Heart Conflicted

My heart is on a roller coaster ride. At times I think I'm just fine and I really feel like I am.  Other times...something, someone, some song makes my heart hurt all over again.

The funny thing is, I was just thinking that this breakup with the Cowboy is the best thing that's could've happened.  I'm getting more attention than I ever thought possible (I must be giving off some kind of wounded heart vibe and they want to save me or something), and from guys I would not expect.  Just today, I was picking up some canola oil, tequila and chips at the store and these two guys in their 20's walked in front of the truck as I was getting out.  One of them was giving me the "eye" and I started laughing.  They kept walking, but he kept looking back and smiling at me.  WTF!!!

So I start thinking that everything is ok and I'm on top of my game...then something happens and my heart hurts all over again.  The thing is I have my heart hurting over the ex BF and the ex Husband....for entirely different reasons.

The cool thing is that I'm totally distracted by two extremely different men...night and day....yin and yang. They are both into me...which is cool and right now, it's exactly what I need. What's the saying??  "If you want to get over a man, put a new one under you"?  No, I haven't gone that far yet, but that doesn't mean I haven't considered it. I'm biding my time.  I'll know when the moment is right.

I'm gonna have to change my perception of sex.  For me, I have to feel something for my partner, or it just doesn't do it for me. But maybe I need to take a more cavalier attitude...maybe I need to let my "man" side take over and just enjoy the act for what it is...not put any part of my heart into it until I'm ready.  I don't know...but I've got nothing but time to figure it out.