So today when I went down for coffee, I met up with the work Marine (he
works for a vendor onsite). He’s applied for the State and wanted to discuss
how the application and resume process went, etc. While we were discussing this, he proceeds to tell me “I really had to think hard about taking this
job with your rule about not dating those you work with”.
I started laughing and told him “You
know I’m in no position to date you no matter where you work. You know I have a
man. What part of that is
difficult for you to understand?”
He replies “I know, but things
could change. I just wanted you to know”. I am so confused on so many levels.
First of all… What the hell
is going on with the guy friends in my life? Why do you suddenly want something
from me that we’d agreed was off the table? I didn’t suddenly get more attractive. I didn’t find some magical “everybody love me” juice. I’m the same bitchy, opinionated,
conservative skank I was last week, last month, last year…. What the frakk is
going on???
Second… Am I really that
simple…that naive to think that I can’t have guy friends without the
complications of the whole attraction thing? Before I was married, I had a lot
of guy friends. Now, it seems like
half of my guy friends want something that I will never give them. The other
half are totally cool (and you know who
you are), but most of you are married, so I guess it’s easier because you
have morals and a code. There are a couple who are not married, but treat me
like a buddy and do not overstep that boundary, and I’m thankful for that.
Third… Where the hell were
you when I was fat? There’s a good possibility you could’ve made some strides
there, because the ex sure the hell wasn’t. Oh…I wasn’t attractive enough for you then?
Fourth… It’s a damn picture people! It’s a
frakking trick of light. It’s one of those “right place at the right time”
lucky shots, and some of you men are obsessing over it. Like Mr. Jr. High Heartbreak! Suddenly you “can’t stop staring at
your picture - you’re so pretty”
and you want to “rent a limousine and drive around and drink champagne and
frolic?”…where were you in Jr. High? Oh, you didn’t have the imagination to see
what my potential was back then? And someone else fixated on the damn picture
and is telling me how beautiful I am, etc. It’s a miracle the picture turned
out the way it did at 49 effing years of age!!! I am more than a sometimes pretty face! I have a brain, a
personality, an opinion. I am strong, and I’m a fighter. I work hard and love
hard. These are far more important to me than sometimes being pretty and I’d
like them to be important to you.
Fifth… Just read the texts
today between my friend “S” and “R”…the two people who were at my crib on
Saturday night for the smoked ribs. OMFG… S called R out on his behavior and he
had the nerve to reply that he’s waiting till my guy screws up to make his
move”. The DOUCHE had the audacity
to tell this to S, after she tells him that this was a matchmaking session and
it isn’t polite for him to go for the matchmaker and treat the matchmakee like
crap. Dude…REALLY? She’s sitting
here telling you she likes you, and you’re openly telling her that you want her
friend!!! A friend with a
boyfriend! Note to self: No more
matchmaking…even if your friend really wants you to do it because you know the
person she likes…which I obviously didn’t know him well enough, cuz I don’t set
my friends up with Douches!!
Ok…I’m breathing now.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s really nice to feel attractive, when I wasn’t
for so many years. One of the
parts of divorce that scared me was that no man would ever want to be with me,
be attracted to the right parts of me, etc. After all, if your husband of 17 years (together 24) will
choose alcohol over you, well…maybe you don’t quite measure up. I now
understand that maybe it wasn’t me after all. But for God’s sake, I make a
really good friend if you’d stop with the cray cray crap!
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