Heartbreak Ridge

I love this Clint Eastwood movie.  Because I've never served, I can't say how truthful the movie is, but I love the essence of it because Gunny is always fighting to make sure his Recon unit is worthy, even when they themselves were not sure if they were worthy.   Gunny never questions whether or not his group is worthy, he never questions whether or not they're Marines.  He knows they are and he's hell bent on making sure they recognize and know it for themselves.

It's always the difficult things that drive home whether or not you are worthy, whether or not you can do it.  You either improvise, adapt and overcome, or you get swallowed whole. I'm having one of those moments after being sick and weaker than a kitten for a week.  Today is the first day where I'm actually feeling ok...no, not strong, just ok.  I'm still hacking up solid food, but I've kept more down than up, and I'm sipping on a little white wine and contemplating my next steps.

I went to work for a half day yesterday.  I came back exhausted and promptly fell asleep on the sofa.  It took a lot out of me.  I realize I'm not ready for Tough Mudder, and am wondering or not I can do it in August. Just coming off of being really sick is not a good time to question whether or not I'm ready for the Mudder, but the mind is churning, and I can't stop the thoughts from coming.

I got an email at work stating that I need to put a plan into place to reduce the amount of vacation that I have.  What will the next trip be?  I have a weekend booked for Portland, then I'll be headed to Tennessee for a wedding in September.  I have a week booked at the end of September in San Francisco for Oracle World, and I have a week booked at Christmas for Seaside.  Not sure I'm keeping either of them. I really want to be in Mexico.

The funny thing is....I'm in the exact position I was last year at this time.  I had just gotten back from Seaside, I made some decisions, I started moving forward...and July 11th, 2:32 am happened.   What will happen now? What decisions will I make and what will life toss my way?

In the meantime, I sliced some pear, popped some corn (with truffle salt), sliced some extra sharp white Tillimook and poured some viognier and am sitting out on my patio with my "margarita glass" lights on and enjoying the evening. I'm not a rich girl, I'm a simple girl. I don't have a lot of money, but I have a home. I have a job, I have a life.  I don't have to hang out in a bar to feel important or loved, I can just be.