Dating and the Single Older Woman

I was talking about this topic with a couple of people (KW and AP) and I’m totally intimidated by the thought of “actually” going out on a date.  This is, of course, my fault because during the separation and divorce, I ended up not doing things the right way.  I went for something safe and comfortable.

Since I’d known B forever, it felt great to not have to do the awkward stuff.  But after a year and a half, I realized, we had never actually gone out on a date…just the two of us.  We’ve gone to dinner with friends, we vacationed as a group, and even Valentine’s Day was shared with another couple. The only one-on-one time was spent in the bedroom or the living room. I realized this and told him “you need to date me” and he didn’t get it. He didn’t take the time to learn the little things about me and felt like it would be a step back.

Now anything that happened in Cabo doesn’t count because I was on vacation and smacked upside the head with a (I don’t even know what to call it) stick.  It wasn’t a stupid stick because that whole thing was not a mistake and it definitely was not stupid!  I’d do it all over in a heartbeat. And there was one-on-one time outside of the bedroom and the Condo.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but reality is kind of suspended on vacation, so it’s hard to know if any of it is real.

Since I got back, I’ve been focused on friends, the job, the house, exercise, death (or is it that death has focused on me), blogging and holding it together.  It’s not like I’m out trolling for men. It’s not like I’m at the bars every night looking for a guy to date. I go to meet up with friends, dance and see my buddies perform. I get asked to dance, but the bar is not where I’ll be handing out my phone number to an interested guy.  I have a couple of buddies that joined a “Meet Up” group, and a couple more doing online dating. You already know my thoughts on online dating, and while I’ve met up with my friends during their “Meet Up” (at a bar), I’m not sure about that whole thing.

I was telling my guy buddy “AP” (KW is my Girlie) about the whole intimidation factor of going out on a date and this is our text exchange (edited to protect identities…you know, the whole super hero thing…).

 

Wait a moment.  Let me twist my arm around to pat myself on the back.  Ok, I’m ready… I already know I’m worth a lot!  Hello…a girl who is into Apple products, shoots, cooks, independent, low maintenance, intelligent, drives like a man, conservative, non-froufrou, ok in the looks department, can toss back tequila like a pro….. On the other hand, I am opinionated, I like to get my way, I’m a little goofy, scarred physically and emotionally, have a habit of saying Nice (Noice) and Just Sayin’, swears like a fucking sailor and can toss back tequila like a pro…. Alright, it’s a wash. At least I’m not a psycho chick who buries the bones of the men who disappoints her in the back yard (as far as you know). I don’t think he understood that it wasn’t really about what I’m worth, etc. It’s more like I haven’t allowed myself to be in a situation to actually “Date”, i.e. go out on one!

Since I’m no longer the 20 year old bar-hopping tart I used to be, what does a woman my age do? I don’t want to date guys I went to high school with. I need to avoid my girlfriend’s brothers (although the jury is still out on one of them). I have guy friends, but it’s not cool to do your buddy’s buddy.  We don’t need to have that kind of vibe going around. And we’ve clearly established that I’m NEVER dating the guys I work with.

What does one do on a date? What do you talk about?  Have much changed in 20+ years?  Is it still a dinner or a movie? Does the person doing the asking pick up the check or is it dutch? I still have “Sleepless in Seattle” and “Tiramisu” running through my head.  But then again…I’m totally over-thinking this whole thing. I just have to relax and “do me” not anyone I think the other person wants to see. I just need to totally WYSIWYG this and have fun!

The nice thing is I don’t have rules about what I can and can’t eat on a date.  I don’t care if the cheese string on pizza snaps back and hits me in the face. I don’t care if parts of my dinner end up on my chest (when you have a rack, it’s inevitable…it’s always been that way…can’t have one without the other).  I’ll even eat liver (although I hate it) if I need to be gracious about it. I’m not into going to strip joints unless it’s a committed relationship, but monster trucks, pro-wrestling (although I don’t get it) and rodeo’s are in. I’m pretty much up for anything and love a challenge (don’t forget, I HATE to lose).

Damn…it’s moments like these, when I can see my neuroses’ on the written page that I really wonder about myself.  Ok Peeps...I'm gonna go out into the yard and get some green waste into the cans for pickup tomorrow!!!