World War Z Afternoon

So I headed out with my Girlies to see World War Z...knowing I'm not a Brad Pitt fan.  However, the movie rocked!  Yes, there were holes in the movie, but it was fast paced and suspenseful.  Plus, it had a decent story.  One of the Ladies I was with hates zombie movies, but she went to see it for Pitt and loved it.  So...GO!

Afterward we headed over to Chicago Fire and had salad and pizza (wasn't in the mood for pizza, but it was damned delicious) and then ended our afternoon.  When I got home, I proceeded to sit down..ok, recline on my comfy sofa, and promptly...fell asleep!  I don't usually snooze in the afternoon...especially when there isn't someone to snooze with.  Must be my horrific sleep patterns catching up with me.

I woke up and proceeded to head to WalMart (I rarely shop there, but it's extremely close) for some hearts of romaine and ice cream bars.  Yes, I try to keep ice cream out of my home because I will consume it all. But for some reason, I just didn't give a rats ass.  I'll be working off one of those ice cream bars and the margarita I'm about to drink on Vin Diesel (aka Obama) tomorrow and we'll see who the bitch will be at the end of an hour.

I heard from the ex and he's a little worried about the Beanster.  He's excited because she's going to go spend the weekend with him on the 12th.  I'm surprised that my sister is being so cool about the whole thing.  However, they just recently moved to a nearby suburb and he's concerned about my sisters ranting.  I get the worry, but I try to only bite off what I can help control.  Otherwise, she'll  drive me to the grave and my angel doesn't need that.  Ah well.  One thing at a time.

I'm going tequila down Peeps.  See ya tomorrow.

Fun In The Heat!

Been below the grid and haven't posted in a couple of days. Forgive me Peeps.  I've been out having fun in the heat. Friday was all about ME!  Yup...Doctor, hair and nail appointment.  Afterward, I picked up a couple of steaks and headed home to make diner for my Girlie "R".  She came over a little early and we lit up the blender making margaritas and prepping dinner.  

It was a top night.  We had a great time talking and catching up.  My grill is badass, and grilled those steaks to perfection!  We sat out on the patio for a time because it was nice and warm, my new margarita lights illuminating the patio area.  It was just a great time.  And she, of course, made me appreciate my move to Project Management even more!

Yesterday was dinner at my ex-boyfriend's Uncle "B".  This man can cook!  He made Chicken Oscar (grilled chicken with asparagus spears and a mound of dungeness crab, smothered in Bearnaise sauce) and when he prepped mine, he piled on the crab.  Totally spoiled me!  We lounged in the pool, drank some great wine and just had a really good time.  I'm going to need to reciprocate, but this man set the bar pretty high...so I'm gonna have to bring my A-Game when it comes to cooking for him.  His wife is one lucky woman!!

Afterward, we headed back to my Girlie "D's" house. Where my buddy C, and her son and girlfriend met us.  We again headed to the pool and more wine.  Even though the temp reached around 107 yesterday, it didn't feel all that bad with the pool, wine and great meal.  I pulled out the "Cards Against Humanity" game and it was on!  It was a good game, but we probably should've been a bit more inebriated...brings out the crazy of the cards.  Ah well.

Today, I'm meeting my girlies for World War Z.  I'm really not much of a Pitt fan, but the movie received good reviews, so we're gonna check it out and grab something to eat afterward. I still think ZombieLand is arguably one of the best zombie movies ever! The humor, the rules and Bill Murray....how can you go wrong?

Anyway...I'll let you know what I think when I get back. Until then.... hoping your making great use of your Sunday!

What To Do....

I have an opportunity to attend a year long training (generally a week a month) for IT Management. It's a really great opportunity and it would totally help my career.  I'm just conflicted about the timing.

Technically, I really don't have anything going on in my life right now.  No kids at home, no animals, no man, etc. So if I needed to burn the candle at both ends, I could do it. But I'm also working on that special project that may last to the end of the calendar year. It's high-profile and important, so I can't afford to fuck it up. Do I want my attention divided?  If I do both, I'm gonna need my vacation more than ever, and that's two weeks in October.  I already bought the plane tickets.  Do I cancel it?

I know I'm going to need to advance to management for more pay and to position myself for retirement.  On the other hand, I'm always bitching about our department.  Maybe doing this training will give me a global perspective on the pressures and demands of IT in the State, which will ultimately help me affect change. Do I have what it takes? The person who discussed the demands of the training seems to think that I do.

On the flip side, it seems like I've been going and going for the past 3 years...working on the house, working on my life, working at the job and I feel like I need a rest...but I don't like being by myself in this house...so do I get a kitty? See???  My thoughts are ping ponging around my head and I'm starting to think incoherently (Shut up you effers!!  No comments from the peanut gallery!).  I don't need glory, but I do need challenge.  And right now, other than this project, I may not be getting enough. Dizzy must ponder these options this weekend.

Lots to do. I have a doctor appointment, a hair appointment and then my nails.  My girlie R will be over tomorrow night so we can catch up. Saturday is dinner with uncle "B". Sunday is World War Z with A.  Keeping busy keeps me out of trouble, but I do know that I need to put some sweat time in the yard also...especially since 4th of July is coming. Ah well.

Ok Peeps.  No real juicy details to share or scintillating man gossip.  I never got back to M about going out this weekend.  I hope he doesn't think I'm blowing him off....but maybe I am. I just don't know about men anymore.  And God knows women don't do it for me...maybe I should just become celibate.  Now I've frakking lost my mind!

G'nite.

Things....

I spoke with the Fire Marshall today and there are no issues with me putting up a permanent barrier in place of the gate...WOOHOO!!  Now we'll see what those effers have to say!

I'm a little lost these days.  My mind is so full of crap that I miss the things standing right in front of me.  "J" texted me about missing his waving from his vehicle as I was making a right turn in the Durango. I didn't see him.  Saw the car, but not him.  He said that I was mindless driving and that's dangerous.  I corrected him. When I drive...I'm all about driving! My eyes are constantly scanning the locations of the cars, motorcycles and pedestrians around me. But when my mind is full, I don't see the faces, just the objects and the bodies.

Same thing walking around the facility. People have been saying that I totally ignored their "Hi" or their wave...didn't hear them or see them.  Too much occupying my brain at the moment. I don't mean to insult them or hurt their feelings, it just is what it is.

It doesn't help that my sleep patterns are off and that I'm watching the clock because the buzzing in my head won't subside.  Music usually soothes me, but it's not working right now.  I suspect that I will be on this project longer than anyone anticipated, due to the words spoken by the project sponsor today. This would mean me tracking 10 to 12 projects going on at the same time. It would be my entire focus and someone would have to manage the current projects assigned to me. I couldn't turn down the assignment due to the importance, and my management wouldn't let me, so I'd be on the hook.  This means more sleeplessness.

Got news that another person I work with will be leaving. The landscape of my workplace is changing fast and while I'm generally comfortable with change, I like knowing the players and how I relate to them.  The players are leaving and the new breed is not as vested in the outcome of things.   One of my faves "Sarge" has a retirement party tomorrow.

