3 Years Ago Today

At this very moment, I was standing witness, watching as my Mother-In-Law gasped out her final breaths.  I held her hand so she wouldn't start this journey alone. I cried because I knew I was somewhere that perhaps I shouldn't have been, but blessed that I was there at such a personal moment for her.

I knew I was watching the exit of an extraordinary life. A woman who braved the odds and traveled alone to be a school teacher where she didn't know anyone. In the late 40's, women didn't travel too far from home and live alone. They married early and became housewives.  She dared to imagine a different life for herself, but ultimately, she ended up being that housewife, mother and always a teacher.

It's 11:59 and it's right about now where the final breaths came. It was a struggle, and I found myself laboring to breathe because that's what it felt like for her. I was willing her to take a deep breath, but it didn't happen that way.

12:00 a.m., and she let out this whoosh of air and was silent. I shook her, but I knew it was over. I felt bad because her only son should've been there at this moment. I also felt so alone. In her final years we became closer than ever.  I respected her much more than I did my own mother. I understood her better and knew why she made some of the choices that she did. When she left, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that the life I had, the life with her, the life with her son, was over.

It's 12:05 and it's right about now where I know I need to bring someone in to call it. I also need to phone the ex and let him know. It just happened so fast that I couldn't call him and he'd never make it back in time.

I think things happen for a reason.  We don't necessarily know the why's when it happens, but if we're lucky, we eventually find out.  Mom's home is now my home. I made it into the place she would've wanted and I know that I wanted. It is bittersweet.

In the end, I was blessed by knowing her and I'm blessed every day I wake up in my home. Yes, we had our differences and arguments, but we respected each other and we loved each other.

Beth Cromwell Trafton - July 25th, 1921 - June 23rd, 2010