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I had a discussion today with my work husband “M”, and
another guy friend “J”. I was
telling them how I find it interesting that when trying to dialog with a man,
they automatically assume that I’m like the majority of the women out there in
the world. They assume that there
are things that they can’t tell me because I’ll over-react and cry and do the
girlie things that women do to make men feel guilty.
My guy buddies know that I’m half man, half woman (the
important parts are all woman), and that I’m candid, and pretty much tell you
my opinion whether you want it or not. They also know that they don’t have to
pull any punches with me because I don’t react the same way the majority of the
women out there do. I’m pretty
realistic in my expectations and I don’t ask for the moon..I’ll never get it,
or I can go get it myself.
When I was on my trip to visit relatives and friends, I also
went to visit a guy. The trip didn’t begin the way I/we had planned it. I
didn’t receive a call, text or email that weekend, and when we finally did
talk, my bullshit needle pointed to red. I didn’t have a problem per se with
not getting together, because I’m not a woman that sits around and waits…I made
great use of my time, i.e. did a wine walk, met new friends, made a date and picked up a stalker
that weekend. I just instinctively knew there was something going on that he’s
not talking about. Why not just
say that? Why all of the excuses? I’m not your girlfriend so I don’t
expect a lengthy detailed explanation (well, truth be told, even if I was your
girlfriend, I wouldn’t expect it). If you can’t tell me the actual reason, just
say so. If your explanation has something to do with the girlfriend…just say
so!
The funny thing is…when we first got together…we talked
about EVERYTHING! Including the girlfriend, the ex-boyfriend, our ex-spouses,
blah blah blah. There was no judgment or blame. What happened, happened. There
was something more, something that I think we both felt (or maybe I’m the only
one who felt it and just imagined that he did, either way, it would be nice to
know the answer). I think we both
still feel that, but now, it’s almost as if he’s afraid of what I’m going to
think or say. And at this point, I don’t think that’s a concern. The only thing I’m really trying to
determine here is if he's a “Player” and should be relegated to BoyToy
status, or if there’s a potential for something else…whatever that may be. It’s a matter of how much
time/effort/heart I should dedicate to this relationship (When I say
relationship, I mean the connection between the two of us, whether it’s
Buddies, Friendship, booty call…whatever).
For me, there’s nothing wrong with having a relationship
with a player. It means no strings
attached, continue on with your life, etc. And realistically, how much of a romantic
relationship could we have living 800 miles from each other? We would magically have to defy all
odds and fairytale aka Nicholas Sparks status would have to
kick in here…not to say that it couldn’t happen, but the odds are slim. I get that having this viewpoint and
engaging in this activity would make me a player too, but if both parties are
willing, why the hell not? If one of us wants to change the nature of the
relationship in the future (i.e. walk or commit), we would just say so.
And truth be told…whether I like it or not, there has to be
a reason behind Dizzy falling for long distance relationships. I think Dizzy
has a fear of getting hurt (divorce does that to you), a fear of being
emotionally involved, a fear of exposing too much of herself and having a
relationship with someone so far away limits the amount of exposure.
Bottom line…just tell it like it is, or say that you can’t
say something. Don’t BS a bitch with brown eyes. I don’t want any relationship I’m involved in with a man to
have lies in it…any lies, even if we’re just playing around. If you can do that
for me, I promise I’ll do that for you. But be careful. Don’t ask the question unless you want
to hear the truth. If I don’t want
to tell you the truth, I’ll avoid the question and you’ll know I don’t want to
answer it.
Example Question: Are you in love with me?
Example Avoid Answers: I love what your body does to mine.
Are you in love with me?
Depends on what you mean by love…
That’s a loaded question
That’s not a question I’m
prepared to answer at this time.
See?? At no time did I lie.
I just avoided the question, or told you I wasn’t going to answer. Is that so hard?
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