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Yes, that's right...waxing. I'm not talking about waxing your mustache or facial hair. No, I'm talking about waxing...down there! I have the feeling that most guys have no clue what the ladies go through for them. Now granted…some of us don't do it strictly for our men. I like the whole clean feeling I get after a wax. But for those of us to do it, our men need to appreciate the effort, or you ladies can stop doing it. I guess I'm picking this topic because today I willingly show up for hair ripping torture.
Now, there are many types of wax jobs and I'll break them down for you: one,
- Basic Bikini - removes the hair outside the panty line.
- Full Bikini - takes the sides of the bikini line deeper than the basic and may include some hair on top to make a more defined triangle.
- French Bikini - takes all the hair off in front except for small strip and stops before it gets to the back.
- Brazilian Bikini - takes all the hair off the bikini line front and back (yes including the tushie) although some hair could be left behind at the discretion of the waxee.
- Hollywood Bikini - basically the Brazilian with no hair.
So I'll break down the basic visit for you. I go in and stripped from the waist down, lie down on a cushy table and bring the bottoms of my feet together with the knees spread apart as far as they will go. I make small talk with my Waxer (she's awesome) while she's mixing this thick purple wax. She disinfects my area, sprinkles it with powder and goes to town. She'll start with the strip of wax along one side and across the top. She waits for the hot wax to harden and then pulls up and flat with a quick yank. Oh yeah, baby… It hurts like hell! Because I want it all gone, she starts outside and works inward, with the final application in the front being inside the "lips". This is the most painful and I really clamp down on my jaw when she does this one. After that part is done, I bring my legs back together and pull my knees to my chest, thereby exposing the back end. She makes quick work of that with longer strips, but by the time she's done (usually within 5 to 8 minutes) I'm smooth as silk.
Now the actual yanking of the wax rips your hair out by the roots and that hurts like a mother! This is the ultimate exercise in masochistic behavior! When I'm on the table, the thoughts the generally go to my head are "No man is worth this", "What the eff am I doing", "I've lost my freaking mind" etc. But because it only lasts around eight minutes, it's eight minutes of torture for four weeks of nice.
I don't want you guys thinking that it isn't as painful for women "down there" as it is for men, and that we don't know the meaning of real pain, etc. The skin "down there" is extremely sensitive for either person and until you actually do a little man-scaping with hot wax and a sadistic waxer, you can keep your trap shut! I'm not even asking you to remove it all, only asking for you to get a little taste of what you lady does for you.
You swimmers that wax know what I'm talking about…to a certain extent. Waxing your legs doesn't hurt like waxing the tender soft skin "down there" (Hey I'm really trying not to make this a porn blog…that is a different blog… I should be getting props for my efforts). Leg, back etc. skin is tougher and exposed to the elements. Also the skin on your backside is really sensitive! OMG, I almost want to ask for a bottle of tequila and demand a "thank you" after that one! Not only that, but apparently haircolor has something to do with the sensitivity also. The more red hair on a person the more sensitive the skin. That was a new one on me, but my BFF says it's true, and I trust her implicitly!
So guys, throw your ladies a solid and appreciate the effort they go through for you, because God knows, they think you're worth it.
I warned you...it's my blog, and I can talk about what I want!
P.S. I told my Wax Torturer about the blog and she said I can promote her, so....European Wax Center in Roseville...Ask for Shayna!
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