Take Another Little Piece of my Heart

My Beanster has left.  Every time she leaves me, a little piece of my heart goes with her.  It's so hard because she clutches me tight and says "I don't want to leave Auntie...I want to stay here with you!" Ugh...  We had a fantastic weekend though.

We woke up this morning, and she informs me that I talk in my sleep (this I already knew). I asked her what I said.  I guess I told her "No, I'm ok" and to "Not worry about it".  She said I spoke very clearly and that she only mumbles in her sleep.  I guess it's a good thing I'm the faithful type...and not in the espionage game.

We got up and made breakfast...yup, you guessed it...she wanted to make her own baked potato for breakfast.  I figure it's still a healthy breakfast because she does put vegetables on it, so what the heck.  We went to tea with the ladies today and here is our pictures together.

It's so funny... darkness and light, yin and yang, black and white.  When I see our pictures together, I see the contrast, but there are so many likenesses too. She definitely has the pure heart and I'm always struggling to purify mine. She brings it all back into perspective for me.

We had a great time at tea, but it really isn't her thing...Neither is the food.  She loved the chicken sandwiches, but didn't like the scones...more for me I guess.  So I did something I rarely do...ran thru the KFC drive through for her and we ate some extra crispy chicken.  I haven't eaten that crap in years...and it was good.  God, Vin and Colin are gonna be kicking my ass tomorrow!

Her mom came and picked her up and I so hated to see her go.  I know she'll be back, but it's always a strategic game with my sister.  And since I refuse to be the pawn in my sisters chess game of life, it invariably means that I don't get to see my Serenie Beanie Baby as often as I'd like too.  There's a lot of bad blood and unforgiveness there.  This is where my black heart comes in.  I should forgive and forget...I can't.  I know the rhetoric and that since I'm the one harboring the ill will, etc. that I'm only hurting myself.

It's hard to always be the responsible one.  The pressure is enormous. And sometimes you just want to snap and not do it anymore.  It's hard to be a parent to your Mother, Sister, Brother, Son, Niece.....  And while I've done a really good job of separating myself in the past 5 years, that doesn't mean it doesn't come back and remind you that you're still the responsible one.

But I am the world to my Niece...and the feeling is awesome (and not a little bit scary). So I'm going to end the evening on a good note.  I'm going to grab a shot of the Fireball Whiskey to sip, fill up my huge tub, kick back in it with some good music and just chill!