Love Continued....

This really wasn't going to be my topic again, but I got a late evening visit (4:30ish and she just left) and it just seemed to fit.

"S" readily admits to marrying too soon.  She met someone online and that was it. Now, 7? years into the relationship and she's realizing that maybe this is not the one. Their sex life is non-existent, she sleeps in the living room, he lives for coaching soccer, and there just has to be more to her life.  Everyone has told her that she won't get better physically until she leaves this toxic relationship, but at this point, she just isn't strong enough.

I worry about her, and I worry about her health.  But at the same time, I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning through her. It starts my head churning with the questions of whether or not I can make decent choices or will I make mistakes. Am I ok with crashing and burning if things don't work out?  Will I pull up my big girl panties and carry on, looking toward the future and hoping that there is someone out there for me that will be the person I need...not perfect, just a good fit for someone like me that has faults and issues?

Perhaps the biggest obstacle to my happiness is....ME! I need to learn to let go and just breathe. I need to accept that I will get hurt, but that I should just enjoy the ride for whatever it may bring, both happiness and sadness.  I'm afraid of happy. It seems like most of the time, in my life, happiness is always followed by disappointment, sadness and hurt. I worry that happiness won't be the continuous ride I'd like it to be.  But therein lies the problem Boys and Girls.  Instead of just accepting happiness in the moment, the analytical part of me is looking ahead to the future expecting disappointment. BAD DIZ!!!

If I've learned one thing in this life of mine, I've learned it's too short. I have to take each moment and just enjoy it for what it is. I have to let go of the future and live in the here and now (with the exception of retirement planning...just sayin). I need to hope that the person I end up with will help me do that, rock me back on my heels and just tell me to  fucking chill! It may not be forever, but it is now, and now can be extraordinary.

I'm thankful for the visit this evening...even though getting up to rock Vin Diesel's world is gonna hurt! Because she reminded me that I just need to throw caution to the wind and just live. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy the people in it because it won't last forever, but I have the here and the now. Suck it up Dizzy...it may hurt in the future, but it feels fucking awesome right now!

G'nite Peeps.