Marines!

What the frak is up with me and Marines? I was never one to even consider being with a military guy...I didn't know the Cowboy was a Marine when I locked eyes on him (We'll refer to the Work Marine as "WM" and the Cowboy Marine as "CM" since they are both frakking "J's"). It's all well and good to have someone who admires you at work, but it complicates things. He did say, that he may be moved to another project at another site, which means that I could, according to my rules, date him.

This is the tough part. While I'm not going to be one to actively pursue someone right now, I can't close the door to opportunities. I'm just now discovering that I'm significant in CM's life, that he thinks of me all of the time. Before, he wasn't sharing that with me. I didn't know where I stood or what I might mean to him. Now, he's opened a door and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I believe that this feeling that we have for each other is real. But the hurt side, the scared side of me says to leave my options open. That maybe I'm imagining these feelings between us.

I told WM about CM, how we met, the eyes locking, the feeling, etc. WM asked me if CM has asked me to "Come live with him yet". I laughed and said no. He then asked if I'd asked CM "to come here", and I said no.  He then asked "Miss beautiful lady...if it is magic, why do you not grab on with both arms?" My reply was "I want magic. I just don't want to live through losing it."  WM said that CM is very lucky and I'm a catch and I deserve to be happy.  My reply was "Make no mistake, I am not his yet. After always being second to alcohol with the ex-husband, I'm not willing to be second to anything...except someone's child. I need to know, I need to feel that I am a significant part of someone's life.  If I don't have that, what's the point?" WM said that "you drop my jaw, and I'm sure he feels the same." Again...this guy is smooth!

I think WM understands, and he has a few loose ends of his own that he needs to attend to. But he still wants to be friends, and he wants the opportunity for a future, whatever that may be. WOW!!! This is a lot to take in on a frakking Dance Monkey Dance day! I know where my heart is, and I know what I hope for, but I'm cynical enough to believe that lightning doesn't strike twice. Sweet Jesus...what are the odds?  I need divine intervention here.  I need a sign.

"I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens
and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours"

Train