Sarge has seen many tours of duty, and his Son followed in his footsteps and became an Army Ranger. Sarge is all about the military, conservative, guns and ammo and all the things I enjoy discussing.  I will miss his razzing me, his supply of military calendars for my cubicle, his "cut through the bullshit' demeanor, his flaunting of the American Flag, Reagan poster and other things. I've known him for about 15 years and this is just gonna hurt!  He's watched me change from the sidelines of work and supported my efforts. I just feel like one of the pillars of my foundation has been ripped out.

The second pillar will get ripped out at the end of September when "A" leaves.  I am really gonna need Cabo after this....

Dancing Again (and not the kind I really like..)

Today was a different “Dance Monkey Dance” Day.  Today was picture taking day for the Superior Accomplishment Award that the team will be receiving next month.  While I generally take time to look nice for meetings, etc., today was one of those days where you know your face will be immortalized on the hallway wall for a year, and forever on the web.

I was honored to receive an award last year, and my picture was duly posted on the hallway wall in January…where it will reside until the end of December.  It’s a nice picture, but the comments I get….”Hey, saw your picture on the wall”, “Is that your picture on the wall?” “Moving up in the world”, “When are you getting into management?”, and it goes on and on.  The picture session was a lot of fun, and we wanted to do something different with the pic…so we came up with this one…

It’s not the greatest picture, but its fun.  He asked me if I had plans on getting into management, and I said that probably some day.  He said, “Ok, we won’t use it”.  To which I replied, “Look, people know me as fun. The day that stops’ happening is the day I walk. We’re going for fun.” He laughed and said ok.  Management shot it down, but still, it was fun pretending I was a supermodel for a day.

I really prefer to be on the sidelines and let my teams shine…they’re the ones doing the brunt of the work. I have a hard time when the focus is on me. You don’t necessarily see it, or know it unless you know me…extremely well, and most of the people I work with don’t.  I’d say there are about 10 people out of over 6,000 employees who really know me and that I’ll hang with outside the office.  When the focus is on me, I tend to go a little over the top, because I don’t know what to do with the attention. Do I dance, sing or something along those lines? UGH!!!

_______________________________

Today the Geezer was talking to a neighbor about my gate.  I could tell because they both kept motioning toward it and moving their arms as if to route direction through the gate.  I have to keep my eyes open. I've already had it damaged twice, and I don't want to have to fix it again.  Wait until I put a permanent fixture there.  Wanna talk about not being able to damage it? We'll have us a time!

Anyway, Dizzy is tired.  She's gonna see if she can get some sleep tonight. G'nite peeps!

DO I LOOK LIKE A POLYGAMOUS SWINGER TO YOU???

Yesterday was rough. A lot rougher than I thought it would be. Since I was in a funky frame of mind, you just know that someone could tip the scales in the wrong direction and Dizzy would be off on a tangent.

The unlucky recipient was my friend “JH” (yeah, I know…another frakking “J”).  He had the nerve to post the following on Facebook:

“I’m not a proponent of the “nanny state” but there probably should be a law against someone wire-walking over the Grand Canyon without a safety harness or parachute. “

Oh No You Didn’t!!!!  Dizzy just dove head first off the deep end and replied:

Oh Good Fucking Lord!!!! Really J? So now you want the government to curtail your method of being in touch with life…just because it might kill you? So disappointed!  And the hits just keep on coming!

Needless to say, there was some serious messaging going on because he didn’t appreciate my response. Boo Hoo!  Come to find out, he’s dealing with some kid stress, so that may be part of it.  However, there’s no excuse for wanting government to wipe the proverbial butts of Americans! Wipe your own damned butts people!

The messaging got more interesting from there.  I had referred to his children as progeny.  Here’s how the rest of the conversation went......

 

Him:  Speaking of progeny, you should reproduce….

Me:   I’m too old. I haven’t found the right guy and I’m afraid of this politically correct world I’d bring them into.

Him:  You can have my sperm.

Me:   Thanks. But if I conceive a child, I want passion and hot sex behind it!

Him:  I didn’t rule that out. How do you think I got my kids? E exists because I didn’t want to finish via oral in the shower!

Me:   Yeah, but I don’t do married men.

Him:  Such limitations….and it isn’t even illegal…

Me:   If I was married to you and any woman wanted to dare come between us and have your babies….I’d make her suffer.  So I got your girlie’s back.

Him:  Sigh

Me:   Marriage means something to me…it always has.

Him: And if one has permission/consent?

Me:   Maybe she’s giving you permission to find out if you’re really hers. i.e. let something go and if they come back they’re meant to be with you.

Him:  That was already established ages ago.

Me:   I think she’s just trying to find out if you’re all in. Be hers….100%

Him:  Ahem, polygamous swinger.

Me:   If she’s had kids….she’s not! Trust me!

Him: Uh huh

Me:  Trust me…..

 

Where do I start?  Why are married guys attracted to me? Why do they want me to have their babies? He’s the third frakking guy to make that offer.  REALLY??? Why are they soliciting such complication in their lives?  Like I really need to deal with that right now!  Don’t they know who I am? What I’m about?

I am one lowest maintenance chicks a guy could have! I don’t need drama, I don’t need to know where you’re at every second of the day, I know you need ‘guy time’ and as long as you’re prepared to understand I need my girlie time, we’re cool. I wear makeup due to the job, but am perfectly happy makeup-less. I prefer dressing down to dressing up (unless I’ve got plans for my man). I don’t mind getting dirty and I don’t mind hard work. I will try to fix something or do something before I will ask you for help. I’m pretty independent.  I don’t mind silence while in a room together and I’ll never ask you if I look fat in an outfit. I’m a pretty cool customer under pressure. This means that I will run from drama, and I will not get into a situation where I’m going to have a married man’s baby…so stop frakking asking me!

And one more thing…If I was even remotely interested in swinging, I’d have done it in Cabo, when I had the chance!  Not here, not with someone I work with, and not married!  Why do I attract all the complicated nut jobs and stalkers?  I think I’m going to have to do some serious introspection here. I already bit off enough drama hooking up with a complete stranger.  I need to check my radar, I need to check my sanity, I need tequila…STAT!

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Whew……  Dizzy has a lot going on right now. And when it’s just you, and no man, kitty or children waiting at home for you, the tendency is to focus entirely too much on yourself and not the world around you. I need to take a side step to the right and just breathe. Unfortunately, I’m dreading the month of July. There’s so much going on, so many birthdays and visiting my Nephew on the hill. Not to mention this project and the “Dancing Monkey” that Dizzy will have to be for the big meetings coming up. I need a man with strong hands to relieve the tension from my neck and shoulders.  Any Volunteers??? And for the love of God!!!!  If you’re married, work with me, or want me to have your child…I will line you up in the sights of my Sig!

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry Peeps

Once again, I don't feel much like blogging. I'm having a bittersweet day and I'd rather drown it in Tequila and self pity. Forgive me.  I'll be better tomorrow.

