DO I LOOK LIKE A POLYGAMOUS SWINGER TO YOU???

Yesterday was rough. A lot rougher than I thought it would be. Since I was in a funky frame of mind, you just know that someone could tip the scales in the wrong direction and Dizzy would be off on a tangent.

The unlucky recipient was my friend “JH” (yeah, I know…another frakking “J”).  He had the nerve to post the following on Facebook:

“I’m not a proponent of the “nanny state” but there probably should be a law against someone wire-walking over the Grand Canyon without a safety harness or parachute. “

Oh No You Didn’t!!!!  Dizzy just dove head first off the deep end and replied:

Oh Good Fucking Lord!!!! Really J? So now you want the government to curtail your method of being in touch with life…just because it might kill you? So disappointed!  And the hits just keep on coming!

Needless to say, there was some serious messaging going on because he didn’t appreciate my response. Boo Hoo!  Come to find out, he’s dealing with some kid stress, so that may be part of it.  However, there’s no excuse for wanting government to wipe the proverbial butts of Americans! Wipe your own damned butts people!

The messaging got more interesting from there.  I had referred to his children as progeny.  Here’s how the rest of the conversation went......

 

Him:  Speaking of progeny, you should reproduce….

Me:   I’m too old. I haven’t found the right guy and I’m afraid of this politically correct world I’d bring them into.

Him:  You can have my sperm.

Me:   Thanks. But if I conceive a child, I want passion and hot sex behind it!

Him:  I didn’t rule that out. How do you think I got my kids? E exists because I didn’t want to finish via oral in the shower!

Me:   Yeah, but I don’t do married men.

Him:  Such limitations….and it isn’t even illegal…

Me:   If I was married to you and any woman wanted to dare come between us and have your babies….I’d make her suffer.  So I got your girlie’s back.

Him:  Sigh

Me:   Marriage means something to me…it always has.

Him: And if one has permission/consent?

Me:   Maybe she’s giving you permission to find out if you’re really hers. i.e. let something go and if they come back they’re meant to be with you.

Him:  That was already established ages ago.

Me:   I think she’s just trying to find out if you’re all in. Be hers….100%

Him:  Ahem, polygamous swinger.

Me:   If she’s had kids….she’s not! Trust me!

Him: Uh huh

Me:  Trust me…..

 

Where do I start?  Why are married guys attracted to me? Why do they want me to have their babies? He’s the third frakking guy to make that offer.  REALLY??? Why are they soliciting such complication in their lives?  Like I really need to deal with that right now!  Don’t they know who I am? What I’m about?

I am one lowest maintenance chicks a guy could have! I don’t need drama, I don’t need to know where you’re at every second of the day, I know you need ‘guy time’ and as long as you’re prepared to understand I need my girlie time, we’re cool. I wear makeup due to the job, but am perfectly happy makeup-less. I prefer dressing down to dressing up (unless I’ve got plans for my man). I don’t mind getting dirty and I don’t mind hard work. I will try to fix something or do something before I will ask you for help. I’m pretty independent.  I don’t mind silence while in a room together and I’ll never ask you if I look fat in an outfit. I’m a pretty cool customer under pressure. This means that I will run from drama, and I will not get into a situation where I’m going to have a married man’s baby…so stop frakking asking me!

And one more thing…If I was even remotely interested in swinging, I’d have done it in Cabo, when I had the chance!  Not here, not with someone I work with, and not married!  Why do I attract all the complicated nut jobs and stalkers?  I think I’m going to have to do some serious introspection here. I already bit off enough drama hooking up with a complete stranger.  I need to check my radar, I need to check my sanity, I need tequila…STAT!

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Whew……  Dizzy has a lot going on right now. And when it’s just you, and no man, kitty or children waiting at home for you, the tendency is to focus entirely too much on yourself and not the world around you. I need to take a side step to the right and just breathe. Unfortunately, I’m dreading the month of July. There’s so much going on, so many birthdays and visiting my Nephew on the hill. Not to mention this project and the “Dancing Monkey” that Dizzy will have to be for the big meetings coming up. I need a man with strong hands to relieve the tension from my neck and shoulders.  Any Volunteers??? And for the love of God!!!!  If you’re married, work with me, or want me to have your child…I will line you up in the sights of my Sig!