Internet Dating...Ewwww...

I was on FaceBook and it came up with an ad about men wanting to take care of a woman, i.e. "No games, just guys looking for a faithful woman to take care of".  Really???  Ok, I gotta break this statement down..Dizzy style!

First…. “No Games”…I don’t know a man alive that doesn’t play some sort of game. To be honest, I’d have to say women do too. Courtship is a game, a dance of wills, personalities and an opportunity to test someones moral fortitude. I was with someone a little while back and wouldn’t do the naughty tango the first night together. He probably saw it as a “game”. For me, it was an opportunity to see if he would respect my wishes, because I wanted to “play” more than one night, and I have standards (ok, no laughing from the peanut gallery). I needed to know for sure that he wasn’t a complete ‘tool’!

Second…”Looking for a faithful woman”…Really? You’re going to be able to tell if the woman you’re seeing from the Internet is faithful because she says so? Only time and one-on-one contact is going to tell you whether or not a woman is faithful, so why bother putting this requirement in the ad?

Third…”To take care of”….here’s where my cynicism kicks in. Are there really men that “take care” of women? This Ladies, is the hook this ad uses to reel you in. In fairytale land, every woman wants to be taken care of, pampered, treasured, and worshiped like the Goddess that she is. Reality tells me that so do men! They love the little things like backrubs, foot rubs, a well cooked meal. So in a perfect world, it would be a joint effort, i.e. you would take care of each other. There’s no man alive that will totally take care of a woman…at least I haven’t experienced it. This hook is used because women (especially Mom’s) work hard to take care of their families (yes, I know men do too) and have experienced the feeling of being overwhelmed. This line tugs at that experience and makes you want to drop everything and join this Internet dating service. I’ve been taking care of people since I was three. I’m now single and my kid lives in Tulsa. I’m still taking care of people. You don’t think I long for someone to take care of me? The possibility of that happening??? Slim and none! If I’m honest though, I’d get tired of that pretty fast. I have to be an active participant in a relationship, not a bonbon eating, soap opera lounging Buffy who doesn’t use her brain for anything but turning the channel. BORING!

I’m also a firm believer that everyone should know how to take care of themselves, be able to support themselves and always have a backup plan for when things don’t work out.

Last….I can be anyone I want to be on the Net. I’ve said this before, and I taught my boy this. When I first let him get a “My Space” page (around age 15), to monitor what he was posting, I used a picture of a young friend at work and sent a friend request. He never knew that I monitored his page that way until around age 17, when I told him. To him, I was a 20 year old, hot chick that partied at Sac State.

Unless you’ve met me, you really have no idea if what I portray myself as on this blog is the real thing or not. Unless you’ve met me, you don’t know if the picture I’ve posed on my profile is really me. I really love the commercial with the girl dating the “French Male Model” that she met on the Net because everything on the Net is “True..cuz you can’t lie on the Net”.

Like Oh My God, I’m this totally tall, lithe blonde with highlights in my hair that come from lounging on a beach every chance I get. My skin has been kissed by the sun and my stats are 36D, 24, 34 (ok, one of those stats is incorrect…shhh, I’m daydreaming…I mean being totally truthful… here!) I’m so graceful that everyone turns to watch me walk away. My eyes are the color of the bluest sky with golden flecks around the iris. Every rock God wants to date me, but I turn them down. Every woman wants to be me, and I eat up the attention! I’m independently wealthy and shop yearly in Milan and Paris. I drive a Saleen S7 to be inconspicuous. And I blog because I’m so bored with my life. There are only so many men you can do before it just becomes a tedious chore; I mean really…how many times can I fake an orgasm? Don’t you just totally want to be my friend? Those of you who really know me are choking back the tears (or stomach contents) right now. I hope I didn’t cause any cardiac arrests or anything….
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Today was my OB-GYN appointment.  I love Dr. Zimmerman!  He's one of the few men that I don't have a problem spreading my legs for and letting him look to his heart's content.  Any man that puts Gary Larsen's "The Far Side" posters on the ceiling for you to gaze at while your feet are in the stirrups is too cool!

Anyway, at the appointment, everyone kept smiling at me.  It was freaking me out.  I mean, I smile all the time, but I don't usually get a response back.  Today was different.  I had to give 6 vials of blood and the chick taking it was joking and laughing.  The Wench even had the nerve to tell me she was out of practice sticking people because she was out on Maternity leave!!! Girlfriend...REALLY? Its taken me years to get over my phobia of needles (damn that syringe fisted Nurse!), and this chick is yanking my chain! I was snorting with laughter.

Everywhere I went, people were smiling at me.  I checked my face to make sure there weren't any boogers hanging out of my nose, and I checked my teeth to make sure there was nothing stuck in them. I was wearing a sweater, so I know the twins were in check. WTF??? Even at the grocery store, people were smiling at me.  Even kids! Now granted, when I shop, I have my iPod going, so I'm usually dancing, or singing down the aisles, but no one ever pays attention.  This is California for God's sake! I should just be thankful and not kick a gift horse in the mouth! Until tomorrow my Peeps!