3 Years Ago Today

At this very moment, I was standing witness, watching as my Mother-In-Law gasped out her final breaths.  I held her hand so she wouldn't start this journey alone. I cried because I knew I was somewhere that perhaps I shouldn't have been, but blessed that I was there at such a personal moment for her.

I knew I was watching the exit of an extraordinary life. A woman who braved the odds and traveled alone to be a school teacher where she didn't know anyone. In the late 40's, women didn't travel too far from home and live alone. They married early and became housewives.  She dared to imagine a different life for herself, but ultimately, she ended up being that housewife, mother and always a teacher.

It's 11:59 and it's right about now where the final breaths came. It was a struggle, and I found myself laboring to breathe because that's what it felt like for her. I was willing her to take a deep breath, but it didn't happen that way.

12:00 a.m., and she let out this whoosh of air and was silent. I shook her, but I knew it was over. I felt bad because her only son should've been there at this moment. I also felt so alone. In her final years we became closer than ever.  I respected her much more than I did my own mother. I understood her better and knew why she made some of the choices that she did. When she left, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that the life I had, the life with her, the life with her son, was over.

It's 12:05 and it's right about now where I know I need to bring someone in to call it. I also need to phone the ex and let him know. It just happened so fast that I couldn't call him and he'd never make it back in time.

I think things happen for a reason.  We don't necessarily know the why's when it happens, but if we're lucky, we eventually find out.  Mom's home is now my home. I made it into the place she would've wanted and I know that I wanted. It is bittersweet.

In the end, I was blessed by knowing her and I'm blessed every day I wake up in my home. Yes, we had our differences and arguments, but we respected each other and we loved each other.

Beth Cromwell Trafton - July 25th, 1921 - June 23rd, 2010

Super Moon...and Totally Killed It!

Well, both parties were a success!  Based upon the comments from both parties, my lasagne turned out to be the bomb...even thought I forgot the olives.  Anytime you make homemade marinara sauce, it always takes your meal to the next level.  Glad my Girlies are happy.  The great thing is I made everyone take leftovers home, so I don't have a lot of crap in the fridge. Woohoo...I have enough to make one more batch of lasagne, and I'm planning on freezing it for someone else's birthday.  Don't know if that person will ever eat it...but it'll be ready for July!

If you haven't been out to gaze at the Super Moon...stop reading my blog and get your ass out there.  It is spectacular!  It's the kind of moon that men should be proposing to their ladies under.  Simply breathtaking!  My whole half acre is lit up in this etherial light and I just know that this moment will never quite be the same again.  I may gaze at a Super Moon, but its a "right here, right now" moment.

As soon as I'm done with this blog, I'm going back out with my chair and a beverage to take it all in again. It's a bittersweet Moon though, because its the kind of moon where you should be sharing it with someone special. All my someone specials live far away (brother, boy, boytoy) and I really wish there was someone here to sit quietly with and just experience it....no words, idle chitchat, just breathing, being and enjoying.

G'nite my friends...

P.S.  This is what Dizzy looks like in the morning after yapping half the night away with a buddy.  Glad Winnie the Pooh can still smile at my no-makeup face!

Paula Deen, Dating and Girls Nite

What’s the big fuss about Paula Dean? First she gets slammed last year for not fessing up about knowing she was diabetic for the past three years, but continuing to cook the food she does. And now it’s for using racial slurs in the 60’s.  Really People???  Let’s break it down Dizzy Style...

Diabetic – Paula Deen is known for her Southern Style cooking and true southern cooking is not diabetic friendly.  Just because she’s diabetic, doesn’t mean she stops a working formula and stops cooking southern, or even cooking healthy on her cooking show.  I do not watch Paula Deen for diabetic friendly recipes…Do you?  Ok, so she’s diabetic.  Isn’t that her business and no one else’s?  Why should she have to fess up and tell the world? Why does the world expect her to change her cooking? Who really gives a rats ass? You Effing Politically Correct Douches…and you know who you are…expect her to kowtow to you and suddenly become a paragon of health because she’s diabetic?  I got news for you Jackholes….just because I lost 120 lbs, doesn’t mean I never eat fattening food and suddenly become a paragon of fitness! Suck it!

Racial Slur – Paula Deen is a Southern White Woman who has watched the south change with the times. Isn’t it possible that she’s changed with the times also? My MIL was a privileged southern white woman who used racial slurs in the past also.  Do I suddenly hold it against her because I’m a woman of color and I find the term “Nigger” offensive? You politically correct douches have nothing better to rant over?  Come on!!   My MIL changed too, and when her Son married me, she didn’t care about the part of me that was black…she cared that I knew my way around a kitchen.  Should I hold it against her that she’s prejudiced against non-cooking women? And for that matter, why are you not up in arms over black people calling each other “Nigga”???  You should be! Oh, I get it…It’s ok for a person of that race to call each other a racial slur…so if I was Polish, it would be ok for me to call another polish person a Pollock, or if I was Mexican, I could call another Mexican a wetback, etc.  We’ve all said inappropriate things at one time or another. We all make mistakes. Get over it.

Message to Paula Deen…I know you’re too Ladylike to do it (I’d be happy to do it for you), but you need to give the finger to all the naysayers and politically correct ‘perfect’ people out there and just do your thing.  This woman of color has your back Baby!!!

Got asked to catch some dinner and a movie this weekend. Totally came out of left field. He’s a vendor and “M” is a very nice (and easy on the eyes) guy, but I’m hesitant to take him up on his offer. Technically he doesn’t work with me, but…  I told him I have Girls Nite tonight and my Cousin’s birthday tomorrow…both of which I’m hosting, so he said maybe next weekend.  That’ll give me plenty of time to stew over whether or not to do it.  Great….like I need another thing to stew over….

The lasagne’s are made and in the fridge, the bread is prepped…just have to make the salad spears and pick up some stuff and ice on the way home.  It’s gonna be all about the food, drinking and Cards Against Humanity (never played it??? You are so missing out. Politically Correct Douches would have a coronary playing this game!).

Peace Out!

 

Racist Black People, Marinara Sauce and an Awesome Weekend....

Chicago Teachers Union (CTU) President Karen Lewis made some statements that have me really torqued.

“When are we going to address the elephant in the room? When will there be an honest conversation about the poverty, racism and inequality that hinders the delivery of a quality education product in our school system? 

When will we address the fact that rich white people think they know what’s in the best interest of children of African Americans and Latinos – no matter what the parents’ income or education level?”

So this woman is blaming white people on the failure of the Chicago school system and calling for billions in new taxes. According to US News, Chicago and New York City teachers (K-12) receive the highest compensation in the nation, in the neighborhood of $84,000.  24/7 Wall St. (241wallst.com) reports that students in Chicago lagged behind their peers in large urban districts in science. The Stats show that Illinois is 32^nd in Math, 29^th in Reading, 21^st in attendance, and 32^nd in Graduation among the States. Clearly, higher pay does not guarantee a better education or statistics when measured with other States. CTU left 40,000 children out of school indefinitely for a strike last year and turned down a 16% raise offered in September because it wasn’t enough.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for our teachers being well paid because God knows, the jobs they do are thankless and compounded by disinterested parents that dump their kids in the school system as a babysitting option and won’t expend the effort to ensure their children’s education.

