Thursday, July 18, 2013

Taking calls...in the Bathroom Stalls!

Ok Peeps...I probably blogged about this pet peeve before, but just in case I didn't...(beware...swearing ahead) WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH IDIOTS HOLDING PHONE CONVERSATIONS IN THE BATHROOM STALLS AT WORK???

Now I don't know if Men have the same problems, but I doubt it...men don't operate that way..thank Jesus! I go into the restroom to do my business and there's someone holding a full-fledged conversation on their cell phone in the bathroom stall (this isn't the first time it's happened to me at work). REALLY MFer? I really am so fucking interested in what you have to say while I'm tinkling in the stall next you you!  Please, enlighten me in your fascinating fucking life, because it just MUST be so much more interesting than mine!

Today was worse...it was in a different language! UGH!  There is no policy on cell phone usage in the bathroom stalls at work. But let's break this mother fucker down...Dizzy Style!

Cleanliness - Ok Bitch...I see that this conversation about your mortgage with your Mom is life and death, but I assume you probably switch hands in your conversation...and I assume that you wipe your poonani with one of those hands...thereby putting poonani juice all over your damned phone!  If we're fucking lucky, you wash your hands afterward...but we all know you don't wash your phone.  So you're the idiot walking around, talking with your phone to your face, putting your own poonani juice all over your own damned face!!  God help the poor bastard you go home to that kisses that old dried poonani juice covered face of yours.  This is one of those times I thank God, I'm not a lesbian!

Self-centeredness - Ok, so you think the world revolves around you and we're all waiting breathlessly to hear what you've got to say to your kid.  We're trying to concentrate here and you've got the fucking nerve to tinkle-block my vag when I really have to go! It's not like I like to hang out in the bathroom and avoid work...like you obviously do.  I've got a finite amount of time to do my business and get out. It's bad enough I have to tinkle at work, because I worry about the cleanliness of the work stalls, but then I have to listen to you telling little Timmy to be nice to his sister and stop fighting because you're hard at work...talking on the phone...in the bathroom stall!  Bitch!!!  It's moments like these when I want to kick in the door of your stall and bitchslap the stupid from your head!

Peeps, it's moments like these, when I do my very best to make excessive man noises in the bathroom and school these bitches! I will flush effusively so they have to explain the damned flushing noises. What the hell is so damned important that you have to take the call in the bathroom?  What the hell did you do before cell phones?

I'll be honest with you.  There are two people...maybe three that I will ever take to the bathroom with me. And for God Sake...not the work bathroom...my home bathroom. It's just not important enough for me. I just don't understand.

_________________

Breathe Dizzy....BREATHE!  Mom came to dinner and I made her Chile Rellenos.  She didn't inform me that the Beanster would be coming with her, so  I made everything pretty spicy.  I was pissed.  Really Mom???  Since Beanster was with this morning, you couldn't pick up the phone and give your daughter a heads-up so she could make sure the Beanster had a meal that she would enjoy and not be too spicy?

Peeps, My mother (and my sister) is one of those people that feels the world does revolve around them. She'll show up 3 hours late for dinner. She expects things because "she's the Mom", and she dances to her own tune.  I'm pretty much ok with it, but the prompt analyst in me is driven nuts with her antics. Due to the chaos she's inflicted in my life, I'm more comfortable with order, precision and logic.  My Mother? She is one of those females that will never be a woman, always be a "girl". Know what I mean?

Ah well, after dancing for executive management today, I'm pooped.  I'm cuddling up with Winnie  the Pooh and hitting the hay.  Uh Oh. George Strait's song "Give it all we got tonight" just came on, so I got to finish that. Have you heard it?  "Baby fall into my kiss...it should just happen like this." It is so frakking HOT!  I swear this song just sends me over the edge.

G'nite.


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