Weightless....

Sometimes it’s just difficult to put things into perspective. Opinions come flying at you from everywhere, and some you listen to because you respect the people giving them to you…and others, you let go, because of the whole “Opinions are like A-holes” concept.  The bottom line is that you weigh the information given to you and decide how you want to proceed.

Sometimes it isn’t a matter of weighing the information.  Sometimes, it’s just a gut instinct….a feeling that you need to follow, even though you know that things can end up badly and that you’ll be hurt. I know why I make those kinds of decisions. I’m afraid that if I don’t take the risk, that I’m not truly living and that I’ll look back with regret because I let an opportunity pass me by.

There are very few things that I regret in my life, which I think is quite the accomplishment given the lifespan I’ve had so far.  One of the things I regret is waiting so long to get out of a bad relationship and letting a few of those years slip through my fingers.  What was I thinking? I was so afraid of being alone, so afraid of starting over, that I didn’t realize that I had stopped living and was dormant.  There were times when I’d roll over in bed in a panic because I thought my husband was gone and then realize he was still there and breathe a sigh of relief.  What I didn’t realize was that the rolling over part was symbolic.  I knew that the marriage was going downhill and that I would be forced to face the inevitable outcome of it all.  I was just so freaking scared.

I tried to hide that fear (along with the stress of my family) with food, but anyone looking at me and at my weight knew there were issues.  It was only after tackling my immediate health concerns (weight, sleep apnea, high blood pressure) that I knew I’d be forced to tackle the marriage thing.  The other obvious reason to stay in the marriage was for my son.  I know, from the bottom of my heart, that I did right by him.  I did the necessary thing, so I don’t regret that part of it for a second. But I should’ve left when the boy entered Boot Camp…and I didn’t.

Now, at this point in my life, I’m leaping into the unknown. I’m doing things I’ve never done before, and taking chances that others are telling me I shouldn’t take, but my heart and my gut just say to do it.  My head says that if I don’t, I’ll regret it and I just don’t want to look back at the end of my life and do the whole “I wish I would’ve…” thing.  Even if it ends up hurting like hell, I wanna be able to say, “Yeah, it didn’t turn out like I wanted it, but OMG, the ride was so worth it, so much fun!”  Hell, I’ve fallen literally and picked myself up and said that it was still worth it, even though I skinned my knees or bled a little.   I don’t mind falling and I don’t mind getting a little bloody.  I don’t mind looking foolish (won’t say stupid) or a little crazy if I know the benefits are worth it.

That is what I’m wishing for you my friends. Take the risk, look a little foolish, have fun, be crazy.  Life is so short and we don’t realize it until we’re old(er) or we’ve suffered some serious losses. Keep one ear open for the sound advice of your friends, but when the chips are down, you make the ultimate decisions….not your BFFs.