However, as a partially black woman, I am sick to death of the finger pointing and racist remarks against white people as if it is the “White Agenda” to squash the education of our children…all children. Really Karen???  Is that the best you can do? With your fat salary and the City of Big Money, Oprah and Obama, you’re trying to tell me that the Minority White’s are deciding what’s best for the children of Chicago and not you?  (Yes…White’s are the minority…I checked the Stats. African American and Latinos make up the majority of the population in Chicago.) Because God forbid Karen…It can’t be you and your regime’s fault that the children are suffering and uneducated!  What guarantee do the people of Chicago have that if they throw more money in your direction that their children will get the education they deserve?  You haven’t delivered yet! The taxpayers should be throwing you out and bringing in someone result oriented.  Because ultimately Karen, you work for the people of Chicago, just as I work for the people of California.

I hate when people spew their racist drivel and expect everyone to get onboard with it.  Sorry, I had to work hard to get where I am, and it wasn’t handed to me.  We, as a Nation, have to expect more from ourselves and fight for it, without the cloud of racism staining everything.  I was never a slave (a Great, great grandmother was), I was never oppressed under slavery, and while I may have had a few racial slurs thrown my way, it’s not enough to deter me from the life I expect from myself.  UGH!!!  I’m willing to bet that good ole Karen has no idea what it’s like to be oppressed either!

Enough of this topic….

I woke up to the fantastic smell of Marinara sauce. Even though I had all the windows open in the house last night, the smell was still there, and it was good.  I turned off the crockpot and blended the sauce, put it in a different container and into the fridge. Tonight I’ll be making Lasagne with the homemade sauce.  I also roasted garlic and made garlic butter  and sautéed sausage last night, so I’d be ready to make everything.  In between, I’ll be house cleaning.  Dizzy is a very busy girl, and the busier I am, the less I have time to think and worry about things I can’t control.

Today the boss, my co-worker L and I went out to lunch and talked shop among other things.  After the general meeting discussion, we had some fun talking about trips.  Since “L” went to Cabo with me in October, she ended up bringing up the trip and a couple of things that happened on it.  She really wants to go back badly, and at every opportunity she’s asking to sleep on the sofa.   She knows that I reserved a 1 bedroom and whether I’m alone in that bed or not, I’m not sure I want someone in the living room.  Know what I mean?  There are certain BFFs that it wouldn’t be a problem with, but a co-worker knowing all your vacation business…well, I think you get my drift.

I personally think she knows too much about the last trip and is constantly asking me about the people we met there that I keep in touch with. I didn’t expect the vacation to go down the way it did, and had I known, I would not have had a co-worker staying with me.  But it is what it is. 

On a good note, “R” came over and fixed my gate for me.  He’s the contractor that worked on my home.  I called him desperate last night after the fiasco I came home to. He called me at work today to let me know.  God, I love that guy!  If he was single….  I did make the calls to the Sac Metro Fire Department and filed a police report. The Fire Inspector is out of the office for the next week, but I’ll let him know what I’m up to when he gets back.  I have no worries about putting up a permanent barrier, but it’s gonna piss some people off….So Be It!  There are consequences for effing with my gate!

Don’t know if I’ll be posting tomorrow.  It’s Girls Night, so K, T, and K will be over for some dinner, drinking and general frivolity. What’s life without your BFFs?  These ladies always have my back, worry about me and make sure I have my shit together. What’s not to love?

Saturday is my Cousin’s birthday party, so all in all, it’s going to be an extremely busy weekend.  I hope your weekend is as good as mine…if not even better!

Post Script...

I came home today and found some JackHole had messed with my gate again.  One side was off of the hinge and leaning on my neighbors fence and the other was wide open.  They had cut the rope and did more damage.  Second day in a row to be pissed off in the evening.

So Dizzy will be filing a police report online and contacting the Fire Marshall and informing them of the permanent barrier that I will be putting up.  If the fuckers want a fight...they got it.  They'll never get vehicle access again!  And the barrier that I put up will fuck up their vehicle beyond all recognition.  SUCK IT BITCHES!!!

And now I'm forced, yet again, to be a complete bitch!

I'm Too Sexy....

I had lunch with “RD” today and we had some good Mexican food at El Patron. I think it’s becoming a monthly ritual to meet for lunch and I quite enjoy it.  We catch up and compare notes, talk about our kids, etc. But the jerk is getting into the habit of making me blush…and I hate that!

He pays me compliments on my looks and stuff, but he expects that I have a healthy amount of conceit to go with it. He expects that I KNOW that I’m good looking or have a great body, or that I can attract men etc.  And I don’t see myself in that light. I rather think that I’m like every woman. We have our good days, where we know we’re spot on (or at least feel like we are) and we walk like we rule the world. And we have Medusa days where we’re positive that our face should not be seeing the light of day or anyone unlucky enough to gaze upon us will be turned to stone.

I’ve said it before that I see myself as a “Plain Jane”. I don’t have striking looks or exceptional beauty. I have friends that do, and when I compare myself to them, I’m sadly lacking. But I do have other attributes that, I think, help tip the scales back in my favor.  I’m more of a realist.  Take today for instance.  Yes, I look really nice. I have a nice shorter crochet dress in beige on and it sets off my tanned skin…especially my legs.  I’m wearing beige high heeled pumps which make my legs look even longer. Of course the hair is done and the monkey face paint is on. So, I look pretty good. But when he makes comments and says things about me being able to land any guy, etc.  I see it as someone blowing smoke up my ass, and I start turning red.

I guess it has to do with all of those years of being heavy. It is extremely difficult to see myself as something other than what I was for years…morbidly obese.  And being morbidly obese means you’re pretty much invisible to the outside world….unless there’s a reason for someone to speak to you.  Other than that…you pretty much don’t exist.  So when people say things like I’m beautiful or whatever, it goes in one ear and out the other.  People who’ve been told “You’d be pretty if….” know exactly what I mean.  Granted, I brought it on myself, and I’m working on changing my mindset, but it’s very easy to revert back to what you’re used to…and I’ve been told stuff like that since I was a kid.

My family used to tease me horribly and call me all kinds of names (thunder thighs, whale in the water, etc)…and the worst part is…looking back at the old pictures, I was not fat! It’s only now, as an adult that I realize they did what they did out of their own insecurities, and to deflect the attention of the AntiChrist from themselves to me.  But for YEARS…I believed them.  And some small part of me is always fighting to prove that I am good enough.  Granted, divorce because your ex chose alcohol over you is quite a blow to the ego, and sets a person back a bit, but I left the marriage because I am worth fighting for. Ah, the yin and yang of it all.

I just have to learn to say “Thank you” to the compliments and stop the damned blushing. Every one of us has our insecurities. Every one of us can pick something about ourselves that we’d like to change, or a defect, or whatever. And when we say something to our friends about it, they think we’ve been hiding in the closet with a bottle of Elmers Glue stuck up our nose, huffing away. 

