!

My Latest Baby!

I'm missing a Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard hat. It's obvious I lean toward Army since the Boy and his brother (my Nephew) were both Army..and Marine since my Cousin's son Ricky is a Marine. 

Took this in 2010. Too bad it doesn't go lower, cuz that's an awesome VS bikini top!