Self Worth

As a child we have an over-inflated sense of self worth.  The world revolves around us and we can’t see beyond the things we want or the things that affect us.  As we get older, most of us balance self worth out so we don’t become egotistical or conceited. It also seems to be the one value we possess that others want to demean or take away in a struggle for power.

As a kid, the Anti-Christ would always attack my self-worth by calling me names and encouraging others to do the same.  Not to mention that his constant screaming and abuse would make me feel like maybe I didn’t deserve any better.  It did not get any better until I recognized what he was doing and defended it. We all have those moments in our lives where there comes a time to do something or lose what we possess forever.

What brings up this subject for me? The girl my boy is seeing is having a hard time recognizing her self-worth and is letting her Dad yell and scream at her and call her “whore” for moving in with my boy.  She’s 20 years old. So she asked my advice about it last night and I pulled from personal experience to answer her.  I basically told her that no one is allowed to take her self-worth and that it can only be taken if she allows it to be.  She has to be the one to decide to take it back.

She also needs to move out of her role as a child and show her parents that she is a young adult, holding down a job, paying rent and taking care of business. If she responds back to them respectfully, quietly, but with boundaries, they’ll eventually come around. She cannot cave.  It’s really hard to try and impart that kind of advice when a person doesn’t know you.  I don’t want her to just hear me…I want her to feel me. That’s the only way she’s going to ‘get it’.

I lost sight of my self-worth during my marriage.  I took a back seat to a lot of things I should not have. I think the boy coming to live with us helped bring it back, because he was suffering from lack of self-worth too. In my efforts to bring it back to him, I brought it back to me. Don’t get me wrong…I made some major mistakes with him. I did some yelling that I shouldn’t have. But ultimately, I think he turned out great.  Seeing him make things happen helped me forward.

I do know what I’m worth now. I’m an average looking chick…some days I look better than others…. But I’m sharp, I’m intelligent, I work hard, I play hard, I have some mad skillz in some areas and could learn more in others. I can be funny and quick to smile. I can be the most loyal friend and will fight to the death for you.  I have no problems getting into people’s faces and calling them on their bullshit, but I expect the same thing back. I’m not perfect, but I hope my imperfections are ones that are bearable.  I can give you space to figure out your shit and embrace solitude.  I can dance down store aisles and sidewalks with confidence and I can walk beside you with confidence as you do the same.  No one is allowed to take my self-worth, because I will not allow it.  It might seem like I’m letting you at first, but push me just enough and I come back swinging.  This is what I’d like for my Boy’s girl.  Hope she finds it.

STUFF

Would you believe that my taxes rejected??? Sup with that?  I had to make adjustments and use my old address.  Ah well.  Thank God there’s a grace period.  I know ALL about efile…don’t I Peeps? I may have to look at different software next year, but for now…I think we’ll be ok.

I’ve been blending my own green smoothies for breakfast.  It really helps to have everything already cut and ready to go.  I basically do a mixed fruit (strawberries, cantaloupe, pineapple, honeydew, grapes), kale, a thinly sliced veggie mix that includes Brussels sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, dried cranberries and pumpkin seeds.  I add a scoop of Acai powder and a little tangerine juice.  Yum! My skin is looking fabulous. It’s better to have a little something in my stomach in the mornings.  I’d been slacking off and just going for coffee.  Not good.

During the week, my main meal is lunch and dinner is a light soup. So for lunch I have a monster salad (not one of those nimby pimby girlie salads) and I finally weaned myself off of dressing and just use a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar. My salad always consists of tons of garbanzo beans, beets, sunflower seeds, carrots, red onion, boiled egg,  mushrooms, the veggie mix (described above) and sometimes a little blue cheese and bacon sprinkles (those are the bad items).

Dinner, I make my own egg drop soup. I used to do the broth by hand…and every once in a while, I still do.  But I discovered “Better than Bouillon” chicken base. So I take chopped up garlic and green onion, a little spinach or kale and sauté with a little olive oil and a splash of sesame oil and some pepper.  Once I’ve reduced that down, I put in the BTB and the appropriate amount of water, heat till just boiling, then add a mixed egg in swirls.  Yum! Has my veggies and protein but light on the stomach and easy for me to sleep.  The great thing about this base is that you can mix it up a bit.  I can put in won tons,  or leave out the sesame oil and go for more of a traditional chicken soup with chunks of chicken in it.  It’s up to your imagination…and I can imagine a lot!!!  Then it’s bedtime till 3ish and Vin Diesel calls.

Vin is sounding a little raspy.  I noticed it this morning on the right side of the StairMaster pedal.  Dizzy is not a happy camper.  She’ll be checking it out and lubing up Vin to see what happens tomorrow.  I’m really hoping it’s not the magnetic wheel resistance.  If it is, could be a bit pricey to fix.  If that doesn’t work, I may call someone in to check the machine.  I purposely bought a commercial StairMaster so I wouldn’t be plagued with issues, and so far, Vin has held up for the past 8 years. I can’t complain. I don’t want to take it apart because of the kind of machine that it is, and it does have its own battery backup.  That baby took me a while to pay off, but it’s been so worth it…as the body will attest to.  Thanks Vin.  Until tomorrow’s ass-kicking!