The  great thing is, I think I’m at a point in my life where my perception of myself has changed for the better. And more importantly, my mental opinion of myself has evolved to a point where I don’t need to have the acceptance or the opinion of others to be ok with myself. I’m less concerned with outer beauty and more concerned that my morals, my ethics and my ability to be a worthy friend will make me dazzlingly gorgeous on the inside.  So much so, that no one will care what I look like on the outside.

Ultimately, the man I’m looking for will be compelled to be with me because he finds the attributes on the inside so stunning that he can’t live without me.  That those attributes bring joy, meaning, fun and security to his life and a day without them would be like a day without sunshine. Isn’t that what we’re all really looking for?

So RD…my final parting words are…Stop looking at my ass!  It’s all love!

Ripped a New One!

Dizzy had to rip a new one!  She was not a happy camper.  When my kitty got sick I took her to the local veterinary clinic. $500 later, they couldn't tell me why she was bleeding internally....only that she was diabetic and needed insulin. I wasn't happy with their service and told them so.

When my kitty passed away while I was in Cabo, I suspected that because we never got to the root cause of her illness, that the Vet was partially responsible...although I never should have left her. Right after I get back and buried her, I get an email from the Vet.  I email them back and let them know my cat is dead, so don't contact me. A few weeks later, I get a call from the vet, I again tell them that my cat is dead...don't contact me!  I then proceed to get the vet clinic newsletter, so I unsubscribe, send them another email and tell them not to contact me.  A couple of weeks ago, I received another email from the vet clinic, and again...informed them my kitty is dead and to stop contacting me!  Yesterday, I got a post card telling my that my kitty's checkups are past due.  NOW I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!

After work today, I drive my ass over to the vet...post card in hand and wait in a line of people to talk to someone.  I finally get up there and ask if I can speak to the person responsible for the newsletters and post cards that get sent, and she asks me if I have a question.  No, I reply...I have a request, and I'd like to speak with that person.  She goes and gets him.  This guy is no more than 23, or 24 and has no idea that quiet hell is about to rain down on his head.

I ask "are you the gentleman that sends out the emails, newsletters and post cards?"  Yes, he replied.  I show him my post card..."Do you see this name and address listed on this post card?" Yes, he replied.  I lean over and very quietly say "I want you to remove this name and address from every data base, contact list and card list that this vet clinic has."  He asks,  "Are you the person that emailed a couple of weeks ago about not receiving any more emails?"  I reply "Yes, I am...and every time this clinic contacts me, I get more and more pissed off.  I've requested numerous times that you stop contacting me because my kitty is dead! And every time you ignore me and continue to send this crap, you are opening a wound. If I receive one more contact from this place, I'm going to show you pissed off in a new way, through a lawyer!  Is there anything about this request that you don't understand?"  No, I understand completely, he says. "And I won't be receiving anything else, right?" No you won't, he says.  "Thank you for your time"...and I walk out of the reception area, which is completely silent because everyone wanted to hear my conversation...even though I didn't yell or raise my voice.

I fucking hate being a bitch.  I always try and opt for nice because I can get more with nice.  But if you unravel me (and it takes a lot to unravel me), I will kick your mother fucking ass...usually verbally.  You have no idea what you've unleashed and it will take a huge effort on my part to reign myself back in. Most people have not seen me that pissed off, and I was nice to the guy at the Vets.  You ask a select few of my BFFs and they will tell you to RUN! You ask a select few co workers, and they will tell you the same thing. It's extremely rare for me to lose it at work, but if I do, you'll never forget it...and you'll never piss me off again.

Do I think I'm a princess?...NO! Do I think I deserve special privileges?...No!  But I do demand common courtesy and earned respect (not given respect...there is a difference). If you try and throw me, my BFFs or my teams under a bus that is not deserved, then whatever comes next is what you deserve...and I promise you, it will not be pretty!

Goooosssssfrahbah!  In with the good mojo...out with the bad mojo.  I am at peace with the universe...Oooooommmmmm! Ok, Dizzy feels better now.  Just needed to vent!
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Last night after I had fallen asleep, I get a phone call around 10:20 p.m. from a guy looking for my FIL. I tell him that he doesn't live here anymore and can I take a message. He asks if I can give him the FILs new number.  So I tell him that I don't give the number out to just anyone. If he would be so kind as to let me know who he is and what this call is regarding, I may be able to help him out.

Seems it's time for Dad's high school reunion in Oregon, and there isn't many of the high schoolers left! I end up having a 20 minute conversation with this guy (very sweet and nice guy) and give him the info he's looking for.  He asks me if I think the FIL will be up to take his call and I just have to laugh.

What is it about retired people thinking the world revolves around them?  They forget what its like to go to a 9 to 5 job and be in bed at a certain hour because they no longer live by those parameters....BUT I DO BUDDY!  How do I know if my FIL keeps ungodly hours like you do???  You're just gonna have to call and find out!  I offer to take his name and number, just in case he doesn't reach the FIL, and he gives me the info and we say goodbye......

And another night of sleep is shot to hell!  They come so few and far between.  Ah well.  Such is life.

Honored

I just received a series of texts. S "N"s mother (my Nephew that was adopted and passed away two years ago this coming July) sent me a picture of the homemade tattoo machine he made, since his mother wouldn't let him get a tattoo under the age of 18 (I know my boy is familiar with this rule).

As she said..."his brain was so mechanical and complicated...so sweet and tender".  Sounds like the brothers (her boy and mine) are alike.  My boy is the same way, but so logical, mathematical. He would like to know that his brother was that way, and I'll be sharing that (or this blog...can't decide yet) with him.

I told her that it was funny that she's sharing this with me because I've been seriously mulling over a tattoo that combines all the kids names (there are four) in an armband around my right arm.  It needs to be a tasteful tattoo that can grow old with me.  S said to let her know because she's considering one, and would like to get cut together.  How cool is that?

She also told me that her niece is having a baby in late October and she's naming the baby after my nephew.  I was so touched to hear that....but the highest honor is that I'm getting an invite to the baby shower!!!  The adoptive family is inviting me...an outsider...from the family that gave him up...to the baby shower!!!!  I can't feel any more honored than I do at this moment.

I've missed this kid every day that he was gone, even though I knew he was loved, cherished and being cared for.  And now that he's gone, there's a hole in my heart that will never go away.  But to know that this family understands that and wants to include me in the next generation of their family is so humbling. I know I'm not worthy of it, but I'm so thankful that I have it.

I'm verkempt...going to bed.

Off The Pity Pot

Although I didn't go into work today, due to the pinched nerve in my back, I did decide to pull my head out of my ass and look at things from a different perspective.

Tonight, for dinner, I made myself pasta and took my time with it. Shallots, garlic, green onions, spices, truffle salt, butter/olive oil blend...it was quite yummy. I was tempted to open a bottle of wine with, but I'm a little wined out from the weekend.  Right now I'm sipping on a Fireball 'tini and thinking.

