Rules...

So I was talking with my friend “J” today…(hmmm another “J”, but I’ve known him since 93) and he says that I have too many rules. Personally, I think with him…one rule would be too many! Ok, let’s review Dizzy’s Rules…

1.     Don’t play in the work pond.

2.     Don’t play with married men.

3.     Don’t play with engaged men.

4.     Don’t play with men the same age or younger than my boy.

5.     Don’t play with men who don’t have their shit together

6.     And a new one I’m tossing around….Don’t play with the brothers of your friends.

Before I break these rules down “Dizzy Style”, let me just say that there are exceptions to every rule. Age and time have taught me that. My rules don’t necessarily work for anyone else but me, so I’m not trying to convince someone that they’re wrong, etc. And now that I’ve experienced love at first sight, I can honestly say that somehow, somewhere, someone is going to eff up my rules for me and I’ll consider tossing them out the frakking window!

Don’t play in the work pond – I think this is pretty much a no-brainer for me. With the kind of work I do, if I play in the work pond, I can lose respect of the teams I lead…especially if there’s stories and talk going around. My next step is Management (God help me!) and that definitely won’t fly!  Now, there are two men I know I could play with and no one would ever find out….they’re that discrete. And they’ve both made offers, but “J” is married (see Rule #2)  and the other has no clue what he wants. So…I don’t think so.

Don’t play with married men – That’s all I need…the drama of some man’s woman opening a can of Whupass on Diz! And I can’t really blame her, so I would have to take a beating for it.  Not only that, if I play with a married man, it would only be for a booty call because if he isn’t faithful to her, he damn sure isn’t going to be faithful to me!  What do I look…New?  So because I’ve known this “J” before each of us was married, there was always something there. We’ve been through a lot together. This is one step we haven’t taken, but he’d like to, and I’ll admit, I’d like to also. He’s a big hulk of a man (ex football player) and something about taming that….well, I digress.  However, I’d have to break Rules 1 & 2 to do it. And he’s got 2 boys.  I could never run the risk that I break up a family…especially his boys.  They need him. That would just put a bad mojo on my head.

Don’t play with engaged men – I pretty much think of engaged men as “married” because for all intensive purposes…they are.  They’ve made a commitment to spend the rest of their lives with their woman and that says “hands off” to me. Not only that, I’d fear pissing off an engaged woman more than a married one.  Do you know the crap you have to go through to prepare a wedding, etc.? OMG, pushing a woman, already on the edge, over is a suicide mission. And I’m not stupid!

Don’t play with men the same age or younger than my boy – Ewww…that’s just all kinds of creepy grossness! You already know how I feel about this one from a previous post..so…Nuff said!

Don’t play with men who don’t have their shit together – I’ve already put in my time taking care of people. I just can’t do it anymore.  I need a man that has a job (doesn’t have to be the greatest job, or make tons of money), has his head on straight and will have my 6 when the light goes green. I would expect him to want the same from me. I don’t believe that’s too much to ask.  I don’t care if he has kids (just makes a family), I don’t care if he has ex-wife baggage (who am I to talk?), I don’t care about the family baggage (those of you who know my family know exactly what I’m talking about). Just have your shit together for God’s sake!

Don’t play with the brothers of your friends – Believe it or not, this is a hard one for me. I’ve had history with the brothers of two of my friends.  The first one was my ex-boyfriend. I met him when he was 16 and I was 20. I already told the tale in a previous blog, so you know how that went down. Now that we’ve broken up, it’s a little difficult on my friendship with his sisters.  They’re cool about it and so am I, but its still “there”. 

The second brother “R” is a little different.  I knew “R” before I knew his sister, even though his sister and I are the same age (he is younger).  We all hung together in the same crowd.  Just when things were heating up with us years ago, life got in the way and the moment passed us by. We still remained tight friends. Now that he’s divorced and I’m divorced, we’re still tight and we’ve created some recent history. But now, I’m good friends with his sister and lived with her for a few months while the house was being built.  Hmmm.

Oh wait!  There’s more!!!  Now there’s a new brother! He’s the brother of a newer friend.  Cute, intelligent, funny, has his shit together…but he’s a brother (no not a brutha)!  What am I doing?  The worst part is he lives in town!!!  I know, right? I’m finally breaking the “Out of State Man” trend (and I so wanted to have a man in every State of the Union!). This is not good.  This can cause complications. This is why I’m considering this new rule and haven’t decided on it yet.  However, I did make my feelings clear to this person about the misgivings I’m having and he understands. So I’m not sure where this is going yet.  It did make me happy that he said no matter what happens, we’d still be friends.  I like that.

So there you have it.  Is “J” right….do I have too many rules? Or maybe I don’t have enough. In this relatively new world of being single, I don’t have a manual and I don’t necessarily know what the standards are. I just have to be chill about the whole thing and play it by ear. I think that as long as I remember my self-worth, and that I set some standards for myself, I should be ok. 

I also have to remember to have fun! I mean really…what’s the point of working hard if you’re not playing hard.  Life is too short and I have to take some chances…albeit smart chances.