Confidence

I inadvertently shook a BFF's confidence today.  I didn't mean to, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.  It hurts a lot.

The funny thing is..I get my confidence from this BFF.  She's fun, brazen, outrageous, beautiful, smart...and she gives me strength.  She is a fighter.  Life has thrown her some curve balls, and not only does she hit them...but she aims for the balls of the pitcher of life!  Yes, she would tell you she's a ball buster. She's blunt, but honest. We are a lot alike.

The really funny (but not so funny) thing is...she's as analytical as I am....especially when it comes to love and matters of the heart.  And the real bitch of it is...you can't analyze love or the heart.  Logic escapes out the window, and as much as I try to use logic, it bites me in the ass every time.

Logically, I feel it should be a slam-dunk when it comes to the Cowboy. All my guy friends think I'm cool, that I'm the ultimate girl...no, not the beautiful model type. The drive, think and do things like a guy, but smell good and look ok doing it kind of girl.  So why does it not work? Why did I have to say goodbye? Why doesn't he see what these guys see? Who the fuck knows. But logic has nothing to do with it, or we'd be together.

She tries to use logic too, and there is no logic.  I sometimes wish there was, but I know that if I'm in a logical relationship...there's no magic, no sizzle and no risk.

When all is said and done though, the most important thing to me right now...is the relationships I have with my Girlies. Not the relationships with the men.  If a man lives with me, that'll raise his stakes higher, and if I marry him, then he has to be a priority.  But the reality is, it is our Girl friends and our Guy friends that get us through the craptacular days. They are the ones that listen to us, console us, feel us and help us keep our heads on straight.  Golden relationships are a priority, not the muscle chasing.

She is the priority and I do not ever want her thinking that she's not the badass bitch she knows she is!  I want her to be the confident woman that inspires me to be better, do better and love better.  My message to her is:

"I see you.  My heart sees you. My soul sees you.  And though you may have a momentary lapse of self confidence, you are that woman that other women want to emulate. You are that woman that inspires, moves and gives the best part of yourself. You are the woman that everyone wants to be around, laugh around.  You make us feel better about ourselves. I love you!"