Today with Beanster, etc.

So Beanie and I woke up this morning, and she had a dream that her "Daddy" was still alive (my dream was that my BFF hired Collective Soul to perform at a block party at their house...).  We talked about it and she told me that I'm not allowed to die until 3015.  I'm not quite sure where she came up with that, but I told her that would make me over 1000 years old and that I'd probably be a pile of goo. She said she would give me a magic shot so I'd be just like I am now.  You've got to love the mind of a 10 year old.  I love this girl so much!!!

We got up and made "Make your own baked potatoes" for breakfast..don't know why she loves it so much, but as long as she puts vegetables on it...it's ok in my book.  Afterward we did a little coloring, because that's what we do....

The ex called after we ate and invited us out for brunch, but it was too late.  I told him it was ok to drop by and visit Beanie. So he did.  Unfortunately he got here about a half hour before my sister picked up my Niece, so he didn't get to see her for too long.

It's really hard sometimes being with the ex.  We're friends and we always will be, and there's love there, but I can't go back to the RollerCoaster ride. He asked if he could take me to the movies, and I deflected the question with..."Well, it would be nice if the three of us could go so you can spend more time with Beanie...I know she would love that". I don't think he appreciated the reply.  He also had that scent of alcohol and that tells me there's still a problem. I AM NOT GOING BACK!  I just can't do it. I know this whole thing hurts him. I know he wants me back. It's so hard to take compliments from him because of the underlying theme. Ugh!  Why does this have to be so hard?

And yet, it isn't saying no that's the hard part.  For me, it's over and done.  It's seeing the pain and hurt in his eyes that makes it so difficult because I don't want him to hurt.  I know there's nothing I can do, but stick to my resolve and not muddy the waters with movies with just the two of us.   Perhaps I need to tell him in detail how I've moved on...but that would hurt him too.
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Ok Cat, I promised you another song if you would do an update and a pic.  Although, using an old pic isn't fair...so I'm still waiting, but I know you're good for it.  The song is Best of My Love from the Eagles...no background music...so make sure your dog is outside so the howling doesn't bother you!