I think the future is going to open up for me. I just have to wait and be patient.  I just have to keep the doors open and the mind open.  Truth be told, I'm doing pretty well at my job..12 years ago, that was a different story.  I had troubles adjusting to being a working parent and it affected my job.  My boss even wanted to kick me out of the unit, but I wouldn't let her. I told her that I would suck it up and gut it out. I did! And it paid off in a big way.

Now, my management tells me that I'm always requested to work on projects and they have to tell people no, that my time is already allocated. I've been fortunate to be awarded 2 years in a row. Now that corporation requested me to speak at their convention. It's a little scary cuz I know how quickly it can all come crashing down...and I KNOW my teams are responsible for how good I look (they rock).

I have to take the same approach to my personal life. I have to let things happen and stop trying to control it.  I can't necessarily control the person I end up with, I just have to be open to having fun and meeting new people.  A couple of my BFFs think I need to "trade up" as they call it, and go for a  man with lots of money. I personally don't want a man with a stick shoved so far up his ass that he can't relax and have fun.  I need a fun man.  I don't really care about the money per se...I would like him to have a job and be able to take care of himself. Other than that...I don't I'm that picky. As long as he's not threatened with me doing me, and he's a secure, confident guy, I think we'd be just fine.

A friend is thinking about going back online to find someone...Match.com, or whatever that other one is.  If you've read my blogs, you know that isn't for me. I can be whomever I want to be online, and so can the moron trying to date me.  Not going there! Life is difficult enough without having to work so hard weeding out the idiots from online dating.

I think something is coming around the corner that is going to really shake things up.  I just have to wait for it (something Dizzy always has a hard time with).

Heard from my Cabo friends C and B.  They are too much fun!  I can't wait to see them again, as they really know how to show a girl a good time in P-Town. I'm hoping they take me up on my offer to stay with me in Cali. I know they'd have fun!

G'nite Peeps.

WANTED: Zombie Apocalypse Partner

Must be a good shot, have own weapon and ammo. Must be in good cardio shape.  Must know "Zombieland" rules.  Snorers become zombie bait!
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Ok, I'm taking a lighthearted approach at something a bit more serious. Somebody said something today that struck a chord with me, and it had to do with feeling safe.  I started thinking about that subject and it left me a little retrospective.  When was the last time that I felt safe?

It's not that I don't feel safe when I'm with my friends, I do. But there's always an edge....do you know what I mean? It isn't their job to keep me safe.  I'm not their priority, the other people in their families are. So I really don't have anyone that I'm a priority to...

Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and I'm capable of doing what needs to be done. But how long can a person be careful, wary, on top of things?  I worry that I may get complacent and slip up...that's when bad things happen. I worry that since I can't see behind me, that something may sneak up when I least expect it.

I want to rest my head and not worry that I may have to wake up quickly and defend myself.  Knowing that I feel this way on a small level makes me wonder about being in combat and always being cautious.  Although you do have your brothers and sisters watching your back, so that's cool.  Kinda reminds me of the Creed song "Whose Got My Back Now".

That's ok. The scary part is that I'm going to be so tough and cautious that I'll let the right guy slip through my fingers...

I NEED A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE PARTNER!!!

Father's Day...and other Things...

It's Father's Day.  So many things are going through my head, but the one that stands out the most is those Fathers who've lost their Sons and baby Girls.  The loss of a child doesn't stop a Dad from being a Dad. Nor does it stop me from recognizing their efforts after those hard earned years.  I know Father's Day isn't happy for you anymore because you think about what you've lost, but please try to see Father's Day from the eyes of the children lost...They celebrate you and true love never dies. You are a Father forever!

I had a wonderful weekend in Wine Country. Today was a special tour through a very small amateur wine operation and some tastings...too fun. Afterward was a private tasting at a winery called Benovia.  The Zinfandel was to die for.  And then....

Dizzy went to spice heaven. There's a spice shop in Santa Rosa called Penzey's and it was the bomb! There were spices galore and I walked out with a few.  I love to cook and experiment. And for someone like me, spices open up a whole new world! Needless to say, I'll be having some fun cooking for awhile...too bad there's no one to cook for, but I still have the big BBQ coming up.  We'll see.

I went to lift something heavy this morning and I felt a pop in my back...not good.  It's been sore all day and I'm wondering what's going to happen tomorrow.  I need to get my ass back on the StairMaster after this weekend of wine and food.  UGH!!!  Also have a lot to do on the project tomorrow.  Things are heating up and this summer is gonna be a killer!

What a Day!!!

So today, we went into the town of Healdsburg and shopped at this really cool store.  "T" bought "C" some champagne flutes for her birthday, then we headed to a wine tasting place right next store.  

They paired wine with food and it was the most amazing experience!  I even bought some truffle sea salt that will be the absolute bomb on roasted chicken as a finishing salt!  We tasted this one snack that had a bland cheddar cheese with a creamy blue on top, topped with a pecan and honey and paired with this cab.  OMG, it was the total bomb. 

We then headed to this winery called  Passalacqua and enjoyed a lunch of crackers and cheese, wine and chicken with an incredible view....

Then we proceeded upstairs where we enjoyed a tasting of Cabs.  So fun!  After we left there, we proceeded to yet another winery and drank ourselves silly.  So happy that I wasn't driving.

When we got back to the Raford Inn, there was yet more wine and cheese.  We yapped with the other guests and had some fun laughing. 

We went to dinner at this restaurant called Canneti's and it has to be one of the most spectacular dinners I've ever had. We started with wine that we brought and appetizers of crispy anchovy on toast points with caper sauce.  And I could go on and on about the menu, but I know I'd only bore you to tears.  Suffice it to say, it was delicious and memorable. The company was interesting, and funny, the chef paid us special attention, and I can't remember a time when a dinner lasted more than three hours and the time just felt like it raced by. 

After a nice shower I'm finally in bed.  My bedmate says that I smell really good....hmmmm could be an interesting evening, but Dizzy don't swing that way...ha ha!!!

G'nite peeps!

Wine Country

So I headed to Wine Country with an old friend 'T" and some new friends...OMG...these peeps know their wine.  Fortunately, I didn't have to drive, so I'm quite happy about that.  This just means that I get to drink more....WooHoo!!!

We're in the Russian River area, and the grape vines are lush and green.  It's nice to see everything thriving and people taking advantage of the weather and the grapes.  I'm staying at this really cool Inn with an incredible view of the valley.  Let's see if I can't post a picture from the patio deck...

I know...right?  An incredible view!!!  It's moments like these that I know how lucky I am to have such great friends and great opportunities.  

The last winery we visited...Hereford(?), I ended up next to a guy from the Bay Area.  In a strapless dress, I can get away with whatever I want, and we had fun chatting and flirting.  Not my type though, but that doesn't mean Dizzy can't hone her skills...right?

We also visited Lynnmar Winery, and let me tell you...this winery is high falootin! They could easily be pretentious wine snobs, but everyone was nice and friendly.  We took a tour through the caves and learned about barrels and labels.  The barrels are toasted before use..you can get a lightly toasted barrel (LT), a Medium Toasted Barrel (MT) or a heavy toasted barrel (HT).  They also mark the barrels with the total years that they've been cured. The average is 2 to 3 years.  However, there are a couple of barrels that have been aged over 5 years...and these are worth over $2,000 a piece. 

We were privileged to taste wine from the barrels in acave that   keeps the barrels a certain temperature all of the time. The person giving the tour was knowledgeable and fun.  We also met a a guy that drove us to the cave and helped with the tastings....yes, Peeps...another frakking "J"...His name is Jason and he was extremely helpful...although he had no idea the bitch he was dealing with.  He thought he was being so funny with his jokes and barbs...but he was a frakking amateur, and I showed him that.  I had FUN!  The lunch was awesome. A chicken sandwich with an aioli spread, parmesan cheese, and veggies.  They also had a popcorn snack that had orange zest on it.  I have to duplicate it, it was too delicious and a great low calorie snack.

Tonight will be some wine and cheese tasting and prolly bed.  I am totally whipped, since I haven't been sleeping. I have a lot of pent up energy and I just don't know where I'm headed.  Do you know what it's like to have a certain mindset about something...you've made up your mind and this is it!!! But of course the other person in the equation has a different view and manages to mess up your serenity and the course you've decided for yourself. What is a woman to do??? I'll know by the end of this weekend if "there's more than meets the eye to us???"  or if someone is completely full of shit. But either way, I'm ok.  Dizzy is back to being strong, being tough, chewing on nails, fucking up someone's shit, etc. 

Understand, telling you this stuff is giving you some insight into Dizzy's psyche. If I don't take this hard stance, I will fall apart...I will crumble. I will become a milksop that everyone can take advantage of.  I just can't afford to do this. At this point in my life, I feel like it's "eat or be eaten" time.  I can't afford to let my guard down because there's always gonna be someone out there that wants to take me down...Not because they have a vendetta against me, but just because they can!  Know what I mean? 

I kinda feel like I'll never have a safe harbor again and that, until I die, I'm gonna need to be on my guard, ever vigilant, ever faithful, ever watchful, ever cautious...because there's no one here do do it with me or for me. It is what it is. I'm ok with it...I'm just gonna have good days and bad days. Ok Peeps.  I'll update you again tomorrow.  It's time for wine and cheese...Yeah, I know...what some cheese to go with that whine?  Ha ha...smooches.

Don't Feel Like Blogging

Hey Peeps...don't feel like blogging tonight. I'm getting ready to head to Wine Country tomorrow and here's what I'm doing now....

Got a couple of beef ribs grilling on MY beloved Webber (despite others thinking its theirs!) and a whole fruit daiquiri with whipped cream vodka in the other!!! G'nite Peeps!

Up A Peg...And Down Two Pegs!

What a roller coaster day!!! Got a call from our California customer service rep.  While I'm not going to name any names yet till this is a done deal.... He's from the 3rd largest IT innovation corporation in the world (behind MicroSoft and IBM) that we have equipment and software with.  He says that he's in Maryland talking with his big bosses and they mention that they'd like someone from one of his California customers to speak at their convention in September.  He says he knows the perfect person and gives them...MY NAME!!!

He tells me that I would be speaking in front of 5,000 people (with additional people watching online) and that this convention easily has over 50,000 people attending. I was fucking GOBSMACKED!!!  He goes on and tells me that this would be excellent for my resume and that I really should consider it. I told him that given where I work, I'd have to run this up my management chain.  He says, "If you didn't have to do that, and it was just your decision, would you do it?"  I said that I was deeply humbled and honored that he thought of me, and that I would definitely do it. He asked that I let him know because I'm the first person he asked and that he'd have to ask around if I couldn't.  I let my immediate manager and another step above know, and they're all for it.  So, once I find out higher up, I'll know for sure.

WOW!!!  Still can't believe he asked me!!!  I have public speaking experience and the most I've spoken in front of is about 500.  I actually enjoy interacting with the public, so this is right up my alley, but it's going to be hard work.  I have to write a speech and it has to be vetted by a myriad managers before I get the ok...then it has to be vetted by the corporation.  This would be the week before my Cabo vacation, so what a segue into October!!!  Still feeling a little light headed about the whole thing...DAMN!!!

Ok, Let's move on to a different topic and take myself down a couple of pegs!  I work in a facility of over 6,000 employees.  I've worked there 20 years. Still, when friends outside of work ask me if I know So and So, usually its a big fat NO because of the amount of employees.  I've worked at various jobs and I used to train other employees about electronic filing, etc., I also have my damned picture up on the hallway wall.  So a lot of people know who I am (and run screaming, I'm sure...).  I know the names of my janitor and a couple of other janitors back (awesome people with huge hearts), I know my teams and other various co-workers, but there's just no way to know them all.  Where am I getting to with this?

Well, this morning I was passing someone I know by sight and a couple of meetings.  He says "Hello Diz" (Diz to you, my real name to me), and I just don't know his frakking name and feel so bad!  I respond back with "Hey, how are you?  I haven't seen you in awhile."  He says he's doing great and keeping busy, etc.  We go our separate ways, but I feel so stinking bad!  I should know his name and I don't.  I'm ashamed to say that this isn't the first time this has happened.  Every time it does, I still feel like crap!  Why don't I know their names?  Am I a stuck-up, conceited stupid bitch that couldn't care less about the people around me?  UGH!!!  I don't like that feeling.  It struck me that I should give more care to knowing names.

However, I'm one of those people with a limited amount of brain space, so I tend to discard the things I don't think I'm going to use and retain those bits that are going to help me out the next 18 months. With IT jobs, I do NOT know all the details and technical requirements of every equipment and software in our facility.  I have to learn it on the fly with each project I'm on. So I tend to clear out the stuff I don't need to recall and study up on whatever it is I'm working on at the moment.  I've gotten lots of compliments from Management saying that they're impressed that I know so much about a certain topic, and I just have to laugh because I learn it when I need it....and discard most of it and move on to the next project afterward. I'm an IT Project Manager for Christ sake....it is my job, my duty and I owe it to my team to be able to speak knowledgeably about whatever the project is.  My teams work so hard and make me look so good that not knowing those details is a slap in the face to each member, and I'm never going to willingly let my teams down!

Anyway, I wish I had one of those photographic memories so I can remember everyones name that has done me the courtesy and honor of knowing mine!

I've just finished my first whole fruit margarita, and am going to start on my second. I've marinated beef ribs in a citrus tequila marinade with mustard, a touch of habinero, shallots, garlic, pepper, and various spices.  They're in the fridge, and I'll let them sit for 24 hours and put most of it in the freezer and leave a couple out for Sunday dinner.

The evening is effing perfect! Its one of those evenings where it's about 78 degrees and so pleasant. One of those evenings where you wish the right guy was sitting across from you and you were just shooting the breeze, laughing and having fun.  So I'm going to wrap up this blog and head my ass out to the patio and sit under the ceiling fan, listen to Kenny Chesney, sip my second margarita and just be.

G'nite my fellow peeps!

Effing Busy Day...

Of course, I knew last night that it would be busy. I only got three hours sleep last night. So now with little sleep and lots to do, today is already wearing on me.

We started off with 3 1/2 hour meeting to define what our website is. UGH.   I did bake Chocolate chip cookies with pecans last night so the team was happy.  Believe it or not, it's the first batch of cookies I've baked in the new house. I can't believe it took me so long. It seems there's always something to do with the house, so there's never enough time to bake.  I got rave reviews from everyone that ate them. So I guess  I did a good job.

Afterwards I reviewed a paper with someone else and have corrections to make in the morning. I headed to my cousins house to drop off the teddy bear for her. She lost her dog last night. I feel so sorry for her because she loved that dog so much.

Now I'm at Jens. I need to get the claws filed down because they've gotten so long. I know men love long nails, but not so long that they think they're going to be shredded to death.  Jen always works her magic and my nails always look fabulous. I always  get compliments and the men always love them.

After Jens, I'm headed to the yard house. It's a last-minute birthday party for friend's son. Just found out about it yesterday so I had no time to plan or even pick up a birthday present. I thought about scrambling to find one, but I think this is the price you pay for last minute planning. It is his 21st birthday, so maybe if I just buy him a couple of drinks he'll be happy. Damn, I'm getting so old.

All the plans for Cabo in October are completed, and I've booked my shuttle today. It's nice to have all of these things done and planned.  I can't wait and and I already feel like I need a vacation. Oh Brother...I'm a frakking whiner this week.
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Ok, so I went to the yard house and ran into my friend's brother.  I haven't seen him in years.  He took one look at me and says "Oh My God", jumped up and wrapped me in the biggest hug! Then he wouldn't let go! I think he was having a good time feeling my body next to his.  Sorry "B"...I've already done the brother routine, and I'm not going there again...too much trouble!  But what a frakking blast.


He was also very appreciative of my dress.  I power dressed today, knowing the kind of meeting I'd be in.  I think it was totally appropriate...you tell me!

I love the tiger print on this dress, and although the length is mid-thigh, if you put it with 4 inch black pumps, a girl looks like she's got legs to heaven...and I did!  No man can argue with that! I know it's bad to use my sexuality to get what I want...whether it's in a meeting or in a bar, but sometimes, power is a mindset.  If you have to turn it on for work, so that you can control a meeting, it's a little difficult to turn it off, so the whole day turns into a power thing.  Do you know what I mean??? Or does it sound like I'm blowing smoke up your ass?

Anyway, all evening B kept joking about the two of us getting together and patting my ass.  I think his sister was a little disconcerted because she made the incest comment (and we definitely are NOT related). She said to her brother...you've known her too long...you can't do anything with her.  Ha ha...she's talking to the wrong person.  He was definitely willing...I'm the one with the self control!

Then my Girlie's ex husband showed up (it was his Son's 21st birthday after all) and even he started hugging me and making comments....even after knowing that I told my friend that I never liked him and that she should've never married him...TWICE!  They both end up sandwiching me between them and joking about WWF.  Bitches!  I smacked em both upside the head.  Dizzy don't play that game!

It's nice to have attention, and it's nice to know that I'm attractive to the opposite sex, but it just isn't gratifying. I think I'm still in my funk.  Ah well.  I'm sipping a Fireball Martini and I think I'll kill it and go to bed.  Got a date with the Waxer of the Apocalypse tomorrow night...gotta be ready!

G'nite peeps!

Badass's, Sex Toys and Cookies...Oh My!!!

Came across a cool website called “Badass of the Week” (www.badassoftheweek.com). I really enjoy this guy’s style of writing. He’s pretty ‘balls out’ and takes no prisoners when he writes.  I’m especially enjoying his write ups of members of our armed forces.  His take on SEALs is so ‘right in your face’ blatant and on target, I can’t help but appreciate his refreshing non-PC style.  In particular, read the one on Markus Luttrell (http://www.badassoftheweek.com/luttrell.html). You have to give kudos to bloggers that really don’t care whether or not you’re offended by their writing or their language…they’ll tell it like it is until the Government takes them down! 

I also like that he picks someone to focus his writing on and recognizes their efforts.  Now some of his badass’s are fictional, but it’s still a fun read.  I think I need to do something like that on this blog…or better yet, get off my tushie and update my website and include a page like that and recognize the badass’ in my life.

I see that I’m going to have to prioritize my projects.  I have to carpet my bedroom, incorporate more weights into my workout, learn Spanish, keep up on the half acre, work on my website…blah, blah, blah.  God help me if there was a regular man in my life.  Where would I find the time?  See?  And you wonder why I go for guys out of state….

Today I woke up in the same craptacular mood I was in last night.  However, a friend sent me a message and he called me “Little Miss Amazing”.  He always calls me things that make me feel like a million bucks. Note to self…find a man that uses inspiring and beautiful terms of endearment when referring to me.

I talked to a co-worker about the project and then we got into a discussion. She noticed that I “wasn’t my usual peppy self” and wanted to know what was up.  It is what it is, but by the time I left her, I was laughing again…well, I did tell her a certain story about my ability to carry jokes to a whole new level without cracking a smile and letting on that I’m lying my ass off.  We were snorting with laughter by the time it was all over.

 

We also discussed inappropriate stuff like the possibility of hooking up with a stranger in Mexico in October.  I told her that I was never doing that again, and she laughed and said “Never say never”.  So I clarified and said that while I’d party with a guy and have a good time, my definition of party does not include sex.  If I want that, I’d bring my toy and do the job myself.  She went over the edge on that one, and you know Dizzy didn’t drop it.  I said “Can you imagine?  The Mexican customs agents are looking over my luggage and hear a mechanical sound…fish out my toy and start waving it around asking who it belongs to.”  She says that everyone starts looking away, not wanting to acknowledge the official waiving around a dildo.  I told her that I’d have no problems telling that official to take his hands off my toy…it’s mine and I don’t share!  She couldn’t stop laughing.  Truth be told, I don’t have an issue with that.  Those kinds of things don’t really embarrass me.  If the Customs official wants to waive around my panties...have a good time Buddy!!!  Hey People…at least I’m practicing safe sex!!!

It's funny but being raised a Jehovah's Witness takes you to the whole other edge of the spectrum. You almost slingshot back the other way.  I'm sick to death thinking that being a little naughty is going to send me straight to hell, or worse, oblivion (as the Witnesses believe).  If you believe in God, why did he make sex so pleasurable (with the exception of Muslim women..unless they do it themselves..., because we all know their men don't give a flying fuck about pleasuring their women!!!)? And now, I'm finally at a point in my life where all bets are off! I'm going to have fun and experiment. I'm having fun walking around naked, wearing things I wouldn't normally wear, doing things I wouldn't normally do.  Maybe, if I do go to Hell, the Marines will let me hang with them...because they don't die, they just go to Hell and re-group! Anyway, I'm sure I'm giving too much information.

I came home and after exercising...baked frakking cookies.  Do I look like Suzy HomeMaker??? I don't think so.  But it'll help with the 31/2 hour meeting we have tomorrow. Lord, have mercy!